I saw yet another “news” story this morning about how American kids are stupid and rank far lower than other kids around the world (and it’s only gonna get worse now that Sue’s out of the business). The suggestion was to sit down and watch Sesame Street with your 2-yr old. That’s fine, I suppose, but it’s not really gonna help that much. First, ban the rash of “teevee for morons” programming that’s become all the rage these days. You know, shows like Dancing with the Washed-Up Has-Been Morons, Are You Smarter Than a Moron, Jersey Shore Morons, America’s Got Morons, Moron Survivor, and American Idiot. Oh, and Fux News.

Also, I see no reason why we’re comparing all American kids to kids in other countries. It’s clearly unfair. When it comes to science, math, etc., they should exclude kids from the stupid states (where they think “science” is just a theory that’s out there, and not something you can prove like Intelligent Design – hell, all you gotta do is look at like, clouds and flowers and shit, and you can see His Hand in everything). Let them participate in a Jesus study.

I’m sure kids from Texas, Alabama, Mississippi, etc., can out-Jesus pretty much everybody else’s kids. Just make sure it’s about the “new” Jesus who hates redistribution of wealth, wears white socks with his sandals, rewards His flock with cold hard cash and hates fags and whatnot.

Speaking of stupid, the FBI has felt it necessary to reiterate the fact that it’s a felony to try and blind pilots with a laser. Uh, duh?

…24-year-old Justin Stouder…said he had no idea that pointing the laser into the cockpit blinded everyone inside.

Um, so what exactly was the point, then? You thought maybe they’d have a cat in the cockpit that would start chasing the dot around, and then they’d all get a chuckle and some much-needed stress relief before landing the plane, and then they’d bring the flight attendants over to your house for a laser party with the Labatts Blue Girls, and tell you how really cool and funny you are? Or what?

Speaking of airplanes, the NYPD Chief of Police says they have what it takes to “bring down a plane” in an “extreme event.” Not sure when taking a plane down over Manhattan would be a good idea (you think pieces of a satellite are dangerous? Try dodging much larger and more-intact flaming chunks of an Airbus A380). Speculation is whether the NYPD has a battery of surface-to-air missiles (god help you, Sue), or just some police helicopters outfitted with 50-calibre machine guns. Personally, I think they have undercover cops on the Empire State Building observation deck armed with pen lasers.

When I think of the NYPD, I can’t help but think of plungers (well, that and being executed in your doorway for the crime of pulling a cell phone). And when I think of plungers, my thoughts tend to wander to Rick Santorum.

Speaking of which (or whom), Rick Santorum says Rick Perry is soft on marijuana because he wrote in his book that states should be able to legalize it if they want to. Really? Rick Perry wrote a book? Amazing. And as for you, other Rick, seriously? That’s all you’ve got? Soft on pot? How 1970’s of you. I forget, where did Santorum come from again, and why does anybody care that he’s pretending to run for Preznit? I’d google it but, well, I’m afraid of what the results returned will be (even worse than if the Republicans were running Diego “Dirty” Sanchez).

BTW, thanks to some very good detective work by Vernon, we’ve (OK, he’s) uncovered the name of that BBC show I mentioned the other day. It was apparently a “special” in the “Everyman” series, entitled, “Everyman: A Game of Ghosts” which aired back in 1991. Doesn’t seem to be available for viewing anywhere, so unless you happen to have it squirreled away on VHS someplace and can make me a copy (at which point I will be able to tell my wife, “see? I told you throwing out the VCRs we never use anymore was a bad idea”), I guess I’m SOL.

Guess I’ll have to read a book instead, though that’s so much more difficult than watching the teevee.

Speaking of the teevee, finally, our long national Charlie Sheen nightmare is over, as Sheen and the producers of his former show have come to a settlement of undisclosed terms over his being fired (which would explain his making nice-nice in public lately). Thank goodness, we can all get on with our lives in the post-Ashton Kutcher world. Assuming you gave a hoot.

Speaking of which, the Great Horned (aka, “hoot”) Owls out in the woods are very active this morning, calling back and forth. I often hear them shrieking for food, but this morning they’re doing their hoot thing, and they’ve been going at it for quite a while now. I haven’t managed to catch a good look at them yet. I guess I need to get some night vision glasses. We also have lots of hawks out there (especially during the summer, when various species hang out), and I’ve seen at least one eagle (not sure if it was a Golden, or a baby Bald). They’re big suckers. Hopefully the cats are keeping their eyes open (though I think they have more to fear from the coyotes than the hawks)

Ah, the beauty of nature. Makes you want to get an assault rifle and rent a helicopter and start killing shit.

Oooh. New idea for a “reality” show. Sarah Palin’s New York, where the former governor flies around in the NYPD assault chopper with “deputy” Ted Nugent, and the two blow the squirrels out of Central Park with the 50-cals.

That’d be sweet. And a ratings winner in the Bible Belt, you betcha.