So, in a not exactly rare occurrence, one of the women where I work is gonna have a baby. Well whoopdie-frickin’ doo. Now, I certainly respect motherhood, don’t get me wrong. Mostly, I respect the part where I’m not the one who gets pregnant and/or has to give birth (this, by the way, is the most concrete evidence I can image that, if there actually is a God, He’s gotta be a dude). So I naturally think it’s just freakin’ wonderful when women where I work get knocked up, and I also think it’s just fine and dandy when the other women at work want to make a big goddamn deal over it, and throw them a baby shower. But fer chrissakes, don’t invite me to the damn thing, and don’t bother telling me where she’s registered for gifts. Being a guy, I should be exempt from all non-hygiene related shower activity, including wedding showers, baby showers, shower invitations, shower planning, shower gift giving, and, most definitely, shower attending. You wanna go out for a beer, fine, I’m in. Sitting around, oohing and aahing over some unrelenting parade of stupid, cutesy baby gifts that won’t fit two weeks after birth, however, is not my idea of a good time. I don’t give a shit about booties, blankies, doilies, onesies (whatever the hell they are), or nappies. Wrap the little bastids up in the Sunday Times ’til they stop spitting up and crapping themselves for all I care. When they’re old enough to cut the grass and shovel the driveway, give me a call. You wanna capture my interest? Get a puppy.

And, hey, sorry, but you know what? Don’t expect me to chip in for some damn group gift, either. I don’t have kids and am past my chiild-bearing years, so just leave me out of it, OK? It’s bad enough I have to pay to educate your dirty little germ-spreading spawn (very few of whom seem worth paying for, past about sixth grade or so), don’t hit me up for a donation just ‘cuz you took it upon yourself to breed. You know damn well you’ll be hittin’ me up in a couple years to buy some overpriced candy bars or crappy Girl Scout cookies (4 bucks for like six Thin Mints; GMAFB. I don’t even like Thin Mints), so how’s about you at least give me a break ’til the damn thing’s done gestating?

Not that I’m a miserable old man or anything, but, jeezus, I work in a pretty large organization, and it seems like every day, somebody I barely know (or have never even heard of) is either getting married, having babies, selling raffle tickets, or dropping dead. There seems to be a constant collection going on, and, being already married, w/o kids, and not quite dead yet, I feel like I’m getting the short end of the stick.

And I can’t say no ‘cuz, lucky me, the one goddamn thing about being Catholic that took with me was the whole perpetual guilt thing (though I guess I should consider myself lucky I wasn’t in it long enough to have to blow a priest or anything).

Oh well, there’s a swarm of old broads preparing to infest the house for some kind of meeting this morning, so I’ve gotta finish reinforcing my basement bunker. That’s where the dogs and I will be hiding ’til the coast is clear.

Summer’s over, and we’re back to spring, here. That’s OK by me, ‘cuz I really don’t like the hot weather anyway. We may even get some flurries tonight. Otherwise, there’s really not much going on. I’m just glad it’s finally Friday.

So, I was filling out this survey yesterday, as I often do. I think I’ve mentioned before that these surveys typically consist of fairly stupid marketing-type questions that I only fill out in order to accumulate points for “gifts” that have gotten increasingly crappy over time. Right now I’m on the verge of 10,000 points, and I think I may quit doing these things once I hit it (I can get a $55 Amazon gift card for 8,500 points – roughly 154.5 points/$, but I can get two $35 ones for 5,000 points each – about 142 points/$). Usually I try and fill these things out honestly and to the best of my ability for about two or three questions, and then I get really bored and just kind of click things randomly (just kidding, of course, lest I be in violation of some sort of terms that might cause me to forfeit my points; I actually fill out every question with due diligence). Anyhow, yesterday’s survey was a little bit different.

Yesterday’s questions were kind of interesting (relatively speaking), and I actually gave some thought to the answers. I thought I’d share them here, and see what you think (‘cuz that’s one less day where I have to try and think of something to say that doesn’t relate to the weather or Syracuse or something – though I promise to somehow tie Syracuse in at least once, so as not to disappoint).

Anyhow, on with the questions. They all included answers like “none” or “other” or “I don’t know,” but that would be cheating, so I’ll leave those out and assume I have to pick from their list.

Which of the following people, if any, would you say is America’s greatest “Founding Father?”

