As I somehow pried myself out of bed this morning (a very painful process that made me want to cry), I began to wonder – what’s the world record for most time spent in bed by a non-comatose person, and would there be any money in breaking it? Sadly, it appears that Guinness doesn’t include this one in its record books, so I guess I have to keep getting up. Another alternative occurred to me, too. It’s a long shot, but I watched something on one of the science channels the other day (I’ve seen it before, actually), about what would happen when a killer comet hit the Earth. As you can probably guess from the “killer” moniker, the outlook wasn’t good (basically, get incinerated, get drowned in the tidal wave, die as the global temperatures reach 212° F, or freeze/starve to death as the ensuing dust cloud blocks out the sun – plus everything electronic gets fried by an EM pulse). But there was about a month or so when you knew it was coming and, presumably, you wouldn’t have to bother going to work anymore at that point. As long as the Internet kept working, that would be a pretty good month.

So, whattya think? Is Harry Reid a racist that ought to resign? In case you hadn’t heard, way back during the Presidential election campaign, Harry apparently said that, since Obama is light-skinned and doesn’t talk like “one of them” (unless he wanted to), being black wasn’t more of a help than a hindrance (he probably could have added that Obama is “clean,” too). So, either he’s an evil racist or he’s VP material. Now, using the word “Negro” is a little old school, I’ll admit (then again, Harry’s a bit old-school himself), but I’m not sure I’d disagree with the argument that, if Obama was black as coal and spoke like Jesse Jackson, he’d never have gotten nominated, let alone elected. In fact, didn’t somebody or other get caught “darkening” Obama’s picture to make him look more evil?

Republicans are, of course, all bent out of shape. I guess Reid just isn’t PC enough. Next thing you know, they’ll be jumping down his throat for not saying “Happy Holidays.”

Speaking of racism and political correctness, a small group of people (the perpetually offended) have their knickers in a knot over Avatar, claiming that it’s yet another example of the White Hero coming in to save the noble, um nine-foot tall blue people. OK. But he’s saving them from the White Devils, so that ought to count for something, no? Plus – and I really hate to point this out, but – it’s a freakin’ movie people. A movie about a planet full of big blue people living in a rain forest getting devastated by humans wanting to rape the planet for its natural resources. The problem isn’t that there’s a white messiah saving the natives on the fictional planet of Pandora – it’s that there aren’t any real messiahs (white or otherwise) out there capable of saving our own planet from the greedy corporations that are killing it.

Oh well, I guess I suppose I’d better get going to work. I just wish there was a way off this hamster wheel (short of global annihilation, that is).

First off, I think it bears mentioning that the NY Jets actually won a playoff game yesterday, for the first time since beating the Chargers in OT in 2005. While I’m at it, I feel compelled to mention that Buffalo hasn’t even seen the playoffs since 1999, when they lost to Miami (you have to go all the way back to 1995 to find a Bills playoff win). Anyhow, as for today’s boobleheads…

On Press the Meat today, it’s the battle of the Chairs, as DNC Chair Tim Kaine goes up against RNC Chair Bozo Steele. Plus, an eggskloosiff interview with Ahnuld Schwarzenegger. Then, can three people make a round table? We’ll find out as Andrea Mitchell and Chuck Todd join Gilligan Gregory.

At CBS, Diane the Dino Feinstein and Pete “Hokie” Hoekstra will try and Faze the Nation along with the NY Times’ Peter Baker, and Jan “don’t call me Joan” Crawford of CBS News.

On Fux News Sunday, Weaselface Wallace has Krazy Jon Kyl and Jack Reed, plus a reprise of the battle of the Chairs, with Tim Kaine and “I wanna be like Mike” Steele. And the Fuxheads, of course.

At the Goebbels network, George Snufalufagus asks White House Council of Economic Advisers Chair Christina Romer when working people will recover from the the economic “recovery,” plus there’s a “power” roundtable with George :jerk: Will, Liz “Leni Riefenstahl” Cheney, Bloomberg’s Al Hunt, Judy Woodruff and Robbie Reich.

At CNN, Fareed Zakaria has the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Admiral Michael Mullen plus a panel on the Christmas day attempted airline bombing.

Of course, the big news (other than the Jets) is the season premiere of “Big Love” on HBO tonight. It should take away some of the pain of tomorrow being Monday. At least until 5:30 tomorrow morning rolls around.

