I saw yet another “news” story this morning about how American kids are stupid and rank far lower than other kids around the world (and it’s only gonna get worse now that Sue’s out of the business). The suggestion was to sit down and watch Sesame Street with your 2-yr old. That’s fine, I suppose, but it’s not really gonna help that much. First, ban the rash of “teevee for morons” programming that’s become all the rage these days. You know, shows like Dancing with the Washed-Up Has-Been Morons, Are You Smarter Than a Moron, Jersey Shore Morons, America’s Got Morons, Moron Survivor, and American Idiot. Oh, and Fux News. <\/p>\n
Also, I see no reason why we’re comparing all<\/em><\/strong> American kids to kids in other countries. It’s clearly unfair. When it comes to science, math, etc., they should exclude kids from the stupid states (where they think “science” is just a theory that’s out there, and not something you can prove like Intelligent Design – hell, all you gotta do is look at like, clouds and flowers and shit, and you can see His Hand in everything). Let them participate in a Jesus study. <\/p>\n I’m sure kids from Texas, Alabama, Mississippi, etc., can out-Jesus pretty much everybody else’s kids. Just make sure it’s about the “new” Jesus who hates redistribution of wealth, wears white socks with his sandals, rewards His flock with cold hard cash and hates fags and whatnot. <\/p>\n Speaking of stupid, the FBI has felt it necessary to reiterate the fact that it’s a felony to try and blind pilots with a laser<\/a>. Uh, duh? <\/p>\n …24-year-old Justin Stouder…said he had no idea that pointing the laser into the cockpit blinded everyone inside. <\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n Um, so what exactly was the point, then? You thought maybe they’d have a cat in the cockpit that would start chasing the dot around, and then they’d all get a chuckle and some much-needed stress relief before landing the plane, and then they’d bring the flight attendants over to your house for a laser party with the Labatts Blue Girls, and tell you how really cool and funny you are? Or what? <\/p>\n Speaking of airplanes, the NYPD Chief of Police says they have what it takes to “bring down a plane” in an “extreme event.” Not sure when taking a plane down over Manhattan would be a good idea (you think pieces of a satellite are dangerous? Try dodging much larger and more-intact flaming chunks of an Airbus A380). Speculation is whether the NYPD has a battery of surface-to-air missiles (god help you, Sue), or just some police helicopters outfitted with 50-calibre machine guns. Personally, I think they have undercover cops on the Empire State Building observation deck armed with pen lasers. <\/p>\n When I think of the NYPD, I can’t help but think of plungers (well, that and being executed in your doorway for the crime of pulling a cell phone). And when I think of plungers, my thoughts tend to wander to Rick Santorum.<\/p>\n