Benjamin Franklin
John Hancock
Thomas Jefferson
George Washington
John Adams

Hmm. Well, John Adams, for all his good qualities, was kind of a dick. And I have a tough time getting past the whole Alien and Sedition Acts thing. Especially the The Sedition Act, which provided for fines or imprisonment for individuals who criticized the government, Congress, or president in speech or print. I would so be in prison if that was still on the books.

John Hancock? I don’t really know much about him, except he had a funny name and a really big, um, signature. He was Governor of Massachusetts and President of the Continental Congress for a while. He was also accused of smuggling by the British, and he told them to piss off when they tried to search his ship, insofar as they lacked the equivalent of a search warrant, in what may have been the first act of physical resistance against the British.

George Washington got picked to be General mostly because he was taller than everybody else. He was kind of a crummy commander, and (contrary to his legend) he lied to the Continental Congress about the severity of the conditions at Valley Forge, in order to get more money out of them. Washington ordered the scorched earth campaign led by John Sullivan and James Clinton that destroyed more than forty Haudenosaunee (aka, Iroquois) villages, so I’m really not a big fan.

For me, I guess it comes down to Thomas Jefferson (horticulturist, politician, writer, architect, archaeologist, paleontologist, inventor, slave banger, founder of the University of Virginia, and, nearly 200 years after his death, still a threat to the Texas Bored of Education) and Ben Franklin (inventor, diplomat, author, humorist, ladies man, and beer lover).

That’s a tough call, but I guess I’ll have to go with Ben. Hell you can even go to Philly and see his privy pit, right around the corner from the Franklin Institute. Plus, they used to make the Franklin Automobile right here in Syracuse (and my grandfather did the leather upholstery on them).

See, I told ya I’d tie this to Syracuse somehow.

Which of the following, if any, would you say is/are America’s greatest explorer(s)?

Lewis and Clark
Davy Crockett
Daniel Boone
Kit Carson
Buzz Aldrin
Jebediah Smith

If the last choice had been Jedediah Springfield, I’d have probably gone with him. But when moon landing denier and all-around asshole Bart Sibrel got all up in Aldin’s face and wouldn’t quit yelling that he was a liar, the (then) 72-yr old Buzz socked him one, I became a big fan of the Buzz. Besides, how can you not go with a guy named Buzz?

Which of the following, if any, would you say is America’s greatest engineering accomplishment?

The Hoover Dam
The Empire State Building
The Transcontinental Railroad
The Erie Canal

The railroad was a pretty big deal, but, seeing as I live right next to it and look at it every morning from my bathroom and kitchen windows, I’m gonna be a homer and go with the Erie Canal. It just goes to show that with enough Irishmen and enough shovels, you can do pretty much anything.

Which of the following innovations, if any, do you feel has contributed the most to America’s success?

The steam engine
The electric light
The cotton gin
The assembly line
Gas-powered automobiles
Modern aviation

This is one where if I was allowed a write-in vote, I’d vote for labor. You know, the people that actually made all the other choices? But if I can’t go with that, I dunno. I guess you’d need to define “success.” I mean, are we talking military success? Economic? Can you have one without the other? I guess for military success, you can’t beat modern aviation, which gave us the ability to rain down an unprecedented amount of destruction on our hapless enemies. But then you wouldn’t have gotten very far in aviation without the gasoline engine (and gas-powered cars and modern aviation would have been impossible without the assembly line credited to everybody’s favorite Nazi sympathizer, Henry Ford). And the assembly line would be nothing without a labor force to work on it (oh, forgot; that’s not a choice). So I’ll go with the electric light, without which, it would have been hard to work inside those dark factories.

Oh, and the steam engine? American? Puh-leeze. You have to credit the British for that; hell, the first one was patented by the English military engineer and inventor Thomas Savery in 1698 – almost 80 years before the declaration of independence – and refined by James Watt (who had a unit of power named after him that you may have heard of: the Watt). If you ever want to see a great collection of steam engines and boilers (and a whole lot more, including everything from dinosaurs to rockets), you need to go to the Science Museum in London, which, among other things, has James Watt’s lab (all its contents were packed up and recreated precisely in the museum).

OK, sorry to digress, but I used to be a bit of a steam head in one of my past lives.

Which of the following, if any, would you say has had the greatest influence on modern American popular culture?

