I don’t know about you, but I order a lot of shit from Amazon (which, I know, I shouldn’t because they treat their warehouse workers like crap but, hey, I’m cheap and lazy and between 2-day shipping, free cloud storage for photos, Amazon Prime video, and really cheap Kindle books, nothing appeals to a slacker quite like Amazon). I am especially fond of the “subscribe and save” items, which is why I am currently stocked to the gills with paper towels, toilet paper, soup, rice, and pretty much anything I can get them to deliver. It’s like having Christmas every month.

Unfortunately, all this snow has put a damper on things. I’ve got a whole bunch of shit just sitting on a truck somewhere near Buffalo, and I don’t think things will be moving again anytime soon. Not before next week, I’m guessing.

I would say that this could put a damper on my Thanksgiving, but of course there will be no Thanksgiving for me this year. I’ll be home alone with the dogs and the cats (and the mice – whose population seems to be rapidly dwindling thanks to all the traps I bought at Amazon), doing little more than packing my bags and charging my portable electronic devices in preparation for being forced to abandon my dogs and fly to Minneapolis early (very early) Friday morning.

I really hate the whole flying thing – especially having to do it alone. I hate having to figure out what to bring and I hate having to figure out what goddamn gate I have to go to (not bad in Syracuse, since our airport aint exactly JFK, but I have to change planes in Detroit on the way out) and I hate using public rest rooms (probably should hold off on the beer and chicken wings the night before) – especially at the Minneapolis airport (thankfully, I have a narrow stance)….

I’ve decided that this is going to have to be the last time I’m ever going to fly anywhere, and if I didn’t actually like my stepdaughter I’d have figured out how to weasel my way out going to her wedding (there’s also the fact that my wife would have done everything in her power to make my life miserable had I not gone, but seeing as she long ago stopped doing all the things she used to for me – taking the dogs to the vet, talking on the phone for me, making appointments for me, etc. – there’s really not much she can do to me).

But this is it for me. If anybody else croaks or gets married, they goddamn well better do it within an hour drive of my house. In fact, fuck it – nobody I know is allowed to get married or die from here on out. That goes for your parents, siblings, in-laws, and children, too. No more weddings, no more funerals. I’ve had enough of both to last until my funeral in a couple of years (or sooner, if the plane crashes).

Oh well, at least today is Friday.