Looks like it’s really goddamn cold all over the country this morning – at least everywhere east of the Rockies. It’s 14 degrees in New Orleans right now. There’s snow, sleet, and freezing rain in Florida. The Midwest, well, it’s double digits below zero there (as usual). It’s 10° here right now, which wouldn’t be all that bad if it wasn’t so windy. At least it isn’t snowing (though we’re supposed to get 2-5 today). All in all, a good day to stay inside and watch football.

In a football game even I didn’t give a shit about, Alabama beat Texas to win the mythical National Championship last night. The game was a rematch of the 1965 “Cracker Bowl” (black folks need not apply) between two of the most famous bigots coaches in NCAA football history – the Crimson Tide’s “Bear” (one can only imagine where that nickname came from) Bryant, and Texas’ Darrell Royal. Texas didn’t allow colored folks on the team until 1969, while ‘bama held out ’til 1971. Which I guess gives me an opportunity to mention how #1 Syracuse with eventual Heisman Trophy winner Ernie Davis went to Dallas on New Year’s Day 1960 and kicked the crap out of #2 Texas (and refused to attend the dinner honoring Davis as MVP and SU as Cotton Bowl winners, because it was being held in a whites only club). Why the hell they have a National Championship game on a Thursday night is beyond me. I preferred it when all the bowl games were on New Year’s Day, and then it was over (though an actual playoff would be better than this BCS BS, but, whatever).

So, the big report on the Christmas Day underwear bomber came out yesterday, followed by a news conference from President Obama. I haven’t scoured the report or anything, but it appears to amount to “we f*cked up.” Well, duh. The question is, did they f*ck up on purpose to make Obama look bad? Or are things being run by the same incompetent bunch of Bush leftovers? Or maybe they’re looking for an excuse to increase their illegal wiretapping and PATRIOT Act type stuff. Who knows? As for me, I’ll just be staying close to home (not that I was planning on going anywhere anyway).

Speaking of terrorism and perpetual fear and whatnot, you probably heard about this guy who raised a ruckus on a flight from Oregon to Hawaii the other day. He also apparently refused to stow his carry-on luggage. He was enough of a pain in the ass that they turned the flight around, and it was escorted by fighter jets back to Oregon. Now, how stupid do you have to be in this day and age to pull shit on an airplane? I mean, seriously. We all know what the deal is, and we know everybody’s a little touchy these days. And, assuming they ever let this bozo on a plane again, you think he’s not getting a full cavity search every time he walks into an airport from now on?

Of course, all travelers will be getting a virtual strip search before too long. Assuming the government can afford to buy them while still cutting taxes for rich people (pay for it by making your employer’s contribution to your health insurance plan taxable income, maybe). The images are a little creepy, but I suppose I don’t really care if they take a look at my virtual junk box (in my case, it’s actually the screeners I feel sorry for). Of course, before too long, you’re bound to start seeing celebrity screening photos on the Internet (in fact, I project a brand new fetish industry).

Elvis would have turned 75 today. Hard to believe he’s been dead for over 30 years. Darn shame he had to go nuts.

Another day, another knife in the back from the President. The House version of health care reform wants to pay for the bill, in part, by taxing individuals who make more than $500,000 and couples who make more than a million. This would raise an estimated $450 billion over ten years. Pardon me, but I have no problem with that. The Senate takes a different approach. They want to tax insurance companies on plans valued at over $8,500 for individuals and $23,000 for couples, which would raise about a third of the revenue the House bill would (and of course would be passed on as premium increases to “We the People”). I’m not exactly sure how they “value” insurance plans (the cheapest “family” plan where I work costs about $24,000 a year between employer and employee contributions, if that’s how they’ll do it), but it certainly sounds as if the Senate version would screw working people who have decent insurance plans, which is why organized labor opposes it.

Yesterday, President Obama met with House Democrats to tell them he supports the Senate version. So, just to review, you’ll be forced to get insurance (or get fined), that insurance will not be allowed to include certain medical procedures for women, you won’t have the option of buying in to a public plan or Medicare, and if the insurance you’ve been forced to buy happens to be pretty good (probably because you’re represented by one of those godless unions, or you work for a company that’s big enough to negotiate a good deal), you’ll get punished for it. All so that rich people don’t have to pay back a buck or two of the tax breaks that Bush gave them over the past 8 years. Nice, eh?

