Gee, April Fools and the Sunday talking head shows. How appropriate.

This week, Timmy Potatohead tells us he’s ashamed of being a disgusting shill, and vows to start speaking truth to power. His guests on Press the Meat this week are Joe Lieberman, who admits what a pathetic piece of shit he’s become, then resigns from the US Senate, and Senator John McCain, who discloses that that shit in his cheek is actually an alien symbiont. McCain then begs somebody to shoot him before they hatch. Fellow Vietnam Vet Jim Webb is happy to oblige. Over at Fux News, an apparently inebriated Chris Wallace begins the show by sobbing out an apology to his dad for growing up to be such a failure, admitting to wearing women’s underwear, and saying he’s through with being a Republican propagandist. He also calls Rubert Murdoch the incarnation of Joseph Goebbels, tells him to go fuck himself, and then walks off the set, drastically in need of a diaper change. Bill O’Reilly – glassy-eyed, and still wet from the shower – rushes to fill in, still holding what’s left of a soggy falafel in one of his meaty little fists. At CBS, Bob Schieffer decides to turn the tables; instead of facing the nation, he moons it. George Snufalufagus, hosting a special roundtable, tells Cokie “the Cryptkeeper” Roberts that she makes him physically ill. He then yanks the toupee off Sam Donaldson’s head, and shoves it down George Will’s throat, leaving both his hand and Will’s lips covered in black shoe polish. Over at CNN, they change the name of the “Situation Room” to the “Position Room,” and Wolf Blitzer dutifully assumes the position. Later, on 60 Minutes, Morley Safer tells Andy Rooney he’s tired of his whining, bitch-slaps him a few times, and then spits in his face. Rooney responds by squeaking out, “did you ever wonder why people have to spit in the drinking fountain? It never goes down the drain, and then the next person coming along has to bend down and just about put their nose in it, just to get a drink of water.”

April Fools!

OK, now the real April fools….

On Press the Meat, the Potaoheaded one hosts Pat Leahy, who will hopefully choke the shit out of Gonzo apologist, Orrin “down the” Hatch. Also, Charlie Rangel will be on to hawk his new book.

Meanwhile, it’s more Gonzo and a little bit of Iraq over at CBS, as Bush buddy Bobby Schieffer hosts Chucky Schumer and Arlen “all talk” Specter, plus Bush “Counselor,” Dan Bartlett.

Over at Fux News Sunday, Weaselface Wallace hosts Mitch “the prick” McConnell and Senator MBNA, Joe Biden. The topic? Will our brave president be allowed to give our soldiers what they need to fight his glorious war, or will the godless Democrats be allowed to starve them to death, by insisting on a non-binding timetable to pulling out of this mess?

On the Goebbels network, it’s more Dan Bartlett, this time on with Dick Durbin to talk some more Gonzo, and a little Iraq. Then, for reasons know only to Mickey and Goofy, its’ freakin’ Tommy Thompson, on to pretend he’s got something relevant to say, and to talk about his presidential aspirations (lotsa luck,Tommy; just what the Republicans need, another loser in the race). Then, at the Roundtable, it’s Fareed “token” Zakaria, graduate of the NPR school of hackery, Martha Raddatz, and George :jerk: Will. And then Cal Ripken apparently has a book to hawk, too. To quote Archie Bunker, “whoopdie-doo, whoopdie-doo, whoopdie-doo.”

Over at CNN, the only people that look interesting from Wolf Blitzer’s Late Emission are Mick Ware and Al Sharpton.

Later, on 60 Minutes, Steve Kroft reports on how the pharmaceutical industry lobby bought off Congress to foist the despicable Medicare prescription drug law on us (better late than never, eh, Steve?), Lesley Stahl does a story on whether, if crime scene DNA is matches a suspect so closely that the odds are the perpetrator is in the suspect’s family, the cops be allowed to investigate family members (would the answer be, “duh?”), and Scott Pelley breaks a big story: Global Warming is real! Who knew?

Now, get out there and fool at least some of the people some of the time today.