Smartphones (e.g., PDAs such as the iPhone or Blackberry)
Video game systems
Digital video recorders (e.g., TiVo, DVR)
iPod/MP3 player
Personal computer
Internet

Internet, hands down.

Which of the following, if any, would you say is the most important amendment to the U.S. Constitution?

Freedom of speech, religion, press, assembly and petition (1st Amendment)
Protection against search or seizure without a warrant (4th Amendment)
Allowing women the right to vote (19th Amendment)
Direct election of Senators by citizens (17th Amendment)
Allowing those over 18 the right to vote (26th Amendment)
Right to keep and bear arms (2nd Amendment)
Abolition of slavery (13th Amendment

They’re all pretty important (though the 4th and 1st have been rather trampled on), but abolishing slavery has to be the most important, no? I mean, people are not the property of other people. It’s a disgrace that we were founded on that principle, and travesty that it required an amendment to the Constitution (and some 700,000 deaths) to abolish it. Even more disgusting, it wasn’t until 1995 (that’s NINETEEN) that Mississippi ratified it.

Which of the following, if any, would you say is/are America’s biggest “villain(s)”?

Bernie Madoff
Lee Harvey Oswald
Benedict Arnold
Timothy McVeigh
Al Capone
The Rosenbergs
John Wilkes Booth

The Rosenbergs? Oy. Hard not to go with Tim McVeigh, but he’d probably enjoy the title, so fuck him. I think I’d add Rumsfeld, Cheney, and Bush to the list if it were up to me. Booth and Oswald are certainly up there, but I’ll have to go with Madoff for screwing over so many people who thought they’d be able to retire and now will have to work until they die.

Which of the following, if any, do you believe is America’s biggest modern political scandal?

The impeachment of President Nixon
The impeachment of President Clinton
President Reagan and the Iran Contra scandal
President George W. Bush and the lack of Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq

Iraq WMDs (or lack thereof). Iran Contra is close, though.

Which of the following, if any, would you say has been America’s greatest mistake?

Vietnam War
2000 Presidential election
Bay of Pigs invasion
2009 financial bailout
Slavery
Japanese internment camps during World War II
Government response to Hurricane Katrina
Takedown of Saddam Hussein
2010 health care reform
McCarthyism/The Red Scare
Atomic bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki
War on Terror
Salem witch trials
Prohibition

This one’s a toughie. I’m inclined to pick the 2000 election, but, as bad as that (and what it led to) was, it’s hard not to go with Vietnam, or the Atomic Bombs, or the whole War on Terror bullshit, or the Japanese internment camps…. But I have to go with slavery.

Which of the following, if any, would you say has been America’s greatest achievement?

Government system of checks & balances (3 branches)
Winning independence from Britain
Constitutional right to freedom of speech
National highway system
Electing a mixed race President
Constitution stating that all men are created equal
Space program
The New Deal
Giving women the right to vote
Modern aviation
Putting a man on the moon
Abolition of slavery

Well, let’s see…. If the Constitutional stuff hadn’t been so corrupted over the years, I might go with one of them. I can’t go with abolishing slavery, because I just can’t consider doing what’s right to be a great achievement. We should have done the right thing from the beginning. Same with giving women the right to vote. I’m a big fan of the space program, but I guess, to me, the greatest achievement was the New Deal. It really was what made this country great (when it was still great), and created a class of people somewhere in between the privileged and the destitute. Not that it solved all problems, of course, but (for a while, anyway), it really made this country something special. And that it was all brought about by a member of the privileged class makes it all the more remarkable.

Which of the following, if any, would you say is/are America’s most iconic symbol(s)?

Grand Canyon
Bald eagle
Hot dogs
Mount Rushmore
The White House
Statue of Liberty
Washington Monument
American flag
Baseball
Apple pie
The colors red, white & blue
Cowboys
Uncle Sam
Twin Towers
The Capitol Building

The Twin Towers? Christ, I hope not. I hope we’re not symbolized by death and destruction. I think I’ll go with the Statue of Liberty. A symbol of what we used to stand for (in theory, anyway), imported from a foreign country. Yep, that says America to me.

To the best of your knowledge, during which of the following decades did slavery in the United States officially end?

In the…

1800’s
1840’s
1860’s
1880’s
1900’s
1920’s

Is this a trick question? I mean, unless you’re from Mississippi.

To the best of your knowledge, during which of the following decades were women given the right to vote in the United States?