As if things weren’t tough enough for Democrats (and it’s all their own damn fault), it looks like both Byron Dorgan and Chris Dodd are retiring. This means Democrats will likely lose Dorgan’s North Dakota Senate seat, and have a good chance at losing Dodd’s Connecticut seat as well (after all, CT gave us the gift that keeps on giving – Joe Lieberman). You know, I got a “survey” (aka, a request for donations) yesterday from the Obama camp, asking what I’d be willing to do to further Obama’s commitment to “change,” and work to get “his kind” of candidates elected. Choices were things like host “house parties,” call people on the phone, work to register voters, and “other,” which allowed for free text entries. So I went for those.

Not that I expect anybody to look at what I wrote, but I basically told them that I’d be willing to work for true progressive candidates, have no intention of devoting any of my time or money to mainstream Democrats, thought that Obama and the Democrats’ abandonment of progressives issues was a bad mistake that would lead to Republican takeover of the Senate in 2012 and losses in the House, and that I was disappointed and disillusioned by both Obama and my own Congressional representative for what I consider to be major a failure in health care reform, failure to enact meaningful regulation of the financial industry, and the escalation of the US presence in Afghanistan (among other things).

Progressive issues are populist issues, and Obama and the Democrats were destined to fail as soon as they abandoned them. We’re the mainstream, not Rahm Emmanuel or Max Baucus or Joe Lieberman. Too bad those are the people that get to call the shots, because they’re sticking us with Republican control of everything, and as bad as Democrats are, Republicans are even worse, and (unlike Democrats) have no problem ramming through their agendas without 60 votes. Oh well, at least we have the end of the world in 2011 to look forward to.

So, I’ve been spending a lot of time trying to remove myself from all the various e-mail lists I’m on. I’d like to get down to under a hundred e-mails a day (not counting spam). I’m getting especially tired of Democrats coming at me with one hand out looking for contributions, while getting ready to stick a knife in my back with the other. And once you get on their “sucker” list, you start getting mail from all of them. Well, screw ’em. When I get these self-aggrandizing e-mails boasting of their “historic” legislative feats (and, oh by the way, can you send us a few bucks?), I just want to puke.

Speaking of puke, time to get ready for work. Bleh. Traffic is heavy today, so I guess I better hurry. I hear the snowmobile trails are at a standstill.

Back to work today, and, as Chester A. Riley used to say, “aint that a revoltin’ development?” I wish I could count on the world ending in 2011 (or even 2012). I could quit working and live off savings and credit cards for a year or two. But when the Apocalypse didn’t come, I’d be screwed. I’m just really not in the mood to go to work this morning. At least it’s supposed to be warm today – up to 20° or so – and only another three inches of snow (give or take). From Friday through yesterday, we got about two feet, putting us a few inches above normal for the first time this season (and back in our rightful place at #1 in the Golden Snowball contest).

Before you do anything else today, be sure to go over to the Huff Post and rate Michelle Obama’s Hawaiian vacation outfits. I really don’t get it.

Some Democrats want to create a Consumer Financial Protection Agency to at least put some regulation on banks and other financial institutions. This, of course, is strongly opposed by Republicans. Since Democrats need 60 votes to do anything, and since there are plenty of Democrats that can be bought off by lobbyists (and that’s not even counting Joe Lieberman), my prediction is that either nothing will happen, or the Democrats will compromise this into some toothless joke of an agency that Republicans will point to as evidence of just how shitty Democrats are. Just like health care.

Speaking of the GOP, is it too early to start wondering which Republican will wind up being President in 2013? That’s assuming Obama keeps sticking it to the progressive-minded people out there who donated so much time and money to his first run, while failing to woo the wingnuts and bigots on the right, of course. At this point, he looks like one-and-done to me, but things can change awfully fast, so who knows?

Oh well, I guess I better get my shit together, get out the door, and be a good little citizen taxpayer.

Looks like the snow has tapered off, here (still coming down some, though). We’re still a little bit below average for the season, but with the 14+ inches we got yesterday (not much compared to “up north” where they got 42), and what we got on Saturday, we’re catching up. It was kind of nice to get the shovel working again. I’d rather shovel snow all day long than go to an airport, that’s for sure. This guy at Newark certainly caused quite a commotion, didn’t he? You’d think they’d have somebody keeping a closer eye on the exits, wouldn’t you?

Why dogs are better than cats, Reason #4237: Cougar Attacks. Yep, it you’re out getting firewood and a cougar (which is just a big damn cat) attacks, you stand a much better chance of surviving if you have a dog. It’s very rare that you see “cat saves boy from wild animal attack” headlines. If you’re stupid enough to mess with a bull, though, you’re on your own.

