What with the rapture and Apocalypse being a bust, I was rather surprised to find four exhausted but grateful toads (Grateful Toad – good name for a jam band; bet there already is one – if not, I claim copyright) in the skimmer basket. It was my first 4-toad morning (the summer corollary to a three-dog night, perhaps). Then I heard the news on the teevee this morning, and understood. The real end of the world is still on schedule for October. Saturday was just a “spiritual judgment day” according to that Camping dude. He reminds me a bit of the black knight in The Holy Grail. I guess he figures he’ll either get this right eventually or croak (speaking of frogs and toads). I say, why postpone your appointment with the Lord, Harold?<\/p>\n
In keeping with todays rock-and-roll theme, I’m happy to report that out in Minneapolis, the kids are alright. And Web, too, which is good to hear. One of the kids is just outside the “exclusion zone,” and it looks like the tornado missed by about two or three blocks of her home. Good news indeed (though it didn’t get her the day off yesterday, which is too bad). <\/p>\n
I know you’re all anxious with curiosity, so I’ll let you know that the big blue toilet is history (actually, it’s sitting on my front porch, in true white-trash fashion). It didn’t go down without a fight, though, as I had to sawzall off the bolts (and in true manly fashion, I neglected to wear safety glasses, despite the clear and present danger of flying shards of porcelain; not because I’m brave, but because I was too damn lazy to go down to the basement and root around for a pair). Plus, I think the porcelain managed to soak up 35+ years of piss smell that will no doubt outlast the Apocalypse. Bleh. <\/p>\n
Anyhow, the new dual-flush model is in place, and it should be the last toilet I ever buy (rapture or not). At least for that room. I haven’t given it the supreme test as of yet (it looks so nice and shiny and clean, I hate to defile it), so I don’t know if it will require adjustments. The boom-boom flush looks adequate (hard to tell without some actual goodies in there – guess I should’ve picked up a bag of Snickers bars), but I’m slight dubious about the #1. Not that I require much in that regard, but as we all know, girlie flushes need a little extra oomph, what with their wanton use of paper products for every little thing.<\/p>\n
Oh well, I need to get to work. I have shit I need to get done by Thursday, or I won’t be able to take Friday off (or even Memorial Day).<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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