In the…

1860’s
1880’s
1900’s
1910’s
1920’s

Again, a trick question? As I recall, the 19th Amendment was ratified in 1920, wasn’t it? Doesn’t everybody know that? Or do I just know it because I was born and raised in the cradle of the Women’s Suffrage movement?

To the best of your knowledge, which of the following conflicts resulted in the greatest number of American casualties?

Civil War
World War I
World War II
Korean War
Vietnam War
Iraq/Afghanistan Wars

Um, duh? What with everybody being an American in the Civil War, that seems like a pretty obvious one.

OK, so that’s what I think. What would your answers be?

So, just in case you didn’t catch it yesterday, the US Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia ruled that the FCC has no jurisdiction to require broadband providers to treat all traffic on their networks equally. So, Comcast can block Bitorrent (or Hulu, or Skype, or all those fancy Iphone and Ipad apps), Verizon can relegate Time Warner VoIP phone traffic to the slow lane (and vice versa), Wal-Mart can pay for preferential treatment while Amazon stays on the equivalent of dial-up, and Rupert Murdoch can cut deals with Internet backbone providers (or even buy them up), to keep Fox-approved sites running fast, and anti-American sites (like Crooks and Liars, Media Matters, and, dare I suggest it, Morning Seditionists) all but unreachable.

Just to recap, corporations can buy up all the media outlets (newspapers, TV, and radio) in a market, they can directly fund political campaigns with no limits, and they can buy and control the Internet.

Even scarier, the Court declared that, if there’s gonna be Net Neutrality, Congress will have to legislate it. Let me just repeat that: we have to rely on Congress to not only understand the issue, but do the right thing. Lotsa luck.

Not counting last week’s massive storms and flooding, a new study shows that “extreme precipitation events” are becoming more prevalent – in line with Climate Change predictions.

The study…examined 60 years’ worth of National Weather Service rainfall records in nine Northeastern states and found that storms that produce an inch or more of rain in a day — a threshold the recent storm far surpassed — are coming more frequently.

“It’s almost like 1 inch of rainfall has become pretty common these days,” said Bill Burtis, spokesman for Clean Air-Cool Planet, a global warming education group that released the study Monday along with the University of New Hampshire’s Carbon Solutions New England group.

The study’s results are consistent with what could be expected in a world warmed by greenhouse gases, said UNH associate professor Cameron Wake.
[…]
What is more certain, researchers said, is the potential economic impact should the 60-year trend continue and require billions of dollars in infrastructure improvements to things in the region including roads, bridges, sewers and culverts.

On the bright side, once corporate control over the news and Internet has been fully asserted, we won’t have to hear all this bad, un-American news. So just sit back and watch the televised karaoke, and let Glenn Beck explain it all.

I guess if I knew it was so much fun to be a Republican, I might have become one a long time ago. I never realized they had more going on than propositioning guys in mens rooms. Go figure. In other surprising news, as Sue posted yesterday, the Florida dick doc who hates Obama and health care reform really has no idea what’s in the health care reform bill. He doesn’t exactly strike me as being the sharpest tool in the shed, so I hope he’s got a got a map of where to stick his finger when he does prostate exams (I wouldn’t be surprised to find out he spends a lot of time with his finger up his own ass). If you’re one of his patients, you might wanna grab a Sharpie and have your significant other mark the spot with a big ‘X’ or something.

In other surprising news, Jesse James checked out of sex rehab. Never fear, though, he checked back a few days later. I’m sure he just wanted to go to church for Easter, and maybe hook up with a couple of Easter bunnies. Speaking of guys I feel really, really sorry for because they got caught being philandering jerks, Tiger Woods faced his fans and the press yesterday, and is reportedly seeking to renew his wedding vows. This time around, I think they’ll include footnotes and asterisks.

Tiger might want to saty away from Heidi Montag, though. I have no idea who she is, but, at 23, she has apparently had so much plastic surgery done, she can no longer jog (her implants are too big) or hug people (her body is too fragile from double-digit procedures, including a “back scoop,” which sounds pretty creepy). What’s a back scoop?

“I actually didn’t know,” she said. “I might be the first one to try it. It carves out your back a little bit.”

Oh.

Well, as long as she’s happy.

