In order to demonstrate that I’m a “regular American,” I’ve decided to take the day off from the discussion of my unofficial campaign for President (I wonder if I can get me some of that Colbert Super PAC money), and do something “regular’ instead. Namely, complain about the weather. Boy, how ’bout that rain, huh? Been gettin’ lots of it around here. Oh, not flooding or anything. But I did have to pump some water out of my pool because the water level – much like the rent – was just too damn high. Also too damn cold. What the hell happened to summer? Boy howdy, you folks down there in TX and OK don’t know how lucky you have it with your drought and your triple-digit temperatures. Oh, and your flat, bleak landscapes, too. None of those damn hills and green trees obscuring the landscape. That’s why, if it turns out I can’t be President, I’m endorsing Rick Perry. ‘Cuz if there’s anybody who can turn the entire US of A into one big god-fearing, arid, and completely bleak landscape, it’s Rick Perry.

But Rick won’t be able to turn things around overnight, and all this cool weather has me thinking about snow. Yes, it’ll be here before you know it (or at least before I know it; not to worry, I’ll make sure to keep you in the loop regarding our seasonal snowfall and where we stand in defending our Golden Snowball and Golden Snow Globe championships. Not at the expense of reporting on SU sports, though, so don’t worry), and I’m starting to come to the realization that my lofty goal of building a plywood cab for my tractor appears to be going the way of my lofty goal of building a homemade solar water heater.

So now my thoughts have turned to buying a damn cab for my tractor. But they’re damn expensive. So maybe I’ll invest in a damn plow blade instead. At least I should be able to plow the damn driveway faster. But, damn, turns out they’re damn expensive, too. Damnit.

So I guess I just won’t do much of anything. Except sit on my ass and complain.

‘Cuz that’s free. And it’s what we regular Americans do best (next to shoving corn dogs as far down our throats as possible and eating deep-fried butter on a stick).