There appears to have been a “breakthrough” in Senate health care reform negotiations last night, with whatever they concocted being sent to the CBO for “scoring.” Details are sketchy, but it appears the new plan will cover people whose injuries are related to cheating on their supermodel spouses, as well as mothers who give birth to six or more consecutive children within a 24-hour period (the children themselves, however, will not be covered). As a trade off designed to gain support of conservatives and right-to-lifers, any medical procedure involving a woman’s hoo-hoo (defined as the area between knees and navel) may not be covered by any plan that receives federal funding (except for c-sections, which will be free as long as they’re scheduled at least two weeks in advance, and take place during normal business hours).

Also, the female hoo-hoo shall be stricken from the curriculum of any medical college that receives federal funding, since knowledge of that area is thought to encourage promiscuous behavior. As a nod to the ladies, new breast implants will now be covered, with a $75 co-pay. Women with existing implants will also be eligible for a replacement set, provided they’re trading up at least one cup size. This will be covered by a new fee imposed on breast reduction surgery.

As a concession to male Republicans and Joe Lieberman, prescriptions for erectile dysfunction medications will be required to be covered with no co-pay up to 62 doses per month (though patients can request a rather ironically named “hardship exemption,” good for an additional 30 pills in any month where they can prove travel out of the country to Haiti, the Dominican Republic or Bangkok). This so-called “Viagara” amendment will be paid for by a 300% tax on condoms and 750% surcharge on birth control pills, diaphragms, spermicidal jelly, IUDs, and Mifepristone. A Senator closely involved in the negotiations is quoted as saying,

“I’ve got a smile on my face. I don’t smile naturally.”

Apparently that’s not the only thing he no longer comes by naturally.

In more important news, however, our snow drought appears to have ended at day 287; there are a couple of inches of snow in my back yard, and the news crawl is full of school closings and delays. We’re supposed to get six inches or so by mid-morning (not a lot by our standards – and certainly nothing like the folks out there in the Midwest are having to deal with, but since this is the first significant accumulation in 288 days, it’s nice to see). I think it’s all sitting on a coat of ice, too, so it ought to be slow going on the way to work this morning (might take me four minutes instead of two). Sadly, the snow is going to turn to sleet and then rain, so by the time I get out of work, the snow will all be gone. Never fear, though; this was just a little bit to prime the pump, and more snow’s a comin’ later in the week.

Oh well, time to get out there and try and get over the hump.