From what I understand, today is a State Holiday in Germany. Maybe this whole separation of Church and State thing isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. You’d think if a schmuck like Columbus gets a holiday, they could come up with a little something for a combined Easter/Passover day off. One of the planks of my platform when I run for office will be finding at least one holiday (and by holiday, I mean paid day off) every month. President’s Day to Memorial Day is an ungodly stretch of no days off, and it’s time for this national shame to end. Of course, I’ll also be pushing for a three-day work week (though I might be willing to compromise on four), and then there’s my flexible daylight saving time plan, where we fall back every morning and then spring ahead every afternoon.

A 7.2 magnitude earthquake in Mexico yesterday could be felt in Arizona and California. Great, now we’re even outsourcing our earthquakes to Mexico.

I managed to make it through the weekend without buying or ordering an iPad. Sure, I feel like an underprivileged, third-world person, but it’s the first 48 hours that are the most difficult. It gets easier from here on out. It’s just fortunate that I have no desire to pay $4 for a cup of shitty coffee, ‘cuz I’m sure all the cool kids at Starbucks will be flashing their pads today.

Damn, where has the morning gone? Time to make the donuts.

OK, gotta make this quick before I head out to church and whatnot.

Press the Meat has White House Council of Economic Advisers Chairwoman Christina Romer (who looks kinda like Chaz Bono, no?), and those two stalwart champions of the people, Jane Harman and Joey Lieberman, plus Mike “Skeletor” Chertoff.

Faze the Nation has a bunch of CBS talking heads, all talking.

At Fux News, Weaselface Wallace has Arizona asshole (I hope that’s not being redundant – no offense, KP), Jon Kyl, plus and Arlen Specter and congresscritter Kevin McCarthy (who has a fine Irish name, but is a Republican, so odds are he’s a douchebag).

The Goebbels Network’s ‘This Weak’ will be hosted by Jake “the mens room” Tapper today. The Tapmeister has Larry Summers, Director of the National Economic Council and Alan Greenspan, plus George :jerk: Will, Matty Dowd, Democratic Strategist Karen Finney and former Labor Secretary Robert Reich

At CNN, Fareed Zakaria lowers his standards by having Thomas Friedman, plus prissy little Republican “blogger” Andrew Sullivan, and India’s mega movie star, Shah Rukh Khan.

Khan!

OK, it’s Jesus time.

Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god! It’s iPad day! The iPad is a magical and revolutionary product at an unbelievable price! I know, ‘cuz Apple told me so. They told me, ‘cuz I asked them to notify me when the iPad was available (because otherwise, I might not have heard about it). And now it’s here, and I have an (almost) overwhelming compulsion to get one, even though it’s rather lacking in a lot of ways. I mean, first off, the price is only “unbelievable” because Apple had everybody thinking it would be about a thousand bucks, and then came out and said it was “only” gonna be half that. Pretty good, eh?

Of course, that’s for the 16-gig one. 16 gigs seems pretty lame to me, but I guess you can always plug in a USB drive or a memory card.

No? No. Apple says no. No external storage for you.

I have an alarm clock with a USB port and a cell phone with a micro SD card slot, but not on the Apple iPad. Sorry. Guess I’ll just have to upgrade to a model with a little more storage. So I guess I’d go with the 64-gig model, which pops the price up to $700. Unless I want the one with 3G, in which case it’ll be $829, but at least I can buy any data plan from any provider I want. As long as I want either the 250 meg/month ($15 a month) or “unlimited” plan ($30 a month), and as long as I only want it from ATT. But at least if I already have an iPhone with a data plan, I can just swap the SIM card, right?

No? No. Apple says no. No SIM card swapping for you.

Oh well, I don’t have an iPhone anyway, so I’ll just use my Verizon cell phone and USB cable as a modem if I’m out of WiFi range. Oh, wait, no USB. I forgot.

So, anyway, along with my $829, 64-gig iPad, I think I’ll want the iPad case ($29), the keyboard dock ($69), oh, and I better get Apple Care for $99, ‘cuz I kinda don’t trust their hardware not to break. So that gets me up to $1,036 – more like $1,121 with tax – plus $30 a month, ‘cuz, let’s face it, I need unlimited data; too bad it has to be ATT, though, which kinda sucks.

But for that, I get something that will run any software I want (as long as I only want software approved by Apple and available at the App Store). That means no Flash, of course, and no Flash video. Oh, and I’m required to use iTunes, which, frankly, I can’t stand. And I can’t have more than one thing running at a time, so I have to switch between apps, but I’m mostly gonna just be using Firefox anyway, right?

