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Morning Seditionists

No Pain, No Gain

Posted by pjsauter on January 21, 2010
Posted in Uncategorized  | 36 Comments

I tried switching to a different lo-cal morning news show yesterday. It just didn’t work out. They’re rather serious and professional (at least by local morning news standards), whereas the channel I’d been watching before has a collection of male and female equivalents of Les Nessman. So I switched back today, and good thing I did, or I’d have missed out hearing about the “relentlessly unrelentless” rain in California. Gosh, I missed these guys.

I somehow managed to hurt a whole bunch of my parts without really noticing. About the only thing I did was slip on the ice at the park the other day, landing squarely on my back. It didn’t really hurt at the time (except my pride, since people were looking; the good news is that I had just finished tying off a poop bag. Had I slipped a moment earlier, it could have been pretty messy), so I don’t know if it’s related, but yesterday was a day filled with pain (and today isn’t starting out much better).

First off, I’m hobbling around because it feel like somebody decided to remove about an inch of my left Achilles tendon. Makes it hurt like hell to extend my foot forward (or to lift it up, for that matter). Also, my thumb hurts. Fortunately, I don’t use it all that much. Of course, my knees and back hurt, but that’s a given. The really odd one is my neck. Or should I say throat? The muscles on both sides hurt when I turn my head, and are also very sore to touch. I don’t know if I strained my neck somehow, or maybe this is some sort of cancer of the jugular lymph nodes or something. Oh well. If I didn’t know better, I’d think I was getting old or something.

Now, I know some people are kind of appalled by sports talk, but I just have to mention the phenomenon that is the UCONN womens basketball team (and I really don’t like UCONN). If you don’t know, they’re in the midst of a 57-game winning streak (having gone undefeated and winning a national championship last year). This is the second longest winning streak in womens NCAA basketball history. The longest? UCONN from 2001-03, when they won 70 games in a row. This past week alone, UCONN beat #3 Notre Dame by 24 points, and #7 Duke by over 30. In the 2000’s so far, UCONN won national championships in 2000, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2009.

Even if you hate sports, you have to be pretty impressed with that.

Oh well, I guess I better get going. Takes me a while to hobble up the stairs these days.

Wednesday

Posted by pjsauter on January 20, 2010
Posted in Uncategorized  | 4 Comments

So, can Senate Democrats finally stop kissing Joe Lieberman’s ass now? Because that alone would make the loss of the MA Senate seat worthwhile. According to the exit polls, 25% of registered Democrats in MA voted for Brown. Arianna Huffington says this might be a “blessing in disguise” if Democrats get their act together before 2010. Yeah, right. If you think Democrats were feckless wonders before, just wait and see what they do next. For starters, I all but guarantee you they’ll roll over and seat Brown before the election is certified. Oh well. I still think they ought to tell Lieberman to go Cheney himself.

Tuesday

Posted by pjsauter on January 19, 2010
Posted in Uncategorized  | 9 Comments

Wow, back to work today, and I’m just not feeling it. I’m looking forward to today about as much as Martha Coakley is, I think. At least maybe we can stop hearing how the Democrats have a “filibuster-proof” majority (as if Joe Lieberman was a Democrat). And let’s not forget Robert Byrd is about a million years old, too. Oh well, on the bright side, for me as an individual, I don’t think my life will change either way. Assuming my life not changing can actually be considered a “bright” side. Beats living in Haiti.

Speaking of Haiti, Matt Taibbi slams David Brooks’ recent column on the disaster down there.

One would have thought a column on the Haitian’s lack of an achievement culture could maybe wait until after the bodies were cold, but… hey, who am I to judge?

Personally, I think Haiti could lift its Satan’s curse by changing it’s name to Lovi (plus they need to lay off that Voodoo stuff and quit with the Zombies).

Oh well, as you can tell, I’m not feeling particularly inspired today, so I guess I’d better just go get ready for work before I resort to talking about sports and weather.

