Tuesday! Oh shit, you know what that means. It’s time for everyone’s favorite show The Deadliest Catch. Now, I wasn’t always a fan of this show, but I really needed an excuse to excessively drink on a Tuesday night. Albeit alone, but another reason to be drunk as a skunk none-the-less.

I’m headed to everyone’s favorite state tomorrow. I wasn’t always a fan of Alaska, but when I turned twenty-one here in the lower 48, I learned that being a chain-smoking alcoholic was cool– and if you worked on a crab or a dredge boat you were even cooler. Don’t worry about me, I’ll try not to blend in with the fishes too much. Wouldn’t want to be floating in a river by the end of the summer.

Sucks to be you if you’re a disc golf fan in Anchorage today because that shit just got shutdown like a mother fucker. Too many drunks smoking pot playing frisbee is a big fucking deal, I guess. Don’t worry about elections that the ACLU or NAACP or NCAA or NBA or whoever-the-fuck thinks isn’t legit. Oh, and the 17 year veteran of the JPD who shot off 70 to 100 rounds after a night of drinking isn’t a big deal either, I think that’s just typical Alaska spirit right there.

Where was I? Oh, O Canada! Our home and native land!…