Brit Hume says Tiger Woods needs to become a Christian if he wants to get through all this sex scandal stuff. That’s because when it comes to deceit and betrayal, nobody does it as well as Christians do. It’s pretty much what it’s founded on. Well, that and torture. Judas betrays Jesus, Peter betrays Jesus by denying to be one of his followers (he got his later, though, when the Romans crucified him upside-down), and of course even Jesus’ “father” betrayed him on the cross.

The other thing is that Christians have an external locus of control. They may blather on about how God gave us free will, but when push comes to shove, just say you accept Jesus Christ as your savior, the devil made you do it, and you’re really, really sorry. That’s only if you get caught, though. Otherwise, you can do whatever the hell you want.

Just make sure you’ve repented by May, 2011. That’s when the end of the world is coming, according to “bible scholar” Harold Camping. He’s got a mathematical “system” worked out to interpret biblical prophecies, and he’s crunched the numbers. It’s all over on May 21, 2011. Of course, he also said Armageddon was coming on Sep 6, 1994 (whoopsies), but he’s refined his system, and this time he’s definitely got it.

It’s, like, really scientific, too. You see, the number 5 equals “atonement.” Never mind “why,” it just does. Ten is “completeness.” Seventeen = “heaven.” Furthermore, Christ hung on the cross April 1, 33 A.D. (must be the origin of “April Fool’s Day.” So, if you go to April 1 of 2011 A.D., that’s 1,978 years. Why go to 1/1/11? Beats me. But if you multiply 1,978 by 365.2422 days in a year and then add 51 (which is the number of days between April 1 and May 21 (OK, not really sure where May 21 comes from, but anyways) it equals 722,500. Well, clearly, (5 x 10 x 17) x (5 x 10 x 17) = 722,500. Or (Atonement x Completeness x Heaven), squared.

No way you can argue with that – it’s math.

But I still better get out there and shovel the driveway.

It’s the first batch-o-boobleheads of 2010, and today looks like it’ll be terror day. First up, on Press the Meat there’s Deputy National Security Adviser John Brennan. Then, to tell us how we’re all gonna die because Obama let all the terrorists loose, it’s Michael “Skeletor” Chertoff and ex-CIA chief Michael “the Fudd” Hayden. Plus a woundtable with Tom Bwokaw, David “Our Miss” Brooks, EJ Grey Poupon Dionne, and Presidential Historian Doris Kearns Goodwin.

On Faze the Nation, CBS News reporters Nancy Cordes, Jan Crawford, David Martin, Bob Orr and Chip Reid talk about the Christmas Terror Plot, Health Care, the War in Afghanistan and Jobs.

John Brennan trots on over to Fux News Sunday to chat with Weaselface Wallace. Also on, Missouri cracker Kit Bond, and the usual fuxheads.

I guess it’s John Brennan day, as Brennan heads on over to the Goebbels network to join George Snufalufagus on This Weak. Also up, a collection of Republicans, DINOs, and just plain assholes with Pete “Hokie” Hoekstra, Susan Collins, Joey Lieberman and Jane Harman, and, at the roundtable, George :jerk: Will, Cynthia Tucker, Ron Brownstein and David Sanger.

Over at CNN, Fareed Zakaria looks back at Obama’s first year in office, plus Tom Ricks on the Battle of Wanat and what it means for the troops heading to Afghanistan, and Asia expert Kishore Mahbubahni on whether China’s economic and political strength will continue to grow and what that means for the rest of the world.

And then hopefully the Eagles will beat Dallas.

We went up to visit my sister yesterday and, lo and behold, she somehow managed to talk her husband into getting another puppy – and what a little cutie he is. He’s one of a pair of what they’re guessing is a purebred German Shepherd, snatched from death row in Ohio just a day before they were scheduled to be put down. Ohio is apparently one of the worst places in the country in terms of perfectly beautiful dogs being put down. Worse, even, than the Southern states. So, it seems pretty clear that we need a new puppy (though I’m not sure I can keep an eye on three dogs at the park; it gets to be a but of sensory overload, and my brain is beginning to atrophy. I see dementia and Alzheimer’s in my not so distant future).

Otherwise, I guess all this holiday hoo-ha is finally over. I’m taking Monday off, and then it’s a long slog through ’til the next holiday (which would by MLK day on the 18th). That’s two long weeks.

Did you know that one of the benefits of hydrofracking is that you can ignite your tap water? Pretty cool, eh? Seems like it would save you quite a bit of money, since you wouldn’t need a hot water heater. Just run the water, light it, and you’re good to go (as long as your house doesn’t blow up). I’m sure it’s safe to drink, too.