I saw a photo from the Kennedy funeral service this morning that had former President Dummy and his wife Pickles in it (by the way, if anybody tries to play Ave Maria at my funeral, please shoot me). Dummy looked as stupid as ever, but as I looked at Pickles with the bright red lipstick slopped on her Prozac puss, it struck me that it’s too bad Heath Ledger died, ‘cuz he’d have been perfect to play her in Dubya, the Movie.

Speaking of the Bush Leagues, I see that The Today Show has hired Jenna. I forget which one she is. Was she the one on the top of the drunken girl pile, or the one on the bottom? Whichever one she is, she’s apparently authored two books. Not bad for a 27-yr old. Even if they suck, it’s more than I’ve managed to accomplish, and I’m slightly older than 27 (and have always wanted to be on the bottom of a pile of drunk girls).

Why are they pushing Vicki Kennedy to fill Ted’s Senate seat? I mean, I know it’s kind of a tradition for the wife to step in, but, really, I thought she already said she wasn’t interested. They ought to appoint Jenna Bush.

Dick Cheney is pretty gosh darn offended at the whole investigation into torture by the Justice Department (and Dianne Feinstein’s got his back). Aw. I hate it when my Dick’s offended. Dicky boy, if that mean old special prosecutor tries to question you, you just tell him to go fuck himself.

Apparently when Tom Ridge said there was politically motivated pressure on him to raise the “Terror Level” as head of Fatherland Security, what he meant to say was there was no pressure on him to raise the terror level. Thank goodness. I’d hate to think anybody would play politics with the terror wheel of color.

I don’t care what the damn FAA says. Is this the coolest dad ever, or what?

Things look pretty scary out there in California. I hope everybody’s staying safe out there. Hell of a time for Maron to be back in LA (if he is; not sure where he’s at these days – he doesn’t call, he doesn’t write…). Thank goodness y’all have an action hero for a Governor (ours would probably just keep walking in to shit).