No? No. Apple says no. No Firefox for you.

I read one of many glowing iPad reviews that kind of sums things up. The iPad, this guy wrote, isn’t much good at creating stuff, but it’s really good a consuming stuff. And isn’t that what it’s really all about?

Just do what Apple says to do, and use what Apple tells you to use, and nobody gets hurt.

As for me, much as I want to be one of the trendy boys, I think I’ll just have to pass (though I’ve been trying to convince my boss that I need one for development purposes). While it looks like a nice toy, I’m afraid it just doesn’t do a thousand dollars worth of stuff. Maybe when somebody comes out with an open source version that isn’t crippled, I’ll go for it. Until then, I won’t be one of the cool kids, I guess. But that’s OK.

iPad or not, It’s tough to look cool when you walk with a limp.

The decision to open up large areas of the nation’s coasts to oil exploration and drilling got the big headlines, but that’s not all the Obama Administration was up to. A Bush-era policy known as the “millsite” provision allows the hardrock mining industry to use unlimited amounts of public land to dump toxic mine waste and tailings from large-scale industrial mining operations. A group of tree-hugging liberal commie socialists filed a lawsuit to stop the practice, hoping that the Obama Administration would support their efforts. Alas, the administration has decided to support the mining industry instead. Suck on those rocks, liberals!

There is some good environmental news this morning, as the lo-cal news twit just informed me that Sun Chips now come in a fully “composable” bag. I’m not sure if that means the bags are fully composed, or can be fully posed. Or it may mean that the news chick’s brain is pretty well composted. Wouldn’t surprise me, as she’s kind of a skinny blond who’s always complaining about the cold, and I’ve long been convinced that the first place people lose weight is their brain.

As our NY State legislature heads into its well-earned 10-day Easter holiday without doing perhaps the only thing their jobs actually require of them (passing a budget), our Governor has fallen back on the tried and true refrain of bashing State workers, calling for them to forgo the pay raises which took effect yesterday. I don’t recall the State ever proposing to increase raises when times were good and all that Wall Street money was rolling in, but it’s always good PR to bash public employees. The State’s unions responded to the Governor with a hearty “fuck you.” On the bright side, the State’s non-union, “Management Confidential” employees won’t be getting a raise this year (the second year in a row), demonstrating the consequences of being rat bastards.

I’m not sure who named today “Good Friday,” but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t Jesus. I don’t see a whole lot of “good” in being beaten, tortured, and hung on a cross. On the bright side, I’m sure the Romans got a lot of actionable intelligence out of it. From what I’ve read, before it was over, Jesus confessed to killing Jimmy Hoffa and plotting the 9/11 attacks.

Oh well, it’s getting late, and I want get in some self-flagellation time before work.

It’s April 1st, which means I have about two weeks to find all my tax return stuff. Additionally, it means that the NYS budget is officially late once again. It also apparently means we’re getting a preview of summer, as it’s supposed to be about 30 degrees warmer by this afternoon than it is now, and into the 80’s tomorrow. In other words, it’s gonna be too damn hot. I guess I’d be happy to see the warm weather come if I could actually walk, but seeing as things seem to be getting worse rather than better in the whole foot department, so I really don’t care.

Normally, I’d be looking forward to the weekend (such as it is), but this is the worst kind of holiday weekend – where you don’t get an extra day off, but are stuck doing “family” related things that screw up your Sunday. In this case, it means sitting around watching my wife get irritated by her parents while my mother-in-law insists I that I eat more (and anything I eat while she’s futzing around in the kitchen – which is pretty much the whole time that we’re eating – doesn’t count), and my father-in-law asks me questions about politics and gets pissed when I don’t agree with him.

Here’s an interesting statistic: by apparently standing for more or less nothing, Barack Obama has managed to have his approval ratings drop more or less equally amongst Liberals, Moderates, and Conservatives. Nice job.

Like Tiger Woods, David Duchovny, and Jesse James, I’m thinking I ought to check myself in to sex rehab. My only question is, can you consider yourself a sex addict if there aren’t really any women willing to have sex with you? And, if you happen to be a rich, famous, good-looking guy that has sex with lots of women, does that make you a sex addict, or just, like, a guy with options?

Oh well, it’s about that time, I guess.

When you get home tonight, eat your supper like it’s your last.