{"id":2632,"date":"2010-02-03T06:57:02","date_gmt":"2010-02-03T11:57:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/morningseditionists.com\/msblog\/?p=2632"},"modified":"2010-02-03T08:56:35","modified_gmt":"2010-02-03T13:56:35","slug":"one-more-for-the-road","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.morningseditionists.com\/msblog2\/2010\/02\/03\/one-more-for-the-road\/","title":{"rendered":"One More for the Road"},"content":{"rendered":"

OK, to everybody out there thinking about getting married, I just wanna say one thing. If you’re going over what your vows are gonna be at the ceremony and your soon-to-be spouse insists<\/em><\/strong> that you take out the part where you promise to be faithful to each other<\/a>, you have no excuse for being surprised when he goes off to “hike the Appalachian Trail.” Now, I don’t honestly remember if my vows contained a fidelity clause or not (I might have kind of assumed it was implied by the whole “getting married” part – I mean, I understand shit happens, but why the hell get married if you’re not gonna at least start out<\/em><\/strong> with the goal of not screwing around), but when they go out of their way to say, “nope, uh-uh, no friggin’ way am I agreeing to that<\/em><\/strong>,” let’s face it: they’re really just not that into you. If you plan on marrying the bastid anyway, I think it’s time to take up drinking.<\/p>\n

Speaking of drinking, times being what they are, Americans are officially drinking the cheap stuff now<\/a>. <\/p>\n

An industry report shows Americans’ love affair with top-shelf booze cooled last year as the recession took a toll on high-priced drinks.<\/p>\n

The report shows shows people drank more but turned to cheaper brands. They also drank more at home….<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Yep, we’re hanging out on the couch drinking rot gut, and we’re drinking lots<\/em><\/strong> of it. And good for us. If you’re going to hell, there’s no point in showing up sober.<\/p>\n

If you’re one of the few people out there still looking for a good reason to start<\/em><\/strong> drinking, consider this: there are Republicans living among us, and a new DK\/Research 2000 poll tells us what they’re thinking:<\/p>\n

39% want Obama to be impeached. For what, I don’t know. I’m not sure being a “you-know-what” qualifies as a high crime or misdemeanor. More than six in ten Republicans think Obama is a socialist (for once, I wish they were correct). A minority of Republicans – 42% – believe Obama was born in the United States (the rest, presumably, either think he was born in Nigeria or aren’t sure whether Hawaii is part of the US or not – and you have to admit that them there Hawaiians don’t really look<\/em><\/strong> like regular Americans). A majority of Republicans – 53% – think Sarah Palin is more qualified than Obama to be president, and almost a quarter of them want to secede from the United States. <\/p>\n

Fine, y’all can have Texas and elect Sarah as your queen (she can keep an eye on Hugo Chavez, ‘cuz I’m pretty sure you can see Venezuela from Houston – you better tell her he isn’t the President of Mexico first, though). Now shut up and leave us alone so we can have electric vehicles and universal health care out here in “real” America. <\/p>\n

Nearly three-quarters of Republicans don’t think gay people should be allowed to teach in public schools. So what are all those unemployed teachers supposed do? Become republican Congressmen? I guess they can enlist in the military, too, once we get that whole “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” thing cleaned up (except I’m sure Republicans overwhelmingly disapprove of that, too).<\/p>\n

And nearly a third of Republicans want contraception to be illegal. Not, “not taught in school,” but outright outlawed. The poll doesn’t say, but I’m guessing 99% of those<\/em><\/strong> would oppose taxes to pay to feed, house, and educate all those extra kids, and they damn sure wouldn’t want sex education taught in school – unless it’s “Abstinence Only,” of course. After all, “just say no” won the War on Drugs for us; it should work great for eliminating unwanted pregnancies, too.<\/p>\n

Oh well, time to head out for work. Gotta pay my booze bill somehow.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

OK, to everybody out there thinking about getting married, I just wanna say one thing. If you’re going over what your vows are gonna be at the ceremony and your soon-to-be spouse insists that you take out the part where you promise to be faithful to each other, you have no excuse for being surprised […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2632","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.morningseditionists.com\/msblog2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2632","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.morningseditionists.com\/msblog2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.morningseditionists.com\/msblog2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.morningseditionists.com\/msblog2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.morningseditionists.com\/msblog2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2632"}],"version-history":[{"count":14,"href":"https:\/\/www.morningseditionists.com\/msblog2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2632\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2646,"href":"https:\/\/www.morningseditionists.com\/msblog2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2632\/revisions\/2646"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.morningseditionists.com\/msblog2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2632"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.morningseditionists.com\/msblog2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2632"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.morningseditionists.com\/msblog2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2632"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}