“Breaking” news this morning from CNN: according to some unnamed NATO dude, Osama bin Laden is alive and well and living in Pakistan (or maybe I should say, ‘Paki-Satan’). And not even in a cave, either. He’s in a house. Probably with high-speed Internet and satellite TV, too. And hear I thought he was making audio and video recordings and running his dialysis machine on batteries (some kickass batteries, too; they’ve lasted, like, nine years already). Or maybe he’s got an infidel-driven generator or something. So, my two-word (and not particularly well-formed) question is – October surprise? Does Obama have it in him to pull Osama out of his hat? Will bin Laden sacrifice himself so his brother Mooslam can stay in office and push his godless (oh, wait, he’s a secret Muslim, so I guess he can’t exactly be godless; it’s just the wrong god; I mean, god backwards, as we all know, is dog, but Allah backwards is halla, which is a kingdom in Goopy Gyne Bagha Byne). This, by the way, is why Mooslams hate dogs.

Big day at Home Depot yesterday, as they had all new carts (not wimpy shopping carts, but the lumber carts and flatbeds and whatnot). Probably not actually new, but reconditioned with all new wheels and orange paint jobs. These suckers damn near pushed themselves. It inspired me to purchase an extra sheet of Luann. Sadly, I managed to drop said piece of Luann from a not inconsiderable height onto my foot (and, of course, at a 90 degree angle; picture a 1/4″ wooden guillotine). Fear not, though, my big toe managed to take the full force of the hit (and or course I was wearing sneakers, not work boots, because, well, I’m not sure where any of my pairs of boots have gotten to at this point in time). As a result, my toe is an interesting shade of purple. And a bit on the sore side, which is good because it takes away from the pain of the other cuts and splinters I acquired over the weekend.

There’s much that happened in the sports world this weekend that we shall not speak of. However, we can at least be happy that the Jets managed to win – and now have the best record in the NFL at 5-1 (though the godless Patriots, led by Satan spawn and Justin Bieber wannabe Tom Brady, managed to pull out a win after sacrificing a virgin or chickens or something late in the 4th quarter; hey, say what you want about Brett Favre, but at least all he’s got is a picture of his naughty bits in his attic that ages instead of him). In other happy news, Dallas lost, bringing their record to 1-4, and cementing their lock on last place in the NFC East. Let’s hope they stay there.

I’d really hoped to be closing on the new house today. Not because I have a hankering to write a huge check and throw myself deeply into debt, but because I have a meeting this afternoon (at 3 o’clock, too; what idiot scheduled that, and I’d really hoped to be able to blow it off. Sadly, it appears that won’t happen. We have our biweekly Wednesday meeting this week. I hope I can at least miss that.

But, until then, I guess I have to go and face another Monday. That sucks.