A while back I heard somebody talking about how toilet paper hadn’t been significantly changed since 1890 when brothers Clarence and E. Irvin Scott put it on a roll. It may not be a perfect product, but it would seem to be pretty much as good as it’s gonna get (assuming we Americans don’t adopt the bidet style of – and I read this phrase while doing research on this topic – “anal cleansing”). Never fear, though, because when it comes to wiping your ass, Adam Smith’s invisible hand is always ready to reach out. <\/p>\n
Along those lines, I got a free sample in the mail yesterday (addressed specifically to me, which makes me wonder what they know about me that I don’t know) for something called Cottonelle “CleanCare,” which appears to basically be moist towelettes for your ass.<\/p>\n
This isn’t so much a new idea as the re-marketing of an old failed one that preceded the Scott brothers invention by about three decades. Back in 1857, Joseph Gayetty came out with aloe-infused sheets of manila hemp dispensed from Kleenex-like boxes. Gayetty claimed they prevented hemorrhoids. <\/p>\n
Apparently these things didn’t catch on at the time because the Sears catalog was free and people couldn’t see paying for something that you couldn’t even read. <\/p>\n
Now, while flush toilets were invented quite some time ago, I don’t know how prevalent they were back in the mid 19th century, but obviously one thing we need to worry about these days is “flushability.” These CleanCare things claim to be flushable, but I’ve read reviews claiming they plug up the sewer line. And since I’m on a septic system, I don’t think I’ll be taking the risk on these. <\/p>\n
Once you’ve been ankle deep in human sewage in your basement, you tend to be a little gun shy.<\/p>\n
Next time I eat wings or spare ribs, though, I’ll definitely break these suckers out. I may not want to wipe my ass with them, but I’ll give ’em a try on my face.<\/p>\n
The other interesting thing was the notice inside the package inviting me to visit Cottonelle’s FAcbook page to “talk about my bum.” Now, I know there are a lot of assholes on Facebook, but I see no reason to seek them out, and I certainly don’t want to talk with and\/or about them.<\/p>\n
Whatever will they think of next?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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