It’s Easter Sunday (hard to believe; seems like just a month or so ago it was Ash Wednesday), which, if I recall my mythology correctly, is the A-Number-1 biggest day of the whole Christian year (which is the time it takes for the Sun to revolve around the Earth one time). Way bigger than X-mas, which gets all the publicity and righteous indignation from the likes of Fux News (especially that albino guy that looks like Beevis – or is it Butthead? – whose career – much like Greta Van Mushmouth’s – peaked with the OJ Trial). I mean, anybody can get themselves born (though, born to a virgin back before the days of artificial inspermination is a pretty good trick, I’ll grant ya that; you think Joseph ever felt like a schmuck for falling for that one, or was he more of a “don’t ask don’t tell” kinda guy?), but being executed and then getting up and walking away, well, without that, Jesus is just another hippie, commie-pinko, sandal-wearing carpenter, walking around spouting a whole lotta touchy-feeley peace, love, and anti-capitalist happy horseshit.

Of course, over the past couple thousand years, the Jesus story has morphed a bit, with the ” blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the Earth,” “let ye who is without sin cast the first stone” and that it’s “easier for a camel to pass though the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven” stuff being replaced by the parables of Gordon Gecko and the bible as interpreted by the likes of Fred Phelps and those rich preacher dudes on the teevee. On the bright side, we get chocolate Easter bunnies and “peeps,” which must make Jesus think that whole torture and death thing was so worth it.

What really pisses me off about today, though, is that Tractor Supply is closed. I mean, WTF? I need some shit from them, and if you’re not gonna give me the day off tomorrow (why the hell is Easter not a Monday holiday?), then I’m sorry but I only get two days off a week, and I really don’t need you shoving your corporate religious beliefs down my throat. I mean, here I have good old-fashioned American greenbacks (OK, more like good old-fashioned American plastic, but still) to spend, and y’all take it upon yourselves to close and give your employees a day off (not with pay, I bet, either)? Shameful.

Fortunately, Home Depot has no such compunction. They open at eight, and I’ll be there.

Happy Sunday.