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Morning Seditionists

New Year’s Eve

Posted by pjsauter on December 31, 2009
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And so, the first decade of the 21st Century (and 2nd Millennium) comes to an end. Oh, I know, there are some smarty-pants types out there who will insist that, no, the decade actually ends next year, and the millennium didn’t begin on Jan 1, 2000, but actually on Jan 1, 2001. This is because certain people like to be contrarians and need to feel superior to others. Then it gets picked up by the wannabe smarty-pantses who think it sounds good, so then mindlessly repeat it with an air of smugness (as if they thought of it first). The most common reason given for this point of view is that “you start counting with one, not zero” – that you count from 1 to 10, not from 0 to 9. That, of course, is nonsense. Zero is most definitely where you start, even if it’s so obvious that it’s kind of implied. I mean, count all the honest Republicans in Washington, and tell me what number you start with. One? I don’t think so.

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Hump Day

Posted by pjsauter on December 30, 2009
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My new Jawhorse came yesterday. I haven’t ordered anything else, so I guess that means Christmas is really over now (interesting how, when you get older, you have to buy your own presents). Now it’s back to reality, which for me means having to take my car in to get it inspected. I usually wait until the last minute for these things, but this year I’m actually a couple days ahead. As far as I know, there’s nothing wrong with it, but it’s still a hassle to deal with. I think my van (which is probably filled with snow at this point, since the side windows were left in the pushed-open position) is overdue, too, so I’ll have to deal with that one of these days. I really need to drive it more.

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Rocket in My Pocket

Posted by pjsauter on December 29, 2009
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Far be it for me to sympathize with a terrorist, but I’m forced to admit that I’m pretty amazed by the dedication of anybody who would sew explosives into the crotch of their undies and try to detonate them. By dedication, of course, I mean freakin’ insanity (and by them, I mean, well, you know what I mean). Oh, sure, on paper, if you’re gonna blow yourself up, it doesn’t matter what part blows up first. But as Umar Fuckedup Abdulmentalcase has clearly demonstrated, you really need to plan for all contingencies, and if there’s only a partial ignition and fire, it damn sure does matter what part of your anatomy the explosives are under. I see that “Al Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsula” has taken credit for (and seems to be rather proud of) the “underwear bomber.” What is that, a franchise? Is that how far things have fallen, that we don’t even get attacked by the home office anymore, but it gets farmed out to the Al Qaeda equivalent of the Scranton branch? God only knows what kind of twisted screening processes they’ll come up with at the airport after this one. I hope there isn’t anyplace I ever have to fly again, but for those who do, I foresee many crotch-sniffing dogs in your future (and not in a good way).

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Good News, Bad News

Posted by pjsauter on December 28, 2009
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Today started out great. The showerhead had been left in “blast” mode and not properly seated in its little hook, so when I turned it on, it promptly rose up, spun around (not unlike Linda Blair in “The Exorcist”), and blasted me in the face, soaking the walls (and floor) behind me. As I was trying, in my half-sleep stupor, to shut the stupid thing off (or at least aim it away from my face), I somehow managed to pull the muscle in my ribs that always seems to go into spasm at the most inopportune of times (not that there’s a good time for it to happen, come to think of it). Of course, I couldn’t soak up the water on the floor, ‘cuz there was only one towel in the bathroom, and the little throw rug that’s supposed to be on the floor in front of the tub has been MIA for weeks now, so I figured the next thing that would happen was me slipping on my way out of the shower and smashing my head on the corner of the vanity or something (thanks to the grab bar I installed when my mother was with us for a short time, I managed to avoid that fate; I really don’t want to be found naked and dead in a pool of my own blood on the bathroom floor, like a beached and harpooned white whale).

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Boobleheads

Posted by pjsauter on December 27, 2009
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On Press the Meat today, you think flying is a pain in the ass now? Secretary of Fatherland Security Janet Napolitano will be on to tell us how much worse it’s about to get now that Obama’s failure to torture people has led to terror in the skies. Don’t say Dick Cheney didn’t warn us. Then Robert Gibbs will be on tell us how great this whole Senate health care bill is, and to reassure us that the White House will put the screws to those goddamn liberal sonsabitches in the House who are trying to make it not suck. Oh, but that’s not all. There’s also a roundtable with the NY City’s second greatest mayor of all time, Mike Bloomberg, disgraced former House Speaker Newt Gingrich (I guess Tom Delay was unavailable), Mass Gov and Obama speech writer Deval Patrick, and Mrs. Alan Greenspan.