ML King Day

Posted by pjsauter on January 18, 2010
Posted in Uncategorized  | 11 Comments

I was considering going in to work today, just to bank the day to use later. But, well, screw that idea. Never pass up an opportunity to take a day off.

It’s starting look like a Republican is going to win Teddy Kennedy’s Senate seat. What’s up with you people in MA? I think Obama has done the political equivalent of what Bush did after 9/11. So much good will squandered so quickly. Pretty amazing. So much for health care reform.

The two biggest big news stories of the weekend were the Golden Globe Awards and Michelle Obama’s birthday (oh, and something’s going on down in Haiti, too). Much to Marc Maron’s chagrin, I guess, Avatar won Golden Globes for best movie drama and best director. I haven’t seen it, myself, but Marc doesn’t approve of the movie on the grounds that it cost too much to make, and that all that technology is just a waste of money. Quite true. I also wonder why they spend so much money on color film, sound, and multiple cameras. Not to mention paying the actors so much money.

Sportswise, it was a pretty good weekend. On Saturday, #5 SU traveled to #9 West Virginia and (though they decided to throw away a 10 point lead with less than 2 minutes to go and make things interesting) beat the Mountaineers in the first showdown between 2 top-ten teams in Morgantown ever. Then, on Sunday, the Jets beat San Diego. Plus the Vikings kicked the shit out of Dallas (rubbed their noses in it, big time). I’m not especially a Minnesota fan (don’t dislike them, either – who can dislike Minnesota?), but I despise the Cowboys, and love to see them not only lose, but get embarrassed. Plus, while I’ve never really been a Brett Favre fan, you have to like seeing an old guy do well (kinda like John Elway, who I never really liked until he got old and won a Super Bowl).

Oh well, time to start the ML King festivities.

Boobleheads

Posted by pjsauter on January 17, 2010
Posted in Uncategorized  | 16 Comments

There’s a bit of a pattern on the morning shows today, if you’re sharp enough to pick it out.

On Press the Meat, it’s a Haiti kinda day, with Bill Clinton, George two-terms mandate Bush, the administrator of the U.S. Agency for International Development, Rajiv Shah, and the deputy commander of the U.S. Southern Command, Lt. General Ken Keen.

Faze the Nation has Clinton, Bush, Keen, Shah.

Fux News has Clinton, Bush, Keen, Shah, plus ferret face Mitch McConnell

On the Goebbels network, This Weak (no longer with George Snufalufagus) has Clinton, Bush, Keen, Shah.

CNN’s State of the Union has Clinton, Bush, Keen, Shah, plus Eleanor Holmes Norton.

Fareed Zakaria isn’t really with the plan. He looks at how Haiti’s past plays into its present troubles (pact with the devil, I guess), plus the gigantic Wall Street bonuses, and nation-building in Yemen.

Have a good one.

Saturday

Posted by pjsauter on January 16, 2010
Posted in Uncategorized  | 5 Comments

Every now and then I feel compelled to piss and moan about how tough things are for me. Then I see the reports from Haiti, and my life doesn’t seem so bad after all. They’ve run out of room for mass burials in places, and have had to resort to burning the dead. And the dead might be the lucky ones, compared to the thousands who are injured and dehydrated in the sweltering heat without clean water. There are few (if any) doctors on the ground so far – volunteers and donations are pouring in, but getting everything to where it’s needed is a logistical nightmare. I saw an Army medical corpsman who was with just one of many of them. He’s spent hours stitching up this man’s face and pulling the maggots from his head injury, but the man’s arm was totally crushed from the shoulder down, and without a surgeon to take the arm off, he won’t last long. On the bright side, the Haitian disaster coverage ratings are in, and Fox wins! They easily beat out both CNN and MSNBC. I’m so glad somebody’s keeping track of what’s really important in all this. NBC is fighting back by sending Lester Holt down there this morning. I guess maybe they think he’ll fit in a little better with the natives. Jon Stewart chided Rachel Maddow for pointing out that bolstering USAID has been a major part of the Obama Administration’s agenda – in contrast to the Bush years.

