I’m glad it’s Saturday. But, as much as I don’t care for my job, I’m really glad I don’t work for these people.

A supervisor at a motivational-coaching business in Provo, Utah, is accused of waterboarding an employee in front of his sales teammates to demonstrate that they should work as hard on sales as the employee had worked to breathe.

In a lawsuit, former Prosper Inc. salesman Chad Hudgens alleges his managers also allowed the supervisor to draw mustaches on employees’ faces, take away their chairs and beat on their desks with a wooden paddle “because it resulted in increased revenues for the company.”

Yeah, that’d motivate me. Motivate me to kick somebody’s ass. You beat my desk with a wooden paddle, and don’t be surprised if you find a wooden paddle up your ass so far it tickles your throat. And if you waterboard me, you better go ahead and fuckin’ kill me, cuz if you don’t, I’ll be shoving you head down a toilet as soon as you let me go.

You wanna steal my chair? Go ahead. I’ll just go home. See ya.