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The Day After

Posted by pjsauter on December 26, 2009
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OK, well, that’s over for another year. Yesterday was a nice contrast to x-mas eve. The streets were all but deserted, no stores were open (even the Delta Sonic was closed; good thing I didn’t need gas – or a car wash), and everything was nice, quiet and devoid of humanity. Other than a severely stiff neck, I seem to have gotten through yet another holiday unscathed. Today is gonna be one of those days where much is planned, yet little will be accomplished. Sort of a microcosm of my entire life, actually. Big plans, lots of potential (OK, to be honest, probably not really all that much potential), and little to show for it. But, screw it. I’ve always thought having “ambition” was just never being happy with what you have. Good thing I was born without it. Well, guess I’d better go and try to remember just what it is I was supposed to accomplish today, so I can think up some excuses for not getting it done.

Ho Ho Ho

Posted by pjsauter on December 25, 2009
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As I may have mentioned in the past, I’ve never been much for the whole “God” explanation of the universe. Not that I have a better idea, and I certainly don’t begrudge anybody else their right to believe whatever they want (though I’d just as soon they wouldn’t feel compelled to tell me I should live my life based on their supposed sense of morality). It’s just always seemed a little silly to me that there’s an all-powerful being that loves us, but allows bad things to happen to good people. Not to mention the fact that, if there is such as thing as God, we’re so vain as to think we were created in Its image. I mean, humans have been around for, what, a few hundred thousand years (depending on what you want to count as human)? The dinosaurs were around for a few hundred million. Hell, we haven’t even been around long enough to see how we’ll turn out – let alone make a case for being the embodiment of God on Earth.

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Quick, Joe, Find a Manger

Posted by pjsauter on December 24, 2009
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The final vote on the Senate health care bill is taking place as I write this (the first Christmas Eve Day vote since 1895 or something). Assuming they can wheel poor old Robert Byrd out there one more time, the bill can then go to conference, where we can hope that whatever emerges doesn’t suck quite as much as it sucks now (don’t count on it, though, since President Obama says he’ll now be taking a “hands-on” approach to merging the two bills, and, based on everything he and his sidekick Rahm Emanuel have done and said so far, I’d expect all the bending over to be done by progressives; I think Obama has been channeling two former Democratic Presidents – Health Care is his NAFTA, and Afghanistan is his Vietnam).

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Christmas Eve Eve

Posted by pjsauter on December 23, 2009
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First it came for the pigs, but I’m not a pig so I didn’t care. Then it came for the Mexicans, but I’m not a Mexican, so I just ignored it. Then it came for the young people, and I figured, “screw the young! And get the hell off my lawn!” Next it came for the cats, and I have to admit that that didn’t really bother me much, either. But now, well, now it’s gone just too goddamn far! The first case of Swine Flu in a dog has been confirmed in White Plains, NY (which is Upstate, if you live in NYC, but Downstate if you live in the real Upstate). Enough is enough! I admit to not taking the whole H1N1 scare seriously before, but if it’s infecting dogs, then it’s picking a fight with the wrong damn guy. I mean, some spokeswoman for an animal medical center was quoted as saying, “don’t play kissyface with your dog….” Oh, why don’t I just go shoot myself, then? I refuse to change my way of life. The flu hates us for our kissyfaces, and if we give up our kissyfaces out of fear, then the flu wins. Especially now that kissyface season is upon us.

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One Down, Three to Go

Posted by pjsauter on December 22, 2009
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Some very scary news this morning out of Dublin. There was a fire at the St James’s Gate Brewery brewery. Fortunately, while two firefighters were injured, it appears that the fire occurred in an empty storage building, so no beer was harmed. Likewise, the Guinness Storehouse tourist center was unscathed. Thank goodness for that. Everybody know that Santa stops off at the Gravity Bar for a pint or two when he’s done delivering presents on Christmas Eve.

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