“Not the right time!” Stewart shouted. “Congratulations MSNBC viewers, you’re on the right side… of this terrible, terrible tragedy.”

Personally, I don’t think it’s in any way wrong to point out that Bush and Cheney sat around with their thumbs up each others’ asses for eight years, responding to crises grudgingly (if at all), with their main concern being how somebody could make a profit off it. We all remember the pitiful Katrina response in New Orleans, of course, and you may recall that, after the Christmas Tsunami, Bush announced a ridiculously embarrassing $35 million in aid for the area before being shamed into doing more (to be fair, there’s weren’t a whole lotta white folks involved in either of those – and, as Bush’s mommy noted, the whole Katrina thing worked out really well for all those little picaninnies from The Big Easy). But congratulations, Jon and you Daily Show viewers, you’re above all that. Truly, you’re the ones on the “right side” of this.

Speaking of being shamed into doing the right thing, Visa, American Express, PayPal, and others have decided to waive their customary fees on donations to the relief fund at places like Save the Children. I sure as hell hope the money is actually getting to the people who need it.

Oh well, time to go and play with my Bench Cookies.

Happy B’day MLK and FTS

Posted by pjsauter on January 15, 2010
Posted in Uncategorized  | 9 Comments

I really feel I need to point something out. They paint the lines on the road for a freakin’ reason. They’re called “lanes,” and, generally speaking you should f*cking stay in yours. A “special” type of lane is called a “left turn” lane. The purpose of this kind of lane is so you can stay out of my f*cking way while you’re waiting to turn. Just because you’re stupid enough to insist on turning left during rush hour doesn’t mean I should be punished for it. I’m just trying to get to the store to buy the beer that makes my life worth living. While we’re at it, you know what? If you’re in the wrong lane, just bite the bullet and keep going until you find a place to turn around. This is how you learn to get in the correct land ahead of time. Don’t sit there in the right turn lane with your f*cking left turn signal blinking away, holding up everybody behind you. It’s not their fault you’re an idiot, and nobody in the left lane owes you a goddamn thing. I’ll cut you some slack if you’re trying to merge into traffic at an on-ramp or from a gas station or whatever, but if it’s your screw-up then take responsibility for your actions.

Yesterday it was sunny here, with temperatures in the upper 30’s (the first time we’ve seen 30 degrees since New Years’ Day). My driveway is down to bare pavement again. I don’t think you folks who live where the weather is nice all the time can really appreciate a beautiful day the way we can. Hopefully this warm stuff won’t last too long; things get kind of ugly looking this time of year when there’s no snow.

Today’s my dad’s birthday. He’d be 90 today, except for that whole being dead for the past 15 years or so. To celebrate, we’re having a national holiday in his honor on Monday. Pretty cool, eh?

It’s All Downhill From Here

Posted by pjsauter on January 14, 2010
Posted in Uncategorized  | 22 Comments

I was watching a recording of “Men of a Certain Age” the other night. It’s quickly becoming one of my favorites, for several reasons. For one thing, the certain age of the men in question is pretty much the certain age I am, so we have a lot in common. Even better, the co-creator is not only from these parts, but actually went to the same high school that I did. So, naturally, the three men in question – Scott Bakula, Ray Romano, and Andre Braugher – all went to SU (interestingly enough, all three are supposed to have been childhood friends, but Romano is the only one with a Queen’s accent). Ray is frequently sporting a Syracuse t-shirt and has SU stuff on his office wall. And on one show Bakula says, “remember the time when Joe got the crap beat out of him by that kid who snuck into Hungry Charley’s?” Well, Hungry Charley’s was a bar I started going to when I was about 15, so I was probably there that night. Romano plays a recently divorced guy, Bakula is lady’s man, new age, yoga instructor type, and Braugher is a fat old married guy. I’ll leave it to you to decide which character I most relate to.

