I used to think it was kind of dumb to have Columbus Day be a holiday, what with him not actually discovering anything, and all the stories they told us in school (like that everybody but brave Columbus thought the world was flat back then and whatnot) being bullshit. But, when you think about it, it’s kind of perfect.

The Columbus’ marketing department sells us the story that Columbus was was a discoverer, adventurer, visionary – even hero. In reality, he was a mass-murderer, rapist, and greedy miser out to make himself rich while claiming to be a good Christian.

If that’s not a fitting symbol for what this country has become, I don’t know what is. Besides, a day off is a day off.