Today’s the day when some 78 million Americans don their three-cornered hats and take to the streets in celebration of George Washington’s victory over General Carlos Santa Anna at the Alamo that won the US its independence from Mexico back in 1776. That’s right, it’s Cinco de Mayo once again. Oh, sure, there’s another 233 million godless perverts with powdered wig fetishes that seem to think we were once at war with our good friends the British who taught us everything we know about imperialism and manifest destiny, but, of course, out here in “real” America, we all know that’s a load of crap. Well, the hell with them.

Today there’ll be much paradin’ and skies filled with our brave unmanned aerial vehicles painted with American flags on their tails. Then, after dark, comes an homage to our #1 credit holders – the Chinese – with massive barrages of fireworks, followed by the consumption of copious amounts of spaghetti. God, I love this time of year.

I’m not going to bother looking up who’s on the Boobleheads this morning. No doubt, there’ll be much flag-wavin’ and talk about how remarkable all those white men were when they “borrowed” the idea for their confederation from the godless Haudenosaunee, decided that rich guys (but not their wives and daughters) were created equal, and it was politically inexpedient to abolish slavery (but, what the hell, we’ll count a slave as three-fifths of a human being, as long as the other 40% gets to be owned like livestock).

Yes, God bless America and all that.

As for me, well, I’ll be celebrating the fourth by maybe doing some sanding and painting, and then later trying to decide if it’s worth wasting a bunch of charcoal to cook a couple of turkey burgers for myself. Maybe I’ll just toss a pizza in the oven instead. Either way, I’m gonna need more beer.

Whatever you do today, I hope y’all have a good holiday. Via con Dios, amigos y amigas. And feliz cuarto de Julio.