{"id":5881,"date":"2011-07-21T05:25:59","date_gmt":"2011-07-21T09:25:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/morningseditionists.com\/msblog\/?p=5881"},"modified":"2011-07-21T05:25:59","modified_gmt":"2011-07-21T09:25:59","slug":"thursday-55","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.morningseditionists.com\/msblog2\/2011\/07\/21\/thursday-55\/","title":{"rendered":"Thursday"},"content":{"rendered":"

If you’re in the market for five shirts (say, to donate to your local homeless shelter or something), today’s Woot is for you<\/a>. Five random sport shirts for $13 ($7.99 + $5 shipping). As for me, I’d just as soon not even have to wear a shirt today (at the risk of looking like a refugee from COPS, except I’m not drunk), ‘cuz it’s already hot. They’ve revised their forecast for today, and are predicting a high of 100°. A great day to not have to go to work (but then, what day isn’t?). <\/p>\n

I’m having doubts that Granny would be able to protect me from a potential shaving cream pie attack (not that she wouldn’t be willing; I just don’t think she has the cat-like reflexes of Rupert Murdoch’s wife), so I’m looking at getting myself an Asian bride who’s 40 years younger than I am. However, in doing the math, it occurred to me that that would make her 10 years old. That just might, possibly, be slightly on the disgusting side (unlike the Wendi\/Rupie nuptial situation, which of course doesn’t make the mockery of the institution of marriage that, say, two dudes who love each other would).<\/p>\n

However, I think I have a solution (and maybe this is what Rupert did). If you wait ’til you’re an old fart, I’m reckoning that a young woman is pretty expensive to hook up with and, let’s face it, I just aint gonna have Rupert Murdoch’s money. So why not just adopt a Chinese (or a Hispanic or African-American) kid now? From what I understand, if they aren’t white and aren’t babies, you can get a pretty good deal on one (plus, if they’re a little bit older, you can put ’em to work right away).<\/p>\n

So I’m thinking I can not only retire early, but will have somebody to take care of me in my old age.<\/p>\n

Sadly, there might be some legal issues to work through (damn government regulation; why not let the free market work the way it’s supposed to?) none of that will help me right away. So I guess that means I’ve gotta go to work.<\/p>\n

Stay cool.<\/p>\n