Been laying low the last couple of days, but since shotgun season ended at dusk last night, I guess it’s safe to stick my head up (unfortunately, I saw my shadow, which means six more months of winter). Not everybody emerged from the woods unscathed, though{{1}}[[1]]I hope I don’t sound callous in saying I feel bad for the deer – not so much for the hunter (after all, he’s still alive).[[1]].

In college basketball, both the #1 and #2 teams lost yesterday. So, whoever it is that’s #3 right now just might be #1 come Monday. If past history is any indication, that probably won’t last long, though.

While I’m talking about sports, I might as well mention that, in honor of Ernie Davis{{2}}[[2]]Ernie won the Heisman 50 years ago this year, which I know I’ve already mentioned, but, hey.[[2]], Heisman voters presented this year’s award to a black guy.

Remember Rick Perry? He used to be running for Confederate Republican Preznident, and I think he may still even be the Governor of Texas{{3}}[[3]]I believe that’s an honorary title.[[3]] Well, apparently he’s got a YouTube video out there where he’s wearing a “Brokeback Mountain” jacket, while lamenting the fact that gay people can serve openly in the military now (when they’re not getting shot at or blown up, at which point they’re presumably too busy to flaunt their lifestyles and gay agendas – gay people, always with the flaunting), while “our kids” can’t openly celebrate Christmas or pray in school{{4}}[[4]]I wish you goddamn Liberals would stop with the trying to re-kill Jesus and the banning of Christmas and whatnot.[[4]].

If serving in the military is such a big fucking prize where we can turn away people who are willing to do it, you’d think more of these Republicans would have actually done it themselves.

Anyhow, I assume by “our kids” he means his kids (or maybe your kids, because my kids openly celebrate the shit out of Christmas and don’t give a crap about praying in school (mostly because they don’t actually exist – though if my stepkids count, then there ya go, because they do, and don’t – and they’re half Jewish, though not the half that counts{{37}}[[37]]Is that offensive? I only meant they’re Jewish on their paternal side. It’s so friggin’ hard to write anything for Liberals – you never know what’s gonna piss somebody off[[37]]).

I wonder if it would be OK with Rick if a kid rolled out a prayer mat during biology class (you know, where they teach about how fossils are God’s little joke on archaeologists, and there’s no such thing as evolution because everything on this planet is just so goddamned intelligently designed) and started yodeling to Allah{{4a}}[[4a]]I apologize for that insensitive and disparaging remark and link to the story that is in no way amusing, though I will consider yodeling while I cut the grass from now on.[[4a]]?

Anyhow, good for Little Ricky (or is Santorum ‘Little Ricky’? Oh, wait, just googled it, and Santorum is apparently ‘Little Icky’), he may have set a record – for the most ever “thumbs down” ratings of a YT video.

The question is, does Rick’s{{5}}[[5]]Not often you see three words in a row, all ending in ‘s’.[[5]] video rise to the level of hate speech and thereby violate YT’s “Community Guidelines” and merit being banned and removed (or perhaps removed, and then banned)? Well, I haven’t actually watched it because – like Roland Martin{{6}}[[6]]Clearly his mother was a Laugh-In fan[[6]] – I think it’s a good idea to not watch shit guaranteed to piss you off, but that won’t stop me from having an opinion on it, and I say….

Nah.

Better to let the world see what an idiot he is, and then make fun of him. If he came out and said, “kill all the gay people” or something, that would be different, but pining for the olden days when men were men and gay people had to stay in the rectory closet and out of the army{{7}}[[7]]Navy was always OK.[[7]] is just ignorant, and if we ban the ignorant from politics{{8}}[[8]]Yes, I know, banning somebody’s YT video isn’t the same as banning them from politics, but I’m extrapolating here – which I think Christians also want to ban[[8]], then where will the GOP find candidates?

Speaking of dumb fucking Republicans…

Newt Gingrich.

