I’m not sure what today’s itinerary is. I’ve heard some conflicting reports, like, the good people are going to heaven, and the rest of us are gonna stay here and live in misery for six months before the world is destroyed. Then again, I heard that there’s gonna be earthquakes and stuff that kill us heathens today. So, whatever it is that happens, it’s been nice knowing you, and it’ll be great to meet you all in person when we get to Hell. I don’t know if we’ll get to see all the people who have come and gone or not, but I hope so. I think Fred is probably already down there giving Satan a hard time.

Hello, God? Lucifer here. Look, will you take this f*cking Fred guy off my hands? All night long, with the shooting the tommy gun…. Oy. Seriously, nobody can get any sleep. Lilith is miserable, and when Lilith isn’t happy, aint nobody happy, know’m sayin’? Look, we’ll trade you straight up for Jerry Falwell, and let me tell you, you’re getting the best part of that deal.

So, anyhow, whoever gets there first, pick out a nice spot in a quiet corner (try and find something in the shade, if you can) and save us some seats. And don’t forget to bring your camera. We can post the pictures up on the web next week.

See ya.