I was listening to NPR yesterday (not sure what show – they all just kind of blend into one another these days), and they did a report on “why Americans use the same hand for their knife and their fork?” This is probably not the dumbest story I’ve ever heard on NPR, but I can’t think of anything more stupid at the moment. According to whoever the hell they had on as a knife and fork expert, Americans cut their food, then put the knife down and switch the fork over to their cutting hand, while Europeans don’t.

And I thought, what am I, just an uncouth barbarian who eats two-fisted with both utensils in hand and poised to take down anybody who gets between me and my food (I also prefer to sit in a corner with my back to the wall so nobody can sneak up on me)? ‘Cuz I don’t do no fancy-schmancy fork hand switching. And I’m certainly not European. Frankly, I think my way is much more American than any of that dainty stuff. They also mentioned something or other about whether you hold the fork tines down or not, but by then I was tuning out so I don’t know what the “correct” way is. I tend to keep my tines up when they’re not in use (better defense posture).

I’ve also heard a few “Lone Ranger” stories over the past couple of days. One was actually kind of interesting, about the guy who wrote the original character for the radio in 1933, and the origins of the mask, silver bullets, and of course hid faithful companion, Tonto (who they came up with because one lone ranger riding a horse doesn’t lend itself to very good radio). I mean, they could have had him talk to his horse, but it would be almost 30 years before they came up with the genius idea of Mr. Ed, who probably wouldn’t have played that well on the radio anyway. Part of the charm was seeing Mr. Ed’s mouth move. But then, who knows. I could never figure out how Edgar Bergen could be a ventriloquist on the radio. I mean, WTF? I think pretty much anybody could be a ventriloquist on the radio. Pretty hot daughter, though.

The other stories were about this new Lone Ranger movie, which frankly has me baffled. Apparently Johnny Depp wanted to restore “dignity” to the character of Tonto (and a white guy playing a Native American is way more dignified than the teevee version of a Mohawk man playing a Native American), and since he’s a big star, he gets to do whatever he wants. I can only imagine the pitch meetings.

Johnny Depp: I wanna do a remake of the Lone Ranger

Movie Studio Fat Cat: Brilliant! You’ll make a great Lone Ranger, Johnny! We’ll give you a $250 million budget! It’s gonna be a monster!

JD: No, I wanna play the part of Tonto. And I want to do it with the dignity befitting an Native American.

MSFC: Brilliant! You’ll make a great Tonto, Johnny. A great one!

JD: And I wanna play Tonto wearing makeup like Gene Simmons from Kiss!

MSFC: Yeah, um, OK, whatever. Brilliant!

JD: And I wanna wear a dead bird on my head.

MSFC: Uh. Yeah. Brilliant?

Looks like Edward Snowden can move to Venezuela, if he can figure out how to get there. ‘Cuz you know sure as shit, if he tries to fly over one of our European colonies (as VE president Nicolas Maduro calls them), they’ll force the plane down the way they did to the President of Ecuador. I guess he can also go to Nicaragua, but I think I’d prefer VE. Looks nice there, moderate temperatures, and Caracas seems like a good city for a young fella on the run. The death rate is kinda high (lots of murders in Caracas, too), but as long as he has money, he’ll probably be OK. Now, where he’s gonna get money from is a different story. He’s had some decent jobs, but he’s kind of young to have saved up much money (and I’d imagine that pole dancer girlfriends are expensive). Plus I’m assuming the US has frozen his assets (though they haven’t mentioned that in the news at all).

Maybe the Obama Administration can’t freeze his assets, ‘cuz it’d be illegal, and they’d never do anything illegal. :paranoid: :rofl2:

Oh well, another hot and humid day on tap for us here today. Good for the pool, but not so good for much of anything else (definitely not so good for the dogs, who are more than happy to go swim in a mud hole, but show no inclination whatsoever to go into the pool). Not that I can do much anyway (other than dodge the thunderstorms and try to get the lawn mowed). The problem with my left Achilles tendon seems almost all better, thankfully. Unfortunately, I seem to have developed severe pain my my left big toe and the tendon that makes it wiggle. That just kind of developed overnight, out of nowhere.

Fascinating.

You really tend to take your feet for granted, until they develop a grudge against you.