Seems there was yet another debate last night{{9}}[[9]]Another example of shit I avoid watching for health reasons[[9]], and the Newtster Rickrolled the competition. He’s like a fat little Energizer Bunny{{10}}[[10]]Except, instead of selling batteries, he’d make a great spokesmodel for Poligrip®, Brylcreem®, and Jenny Craig®. Fun fact: Jenny Craig’s parent company is Nestlé.[[10]] isn’t he? And, could it finally be Newt’s time? In the spirit of the season, let’s just sing,

“It’s beginning to look a lot like Gingrich….” :santacool:

Another one of these sad anniversaries today. I’m sure everybody already knows that it was 31 years ago when John Lennon was murdered. Hard to believe he was only 40 years old. That seem so young to me now. And John would be 71 – that seems weird, too. I wonder what he’d be up to, what kind of music he’d be making. What he’d have had to say about Bush. A shame we can never know, all because of some nut.

Believe it or not, Newt’s gay half-sister is backing Obama. Newt’s half-gay sister, however, is undecided.

Coax cable was patented 80 years ago today, ushering in the beginning of the end for rabbit ears.{{1}}[[1]]Full disclosure: I have a set of rabbit ears to receive OTA local broadcasts. They are hooked to the teevee via coaxial cable.[[1]]

In preparation for the beginning of snow plowing season (and in light of the fact that I never did get around to building a cab for my tractor – one of many things I didn’t do during the warm months), I bought a new hat and face mask, which I am modeling in this picture (though I didn’t have the beard part pulled up high enough when the photo was taken).

It seems to be warm, and will hopefully give people passing by something to think about. Yeti? Wookie? Unibomber?

Today is the dreaded “Holiday Luncheon” where my group and, like, two or three others go to a nearby “Pizza Pub” to sit around and bow at the feet of our beloved director and lavish praise and gratitude upon him for providing such a wonderful bounty.

I hate to seem ungrateful, but I won’t drink because I have to drive home, and I don’t want to eat pizza and wings (well, I do, but I find it best not to eat that kind of stuff these days), and I really don’t think the onus should be on me to explain why I don’t want to eat, and I don’t care for people keeping track of what I do or don’t eat or drink, and basically it’s an annoying and uncomfortable situation that I really don’t think I should be compelled to go to.

But of course I do have to go, so all I can really hope for is a quick exit (after which, maybe I can go buy beer for the weekend).

Speaking of beer, a new survey reports that – gasp – people often get loaded and shop online, buying shit they later regret. Astonishing.

This just in, grocery shopping while you’re stoned results in a cart full of junk food.

Speaking of getting stoned, just what does Florida Governor Rick Scott have to hide?

Oh well, off to be merry and whatnot.

It was 70 years ago today that the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor{{1}}[[1]]Played in the movie by Queen Latifa[[1]], prompting then-President Franklin Roosevelt {{2}}[[2]]Played by Kenneth Brannagh[[2]] to encourage Americans to go shopping, make no sacrifices, and gear up for a long, protracted war by cutting taxes on the wealthy. I think. I mean, it was before my time, but I’m pretty sure that’s how you’re supposed to respond to an attack on the nation. Well, that and throw a certain ethnic group into Internment Camps. It also happens to be my father-in-law’s 90th birthday. He was on the losing side of that war (though he’s not Japanese), but they let him into this country anyway, because they knew Germans made for good Republicans who would resent those damn Mexicans who want to sneak into this country, while he came legally (it is, of course, lost on him that it would have been difficult to swim the Atlantic Ocean, so it’s kind of an unfair comparison). Anyway, Happy Birthday to Opa.

NASA has discovered the first of what will no doubt be many planets outside our solar system – they’re calling it “Kepler-22b” – that’s in the “Goldilocks Zone” (that is, not too hot and not too cold to support liquid water – a requirement to support life as we know it). It’s about two-and-a-half times larger than Earth, in a 290-day orbit (pretty close to our year) around its sun, and estimated to have a temperature of about 70 degrees (which sounds pretty good this time of year). Sadly, it’s 600 light years away, so odds are we won’t be able to winter there (until they work out this whole warp speed thing). Although there’s no guarantee that there’s liquid water on the Kepler-22b (let alone life), NASA believes it’s much more likely to contain intelligent life than the Tea Party.