Anyhow, I don’t normally watch commercials, but I was futzing around with something else and not really paying attention when some ad for mascara or something with Brooke Shields came on. Or, that’s what I thought it was, until I heard the word “prescription.” Seems this was a commercial for “Latisse” which is “a prescription treatment for hypotrichosis.” Yes, if you suffer from the horrors of “inadequate” eyelashes, you can now get your doctor to give you a prescription to make them “longer, thicker and darker” (gee, I wonder if it’d work on my…well, never mind). Of course, you risk side effects like hair growth in “other areas,” darkening of eyelid skin, itchy, dry, red eyes, and – get this – it could even permanently turn your eyes brown. Now, I’m sure there are people out there with no eyelashes at all, and that would be a bad thing that this stuff could help. But this was clearly being marketed as a vanity product (I mean, Brooke Shields fer chrissakes). Aren’t there more important problems to worry about? Let’s just hope it’s covered by the Senate’s health care reform plan.

One place they more to worry about than eyebrows is Haiti, which has pretty much been leveled by the earthquake the other day. No electricity, no hospitals, no equipment to dig out the survivors who are screaming for help…. A poor country that had more than enough problems already really didn’t need this. Why some asshole – oh, excuse, me, I meant “Christian” – like Pat Robertson feels compelled to try and exploit the horror down there for whatever perverted pleasure he gets out of spewing his “devil” theories is beyond me. If that’s Robertson’s God causing all that suffering down there, then I want nothing to do with either one of them.

After a long stretch of pretty cold weather (yes, Midwesterners, I know it’s been much colder for you), it appears to be warming up a bit, and it supposed to get to 39° today. You’d think that would be a good thing, but, as far as my creaky old bones are concerned, I’d just as soon that once it gets cold, it stay that way until it’s planning on getting warm permanently. When the temperatures change, my stuff starts to hurt, and this morning my knees and back (and a few other things) have my limping and grunting my way around. I guess I never should have made that pact with the devil.

RIP, Teddy Pendergrass. It don’t hurt now.

Under the Hump

Posted by pjsauter on January 13, 2010
Posted in Uncategorized  | 9 Comments

I haven’t gone to see Avatar yet (though I got to watch several scenes at the Nokia Theatre in LA back n October), mostly because I never go to see a movie until it’s been reviewed by the Vatican newspaper (because, whether it’s about movies, science, or just plain how to live my life, the Vatican’s opinion is the one I really trust and respect). Well, now the review is in, and let’s just say the Vatican is not impressed. Apart from calling the story bland and sappy, the biggest problem the Vatican’s seems to have with the movie seems to be that it somehow encourages the worship of nature. Apparently this would threaten the worship of an invisible man in the sky who creates imperfect beings in His image and then drowns all but a few of them in anger when He finds them to be less than perfect. This from a Guy who tells Abraham to sacrifice his own child just to see if he’ll do it, turns Lot’s wife into a pillar of salt just for “looking” (but apparently was OK with Lot offering up his virginal daughters to be raped by an angry mob, who (the daughters, not the mob) then take turns getting their father drunk and having sex with him, eventually getting themselves knocked up; hey, nothing wrong with a little incest, eh?), kills the first born sons of Egypt (even if they’re just innocent infants or working slobs, and we won’t even get into the deaths of all those innocent lambs so their blood could be splattered all over the doors of the “true believers” to save their kids), gets pissed off at Moses and makes him and his Jews wander around aimlessly in the desert for 40 years, and engineers the torture and murder of His “son”; gee, made in His image – I wonder why we turned out so “imperfect.” Plus, from what I’ve read, there isn’t a funny hat in the shape of a Turkey’s butt anywhere in the movie. I say go rent “The Bells of St. Mary’s” instead. That’s when movies were movies! Now, I eagerly await the Vatican review of the “Bad Girls 3D” system.

Today is the day I’ve been dreading all week – the biweekly “team” meeting with our Director. I genuinely dislike these things anyway, but today I’m being forced to demo a couple of things that aren’t really done yet and – to make things worse – scuttlebutt has it the CIO will be coming to the meeting as well. I haven’t been able to figure a way out of this (calling in sick came to mind, but that’s a little bit obvious, as did paying somebody to dress like the Unabomber and pull the fire alarm at a strategic time, or maybe even taking the server down), but alas, it appears I’ll just have to buck up and get through it. On the bright side, I should be much happier (and hung over) tomorrow.

