As I may have mentioned in the past, I’ve never been much for the whole “God” explanation of the universe. Not that I have a better idea, and I certainly don’t begrudge anybody else their right to believe whatever they want (though I’d just as soon they wouldn’t feel compelled to tell me I should live my life based on their supposed sense of morality). It’s just always seemed a little silly to me that there’s an all-powerful being that loves us, but allows bad things to happen to good people. Not to mention the fact that, if there is such as thing as God, we’re so vain as to think we were created in Its image. I mean, humans have been around for, what, a few hundred thousand years (depending on what you want to count as human)? The dinosaurs were around for a few hundred million. Hell, we haven’t even been around long enough to see how we’ll turn out – let alone make a case for being the embodiment of God on Earth.

But, yesterday morning, as I was out trying to do some grocery shopping amidst throngs of “the people” (slack-jawed people picking their noses idling at green lights, people leaving their carts in the middle of the aisle while they ponder the intricate mystery of which brand of canned corn is the best, people cutting in line in front of me, groups of people having conversations in the store entrance as if they were the only beings on the planet) at this most special and joyous time of year, I couldn’t help but wonder if maybe there isn’t a God after all.

Here I was, surrounded by the annoying crush of humanity that I typically do my best to avoid, all showing absolutely no signs of common sense whatsoever, and I thought, how in the hell could these stupid fucking idiots make it through life without some sort of divine intervention? Clearly, these people must be capable of tying their shoes, feeding themselves – even holding down actual jobs – all while being seemingly brain dead. How is this possible?

We humans seem to survive (and thrive) in spite of ourselves. We crap in the water we drink, spew toxins into the air we breathe, and poison our food supply, all in the name of profit (profit being more sacred than the life we pretend to revere). And we seem to be driven to kill each other (in fact, the one thing we’ve always been really good at is devising new and better ways to do it on ever more massive scales) all while pretending to celebrate the birth of the “Prince of Peace” (which we do by buying each other crap).

A species this stupid should have vanished from the face of the Earth a long time ago.

So, I guess maybe I’m willing to consider there really is some invisible man in the sky keeping us around (probably just for laughs) despite the fact that we’re a bunch of corrupt, murderous, mouth-breathing morons.

But Intelligent Design? No fuckin’ way.

Oh, and Merry Christmas.