Speaking of the teabaggers, they sure do love them some Newt (Democrats, too. Libertarians, not so much). Having dispatched Herman Cain for, apparently, being a serial philanderer, Republicans are embracing the Newt (because it’s OK when a white guy does it). Not only is Newt sticking it to Mittens in Iowa with his lead swollen to 33-18, but Newt is likewise engorged in South Carolina – up 38-22. Iowa and South Carolina. No reason they shouldn’t dictate who gets to President – as long as it’s OK with New Hampshire, of course.

Meanwhile, assuming you’re not a millionaire, get ready for your taxes to go up in January. Republicans apparently have no qualms about letting the payroll tax cuts for regular people expire.

You know what? While I’d just as soon not pay higher taxes, I’m willing to let my tax cut expire as long as they let the millionaire’s tax cuts expire, too. See, the average payroll tax cut saves the little people about $1,000 a year. $20 a week. Now, twenty bucks is twenty bucks, don’t get me wrong. But the average millionaire is paying $136,000 less this year thanks to the Bush tax cuts.

In other words, I’m going to work for (quite a bit) less than they’re saving in tax cuts.

For those teabaggers out there who are mathematically challenged, here’s a simple tip: 136,000 does not equal 1,000.

In fact, 136,000 is way, way, WAY more than 1,000 (about 136x more).

So, I offer two possible “compromises” for you all. The first one is that you millionaires go back to paying what you were paying before, and so do I. The second one is that I keep saving $1,000, and you rich folks can go ahead and keep a grand of that $136,000.

$1,000 = $1,000.

Cool? Cool.

Bleh, Monday. And the start of an “on call” week for me (though we don’t use the phrase “on call” because that would require them to pay me something). I always seem to get this when my boss is on one of his golf junkets. Hopefully it will be a quiet week, though I have my doubts. Bad for me, but good for Newt Gingrinch, who appears to have won the coveted Herman Cain endorsement. I’m guessing Herm feels a deep personal connection to the Newtster. So, the question is, will we actually see a Gingrinch/Obama race to make the White House white again? That’s gotta be good for Obama. Right? Crap, what if Newt actually wins? I mean, Obama might be half a loaf of light rye, but Newt’s just a slice of soggy old white bread. And who will Newt run with? Bachmann? Oh baby.

I got 20 (OK, 19.5, but who’s counting) gallons of kerosene yesterday, at $4.35 a gallon. $85. And I could have filled up another 4 cans. I find this highly annoying, but until I can afford another pellet stove, it’s the only way to make my workshop tolerable at this time of year (and it’s nice to have on hand in case the power goes out – which reminds me, I should run the generator for a while to charge up the battery).

I actually got to watch some football (about three quarters, in fact) yesterday afternoon (don’t worry, I didn’t expose my wife to it; I watched with my sister and her husband, who are both ignorant heathens like I am). Even better, while the teevee said it was the Bills/Titans game (Bills lost – HA!), in actuality it was the Jets/Redskins game, and the Jets kept it close before kicking the crap out of Washington in the end. So that was good.

Speaking of football, the parade of geezers continues for the Super Bowl halftime show, as the NFL announced that Madonna will be this year’s, um, “entertainment.” Woo-hoo. I never understood why Madonna was “popular” 30 years ago. But then I’ve never really had my finger on the pulse of pop culture.

The man who is both Tutti and Frutti – Little Richard – turns 79 today. And no doubt still has more energy than I had when I was 20. And Art Monk (sorry, sports guy) turns 54. He, too, looks to be in better shape than I am. Not that I’m really setting a high bar, there.

Like most people, I measure the value of my self-worth by how well “my” sports teams do. Clearly, I’m not doing so well these days. The SU football season (as well as, most likely, Donovan McNabb’s NFL career) ended not with a bang this weekend, but with a whimper. After a promising 5-2 start (and the pasting of then-ranked West Virginia which at least I got to see in person), they finished 0-5.