Now, a quick trip to the mail bag. Brian from Everett wrote me again to tell me that, while he’d prefer to go to the Maron thing on Thursday, he can go on Friday and Saturday, too. He can take a bus to the show, but they don’t run after hours, so he’d just need a ride back home. I can pass his phone number along to you, if you’re going (I’d be tempted to leave a message on his answering machine, but I’m nowhere near as funny and talented as he is).

Also, Kevin (not Kevin from the great state of Florida) writes to say he has a blog post and illustration of Maron, which you can check out here.

Well, time to go pluck my eyebrows, put on my makeup, and get myself ready to face the day. Have a good one.

Tuesdays Suck, Too

Posted by pjsauter on January 12, 2010
Posted in Uncategorized  | 3 Comments

This will shock you, I know, but the TSA has been lying to us. They said that those nifty virtual strip search scanners couldn’t do anything more than give TSA security guards (like the one who wasn’t watching the exit when the dude slipped under the exit rope and got the Newark airport locked downtwo hours later) a quick peak under your knickers. Well, turns out they actually have the ability to store and transmit the images. :tinfoil: Forget the tin foil hat, frequent fliers. It’s time to start wearing the tin foil underwear, unless you want to become the object of young (and weird) lust on some security scanner porn site.

Speaking of porn, forget Avatar and its “White Messiah” complex, the real future of 3D is in dirty movies, as attendees of the AVN Adult Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas (gee, and all I got to go to was the stupid Adobe Max conference) found out. The company, “Bad Girls In 3D” unveiled an online library of 3D porn and a “turnkey digital 3-D viewing system.”

Adult expo attendees wearing “active shutter glasses” grinned as they immersed themselves in a Bad Girls video displayed in 3-D on a giant high-definition television.

Oh, I bet they did.

The system will set you back about $4,000 and $20 a month for the subscription, which is a lot cheaper than getting married, and, unlike your significant other, comes with a warranty.

If you’re looking for a 3D companion that’s a little less virtual, then Roxxy is for you. Roxxxy – a life-size rubber doll – is being marketed as the world’s first sex robot. Hmmm. So far, so good. But the devil’s in the details. Roxxxy is designed to engage her, um, owner, in conversation, rather than lifelike movement.

…it can’t move on its own, not even to turn its head or move its lips.

Roxxxy comes with a laptop, to which she’s attached via cables. She also has sensors in various “locations” that react to being touched, and will cost around $9,000 (including the laptop).

I’m tempted to draw certain comparisons to somebody else I know that spends a lot of time attached to a laptop and not moving, but I’m afraid that would get me smacked (besides, she buys me beer; find me a robot that’ll do that, and then I’ll be impressed).

Douglas Hines, founder of Lincoln Park, N.J.-based True Companion LLC, said Roxxxy can carry on simple conversations. The real aim, he said, is to make the doll someone the owner can talk to and relate to.

“Sex only goes so far – then you want to be able to talk to the person,” Hines said.

Yeah, Doug, the pathetic guy who pays $9,000 for a life-sized rubber sex doll is really just looking for somebody to talk to. I think Mr. Hines must have seen “Lars and the Real Girl.”

I can talk to the dogs for free, so until you get Roxxxy to move her lips, so to speak (or at least install a heater), I think I’ll go for the 3D porn on the giant screen at less than half the price. More bang for the buck, you might say, and then I can play XBox on it.

Finally, I got an e-mail from Brian (in Everett), who wants to know if anybody in the Seattle area is going to see Maron at Laugh’s Comedy Spot in Kirland on Thursday, and would like to give him a ride back to Everett. So, if you plan on attending and want to hook up (so to speak), send me an e-mail, and I’ll pass Brian’s e-mail address along to you. And then you have to promise to take pictures, of course.