OK, I give in. John Edwards is a dirtbag. You just can’t go around punching out your wife, even if you are really, really rich (and even if she hit you first). Too bad. I wonder if he was an asshole all these years, or if he just kinda went nuts somewhere along the line. Must be that mistress of his; I think she must have put one of those Heather Mills, witchy woman spells on him. Or something. Whatever the deal is, I don’t see anybody (other than Dennis Kucinich, who I’m pretty sure won’t be trying to beat up his wife, ‘cuz she’s a lot bigger than he is) out the ready to pick up the mantle of populist hero, so I guess I’ll just have to hope that the scales have fallen from Obama’s eyes, and he’s now going to turn into that closet liberal I keep hearing he is. Sounds like he may be getting ready to kick Larry Summers to the curb, which would be a good start, but I really think it’s time for him to tell Rahm Emmanuel tat it’s time for Rahm to spend more time with his family.

I have no idea who the Lady Gaga person is (a singer, I take it), but it’s apparently big news that she isn’t a dude. Or, it’s big news at the HuffPost, where it has to compete with such earth-shattering news as Snooki’s big makeover (yet another apparently famous person I’ve never heard of), Michelle Obama’s latest outfit, and the “7 Weirdest Things Women Do With Their Privates.” Now, maybe I’ve just led a sheltered life, but this seems kinda odd to me.

Jennifer Love Hewitt appeared on ‘Lopez Tonight’ Tuesday to hawk her new dating book. One of her tips: glue shiny things on your vadge.

“After a breakup, a friend of mine Swarovski-crystalled my precious lady,” she said. “It shined like a disco ball so I have a whole chapter in there on how women should vagazzle their vajayjays.”

I’m not sure what’s stranger – gluing things to your naughty bits, or having a “friend” do it. Maybe it’s just a guy thing, but not only to I have no idea what “Swarovski Crystals” are, but I also do not now – nor have I ever – had a desire to glue “shiny things” to any part of my my anatomy, and even if I did, I can’t think of a single friend who I’d be wiling to have do it. Then again, I don’t parade around wearing mini-skirts and no underwear, either (something I think the world can be grateful for).

I’m not one to tell anybody how to live their lives, but if you want my opinion, guys and gals, leave that stuff alone. It’s fine the way it is, and nothing good can come from mixing “glue” and your private parts.

Speaking of dicks (and shiny stuff, at least in the case of one’s head), Harold Ford and Michael Steel are going to discuss “America’s future direction,” and they’re actually getting paid to do it. Why anyone would pay these two creepy clowns to offer their worthless opinions is beyond me. Frankly, the only future I’m interested in is one with neither of those two in it.

That, and me winning the lottery.