Conan signed off the Tonight Show for the final time last night, bringing an end to the most important thing in the whole wide world. Now we can move on the next, most important thing in the whole wide world, which might very well be Sarah Palin’s new hair style. Or maybe there’ll be a missing blond girl, a runaway Jiffy Pop bag, more fake Tiger Woods sightings or something even more important (Octomom in a bikini, anyone?). Either way, we need some sort of diversion.

Speaking of diversions, Barack Obama has taken off the tie and hit the road. He’s now a populist man of the people, going after those darn old Wall Street bad boys and promising strict regulation of the financial industry. Thank goodness. Things are really gonna change now, you betcha. :yawn:

I’ve been trying to think of a new way to make money so I can quit my job. In light of the new all-white basketball league, I’m soliciting investors for a new business proposition. My plan is to found an all-black hockey league. The BHL. Or maybe we could capitalize on the #1 spectator sport in the god-fearin’ US of A by starting an all-black auto racing circuit (BLASCAR). I dunno. Whatever the investors are up for is cool with me; no reasonable offer refused, but I will be needing your check by Monday.

My other option is to maybe find a corporate sponsor to finance a campaign for office. There was a time when I had higher standards, but the clock is running out on this lifetime, and the world (or at least this country) is turning to shit no matter what I do, so WTF? I’m not photogenic or “buff” enough (nor do I have a wife with a “curious hand”) to run for anything statewide or national, but a local office would be OK. I was born without an ambition gene, so I’m easy.

I’ve been told I have a good speechifying voice, and I think I could pull off a pretty decent “man of the people” act (way better than Obama, with his natty attire and big words; more of a short, non-lisping Alan Grayson kinda thing). I’m sure Wal-Mart, Time Warner, Verizon, or Home Depot could always use a County Legislator or Town Councilor in their pocket, and I’m willing to both work cheap and stay bought. Just get me good season tickets to SU games (where I’ll be happy to be seen wearing your corporate logo). I think those are the qualities that will be most important for a politician in the new world order.

Oh well, time’s a wastin’, and there’s kitchen duty to be done.