In a football game even I didn’t give a shit about, Alabama beat Texas to win the mythical National Championship last night. The game was a rematch of the 1965 “Cracker Bowl” (black folks need not apply) between two of the most famous bigots coaches in NCAA football history – the Crimson Tide’s “Bear” (one can only imagine where that nickname came from) Bryant, and Texas’ Darrell Royal. Texas didn’t allow colored folks on the team until 1969, while ‘bama held out ’til 1971. Which I guess gives me an opportunity to mention how #1 Syracuse with eventual Heisman Trophy winner Ernie Davis went to Dallas on New Year’s Day 1960 and kicked the crap out of #2 Texas (and refused to attend the dinner honoring Davis as MVP and SU as Cotton Bowl winners, because it was being held in a whites only club). Why the hell they have a National Championship game on a Thursday night is beyond me. I preferred it when all the bowl games were on New Year’s Day, and then it was over (though an actual playoff would be better than this BCS BS, but, whatever).

So, the big report on the Christmas Day underwear bomber came out yesterday, followed by a news conference from President Obama. I haven’t scoured the report or anything, but it appears to amount to “we f*cked up.” Well, duh. The question is, did they f*ck up on purpose to make Obama look bad? Or are things being run by the same incompetent bunch of Bush leftovers? Or maybe they’re looking for an excuse to increase their illegal wiretapping and PATRIOT Act type stuff. Who knows? As for me, I’ll just be staying close to home (not that I was planning on going anywhere anyway).

Speaking of terrorism and perpetual fear and whatnot, you probably heard about this guy who raised a ruckus on a flight from Oregon to Hawaii the other day. He also apparently refused to stow his carry-on luggage. He was enough of a pain in the ass that they turned the flight around, and it was escorted by fighter jets back to Oregon. Now, how stupid do you have to be in this day and age to pull shit on an airplane? I mean, seriously. We all know what the deal is, and we know everybody’s a little touchy these days. And, assuming they ever let this bozo on a plane again, you think he’s not getting a full cavity search every time he walks into an airport from now on?

Of course, all travelers will be getting a virtual strip search before too long. Assuming the government can afford to buy them while still cutting taxes for rich people (pay for it by making your employer’s contribution to your health insurance plan taxable income, maybe). The images are a little creepy, but I suppose I don’t really care if they take a look at my virtual junk box (in my case, it’s actually the screeners I feel sorry for). Of course, before too long, you’re bound to start seeing celebrity screening photos on the Internet (in fact, I project a brand new fetish industry).

Elvis would have turned 75 today. Hard to believe he’s been dead for over 30 years. Darn shame he had to go nuts.