Basketball, as everybody (even people who ignore sports) know, has turned into a candidate for the Jerry Springer Show. It makes it hard to enjoy being ranked #4 when every story includes at least two mentions of the former assistant coach who has been accused of (though not – yet – charged with) liking to touch little boys. And not so little boys (like, a 27-year old guy). And his wife apparently has a thing for them – or at least one of them – as well. Oy.

And now we’re on the verge of winter (though it’s supposed to be in the 50s today, so that’s nice), and I have a cold I can’t seem to shake. And it’s almost Christmas, which, at least, is a Monday holiday this year, so that’s cool. I’m invited to a “private shopping event” at Best Buy tonight. And I can bring “a friend” so let me know if you wanna go. Unfortunately, they’re having it a 7:30 PM. What’re they nuts? Don’t they know how dark it is at 7:30?

Not that I really pay much attention to Christmas these days. Hopefully we can “have it” here so I don’t have to leave the house. Or not at all, so I don’t have to leave the house. We do seem to have a tree this year though – much to my surprise. A little pre-decorated fake thing that sits on a table and can be tossed in the basement.

I think having a tabletop tree is an official, unabashed declaration that you’re old and you just don’t give a shit anymore. Kind of like walking around in black socks, flannel boxer shorts and a wife-beater t-shirt. And I seem to have developed that old man phlegmy cough. Mmmm.

It’s all downhill from here.

Sad to hear that Alan Sues passed away. And, like Art, I’m surprised to hear that he was 85. Then again, I’m surprised when I hear how old I am. While most know Sues from Laugh-In, my favorite is his 1964 portrayal of “Junior” in the Twilight Zone episode, “The Masks,” which takes place during Mardi Gras in New Orleans. It was the only TZ episode directed by a woman – the great Ida Lupino. Junior’s mother was played by Virginia Gregg, who was in pretty much everything ever done by Jack Webb including (of course) Dragnet, Adam 12, and Emergency. “Grandfather” is played by a guy named Robert Keith, who you probably never heard of (though you might recognize him if you saw him – he was one of those character actor kinda guys), but who was Brian Keith’s father. If you don’t know who Brian Keith was, well, then I really am getting too damn old.

Speaking of getting too damn old, today is my sister’s birthday. In her honor, I stayed in bed until, like, 7:30 this morning (up late, watching movies; my stepdaughter was here with her husband, but, sadly, they left this morning). In a freaky coincidence (known as “math”), she (my sister, not my stepdaughter – though her birthday was a few days ago, and she’s getting pretty goddamn old, too) was born in 1951, and is therefore 60 today, while I was born in 1960, and am therefore 51.

It’s hard to believe my little big sister hits the big six-oh this year. This must mean all her hot friends who I had crushes on when I was, like, six years old (I developed an appreciation for females at quite an early age. I recall this student teacher in third grade named Miss Le Freight…. :hubba: Oh baby. I’m not sure I knew what, exactly, to do, but whatever it was, I sure did wanna do it) are old now. Too bad. Though maybe they’d throw me a little something for old time’s sake.

We watched “Client 9: The Rise and Fall of Eliot Spitzer” last night. Very well done. I give the guy a lot of credit. He didn’t make any excuses, pull any punches, or fake cry or any of that other bullshit (and it’s interesting how much of what we “know” about his, um, extracurricular activities are actually made up bullshit). He sure did stick it to Wall Street every chance he could, and a lot of these unbelievably wealthy people hated his f*cking guts. Damn shame somebody like Vitter can stay in office, but Eliot had to go. I wish he coulda just paid a fine and moved on. The only thing I really fault him for was his selection of Lt. Governor Blinky.

Thanks to Web for the link to the Maron e-mails. It’s a testament to how much he’s changed in the past six years (not that I actually know him, of course, but he sure did get pissed and obsessed over e-mails and the MS show blog back in the day) that he didn’t tell the guy to f*ck off, which is what I was waiting for.

