To continue the recent “poop” theme here (stay classy, Seditionists!)…. I’m not sure why I’d want a terlet with a wireless remote control (unless I could keep it by my bed at night – the remote, that is, though having the toilet by the bed isn’t a bad idea, either; it would help tp keep me from stepping on dogs on the weay to the bathroom – and have it get up and take a piss for me), but if you’ve been hankerin’ for a fancy bidet-style system, Woot has some deals for you today (I would say “Woot has your ass covered,” but that sort of crass humor is beneath me).

Technically speaking, these aren’t entire toilets – merely fancy-schmancy seats. For, like, anywhere from $260 to $450. This may seem like a lot of money for a toilet seat, but, for instance, the $450 one supposedly goes for $1500! And I must say, the features did catch my eye.

Hybrid Instant Water Heating Technology
Patented 3 in 1 Nozzle with Vortex Technology
Stainless Steel Nozzle
Wider Water Stream
Bubble Infusion
Wireless Remote Control
Motorized Nozzle Cleaning
Patent Pending Hydro-Flush
Oscillating Wash
Massaging Wash

I mean, without providing “too much information,” I definitely could use the “wider water stream” and while I’ve never actually used a bidet (up here in the provinces, it’s foliage in the summer, junk mail in the winter), the bubble infusion, and oscillating/massaging wash sound rather intriguing. And if you can use the remote to precisely target the exact area you desire….

heat

Let’s just say, it’s got possibilities, though if I were to design a bidet toilet seat, I would come up with something like a rotating dishwasher spray arm.

Oh well, at that price there’ll be no such refreshing moments in my day, but I guess I’d better get ready for work anyway. As I was leaving yesterday, I almost hit our pet deer whilst I was rounding the bend in our driveway. Had to slam on the brakes and everything as she ran out in front of me and over into the corn field. Scared the crap right out of me (and me without a proper bidet). And then her two kids came along a couple moments later.

Then it was dead raccoon day, as I had to drive past (and around) several raccoon road kills on the way to work. Hopefully there’ll be fewer perils and less death and destruction today.