I’m sure you’ve all heard the horrible, devastating (and horribly devastating) news from yesterday, but as it’s earth-shaking and game-changing, it bears repeating: Sarah Palin will not be running for President. Since her voice is like fingernails on a chalkboard to me, I didn’t actually listen to what she said, but I’m assuming it had something to do with not being shackled by the constraints of a campaign (in other words, abiding by campaign finance laws). Immediately after we lost Palin (as a candidate – fortunately her wit and wisdom will still be available to anyone willing to pay for it), she was hailed by her mindless followers – who lauded her many achievements without actually naming anything she’d achieved – as a genius and innovator who revolutionized life as we know it. She will be missed. 🙁

In other not exactly surprising news, Steve Jobs died at the age of 56. Most people croak from pancreatic cancer in less than a year, but of course if you have more money than God, you can buy yourself more time. Jobs bought himself about seven years, during which he became – much like his products – thinner and lighter. In the end, though, nobody gets out alive.

I was trying to figure out what Jobs actually did that made him such an innovator and genius and whatnot, but, being basically ignorant, I’m not really sure. I think it has something to do with hooking up with Steve Wozniak, who actually made shit. Jobs main talent, as far as I can tell, was taking other people’s ideas and getting still other people to make them better (or at least more “stylish”) – and then marketing the shit out of them.

Under Jobs, Apple didn’t invent computers, digital music players or smartphones….

“We have always been shameless about stealing great ideas,” Jobs said in an interview for the 1996 PBS series “Triumph of the Nerds.”

What Jobs failed to add, however – and what I find most annoying about companies like Apple – was that they were also shameless about patenting and/or copyrighting these great, stolen ideas (or at least trying to) in an effort to thwart the innovation of others. I firmly believe that, had Apple had its way, personal computers would cost $5,000 today, instead of $500 (or less), and would have nothing but proprietary connectors for expansion devices that would only accept over-priced (but very stylish) official Apple (or Apple-licensed) products.

So, anyhow, you can expect to see a whole lot of “the genius of Jobs” over the coming weeks, months, and even years (I expect one of Jobs’ last directives was a marketing campaign designed to capitalize on his passing), as the tech world slobbers over his corpse like Peggy Noonan at a Dead Reagan convention.

The person I really feel sorry for in all of this is Sarah Palin, whose “I’m not running” announcement has been way upstaged by the death of Steve Jobs.

And for that, I extend to him my sincere thanks.

Genius.