Ah, the first boobleheads of May. Spring has officially sprung.
On Press the Meat, it’s a full hour of Meathead vs. Potatohead, as Timmuh hosts an “exclusive” with George “Slam Dunk” Tenet. Not to step on your buzz there, Timmy, but wasn’t Georgie already on 60 Minutes last week? Not much of an exclusive there. I think I’ll wait for his appearance on The Daily Show next week, instead.
Over at CBS, Faze the Nation ought to be at least half entertaining, as Bush Buddy Bobby Schieffer hosts full-wit Charlie Rangel, and half-wit (or is it newt-wit?), Newt Gingrinch. Would somebody please explain to me why this disgraced (and disgraceful) hypocrite is considered at all relevant by the traditional media to talk about anything (other than maybe to shill for Brylcreem® and PoliGrip®)?
On Fux News Sunday, Weaselface Wallace hosts Presidential “hopeful” Chris “will somebody please pay attention to me” Dodd, and the man who uses more mascara than Elvira and Katharine Harris combined, “Poppa” John Boehner.
Over on the Goebbels network, it’s John Edwards (no doubt on to answer questions about how he gave his wife cancer, and sues fine upstanding corporations in order to pay for his $400 haircuts). Next, George Snufalufagus gets the Republican asshole point of view from the man who doesn’t believe in evolution (because he never evolved), Tricky Tom Tancredo. At the roundtable, it’s the man that barely edged out Tom Friedman as the NY Times’ biggest douchebag, David Brooks, the ever-worthless George :jerk: Will, and the woman who, in the 2000 election, engineered a tiny popular vote victory for one of the smartest men in politics over one of the dumbest, Donna Brazile. And then fellow SU Alum Ted Koppel is on to talk about the documentary on his longtime friend’s battle with cancer, and “the importance of teaching people that they can still live productive lives.” Hey, somebody wanna make sure Katie Couric gets a copy of that?
Over at CNN, Wolf Blitzer’s Late Emission includes Dick Lugar and Chuck Schumer, on to discuss how Condi Rice is a traitor to the American people for having spoken to the Syrian Foreign Minister, former CIA Director George Tenet (hey, wait a minute, Timmy said he had an exclusive on Tenet; I guess it depends on what the definition of “exclusive” is) on to hawk his book, a few middle east ambassadors, and your basic assortment of CNN hacks, twits, and shills.
Later, on 60 Minutes, Lesley Stahl demands to see Lou Dobbs’ green card, Bob Simon reports on how Nasir Abas is now our BFF, and, Anderson Cooper tells us about retired truck driver Teri Horton, who bought a crappy painting for five bucks in 1987, that turns out to be an original Jackson Pollock, worth upwards of $50 million (sorry, I realize I’m an ignorant moron, but if that thing’s worth fifty mill, the wall in the basement I use to clean my paint brushes has to be worth enough for me to retire on, and then some).
Then, it’s the usual Sunday night stuff, as we pass the halfway point in the final season of the Sopranos, or you can opt to watch clips from the last time Saturday Night Live was actually funny – the 1990’s. If you live in the Midwest, bring the teevee down into the cellar. Enjoy your day (don’t forget, next Sunday is Mother’s Day; for those of you that have mothers, better get out there and get a card).