Big day today, as Zephyr Teachout will try to Wu NY Democrats and hopefully defeat that sorryass non-Democrat Democrat Governor of ours. Or at least hopefully she gets enough votes to make Andy nervous. If you’re a NY Democrat, be sure to head to the polls and vote for her and for Wu as well. If you’re not a NY Democrat, well, I hear voter fraud is super easy to get away with here in NY, ‘cuz we kind of encourage people to vote instead of making it difficult for them.

As if Primary Day wasn’t enough, today is also the day the cab for my tractor is supposed to arrive. Not that I’ll be installing it anytime soon (I certainly hope the snow doesn’t fly for a while, but you never know), but it’ll be nice to have something new to clutter the garage with.

But wait, there’s more! Destiny – a PS4 game I pre ordered months and months ago so I’d get exclusive access to play the beta when it came out (but never did) – will be delivered today as well. This is good, ‘cuz I’ve been through Wolfenstein: The New Order a couple of times now. Unfortunately, I suck at video games, but what the hell.

None of that matters, of course, because today’s the day that Apple will announce a new iPhone! And it’s reportedly gonna be something special – the same fucking iPhone as it ever is with a bigger screen (actually, two bigger screen sizes). Oh, and it’s going to be slightly thinner, of course. And cool, really cool. Probably the coolest iPhone ever. Plus I hear they may incorporate a few features that have been available on the Android platform for a long time, but which will now be THE MOST AWESOME THINGS EVER!! Oh and they may announce a watch, too!

So, I guess I’d been living in a news blackout zone, but I hadn’t heard anything about the Ray Rice guy until a couple days ago, even though we knew about it back in February. And that was just to catch a headline that there was video of him punching his then-fiance (now wife) in an elevator. I guess I assumed it would be something disturbing, but yesterday I actually saw the video and I have to say it was worse than I thought. I mean, I was shocked (and that’s not easy to do).

To see this “big man” haul off and knock this woman out cold and then drag her out of the elevator…. I dunno what to say, so I guess I’ll just go with the words of < a href="http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/brian-kilmeade-jokes-ray-rice-video">Fux News’ Senior Relationship Expert Brian Kilmeade:

“I think the message is take the stairs.”

Or, as co-host Steve Douchey replied:

“The message is, when you’re in an elevator, there’s a camera.”

Good point, Steve. If you’re gonna beat the woman you “love” unconscious, wait until you get someplace private.

Damn, still pitch black out there. When the hell does the sun come up these days?