It’s special election day down in Alabama, and by the end of the day I predict we’ll have a fitting replacement for Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III in the United States Senate. Although polling suggests a tight race, I predict that when all is said and done Roy “Grandpa” Moore and his micropistol will wind up with an easy win.

Because, hey, it’s Alabama where the popular sentiment is pretty much, “hey, my cousin was only 14 when I married her, so what’s the big deal?” And we don’t want the goddamn godless liberals and lyin’ media telling us who to vote for, now do we? So congrats to Roy and the rest of good old boys (and the women girls who love them) down there in the Heart of Dixie.

This one’s for you.