Hell, I wanted to tell the guy to f*ck off.

It’s a winter wonderland out there today. Not a lot of accumulation, but a dusting of snow to go with the sub-freezing temperature has everything all white and frosty. I guess I should probably bring all the hoses in.

Oh yeah, and Save Eureka!

Good news, bad news. The good news is that – despite a rather oppressive amount of work to do – I decided to take the day off. The bad news is that, in my exuberance to celebrate having the day off, I stayed up too late and went over my beer quota{{1}}[[1]]Technically, my beer quota for a Thursday night is ‘zero,’ but, what with the Holidays and time off and whatnot, I’ve violated that for two weeks in a row now. Shameful.[[1]] Therefore, I’m not feeling up to par (and I’m still kinda sick, which doesn’t help). So please excuse me for keeping this brief today{{2}}[[2]]I’m assuming that’s OK with the two people who are actually reading this.[[2]].

On the bright side, not only is Joe Ehrmann{{3}}[[3]]I’ll be surprised if anybody other than me actually knows who he is.[[3]] smart, but he looks pretty good for an old guy.

“Black” Friday might be over,{{4}}[[4]]Something to do with the letdown over the Obama “I knew he wasn’t a liberal, so I’m not disappointed” Administration, I think.[[4]] but the deals just keep coming. For instance, I got an e-mail this morning from an establishment I frequent{{5}}[[5]]The kind where you can buy a pallet of toilet paper for $10.99[[5]] with the subject “Save on Holiday Entertaining,” which is funny because I’ve found the best way to save on that is to not let people anywhere near your house.

Anyhow, the deals include “up to” 15% on baked goods – “including shipping.” Yes. I rarely buy baked goods, but when I do, free shipping is key.

And so, the week slowly winds down. Hard to believe it’s only Thursday (or “Beer Eve” as I like to think of it). It’s been tough around here with all this child molestation stuff going on. In fact, we now appear to be squarely in Jerry Springer territory. As if it wasn’t enough of a circus around here, word comes that our old friends the Westboro Baptist Church (owner of the charming web domains, GodHatesfags.com, GodHatesTheMedia.com, GodHatesIslam.com, www.JewsKilledJesus.com, and GodHatesTheWorld.com, among others. God sure hates a lot of shit. You wonder why He bothered with us all in the first place. And, seeing as He created everything He hates, I’m thinking He really needs to hire a Quality Control engineer or something. Pretty shoddy workmanship) will be picketing at tomorrow night’s basketball game. Oh boy.

They have a flyer on their website (that I will not link to), which, in their biggest, boldest font says “God Hates Raping Coaches.”

Well, God really ought to knock that shit off, then.

It also says something or other about how Syracuse is like all other universities. You know, bastions of godless fag buggering, general debauchery, liberalism and whatnot. I guess. I really couldn’t bring myself to read the whole thing.

The only good thing that might come of this is that SU isn’t some complacent cemetery filled with grieving friends and family members of somebody killed in action. I’m assuming the GLBT…um…LTBG…um…LGBT…um…BLT hold the mayo, whatever it is, community will be out in full force counter-protesting. Everybody should get all the attention and camera time they desire.

So good for them, I guess. But really, we shouldn’t lose sight of what this should be all about.

Me.

Instead of being able to settle in (alone in my office watching in shame on the little screen because watching sports is stupid as has been outlined many times in the past) with a cold beverage or two to celebrate the end of the week and watch the #3 (or #4, depending on the poll) team take on #10 Florida, I’ll have to continue my news blackout while sitting around and waiting for Monday.

This sucks. Why is everybody doing this to me?

It’s December now, and Mother Nature celebrated by throwing some snow our way last night. Not a lot, just enough to remind us that the warm weather is over, and we could get dumped on at any time now. Which reminds me, I need to go throw a fistful of ten dollar bills into my diesel cans (and another few into my kerosene cans so I can heat my shop as needed). I also need to break into a fresh ton of pellets. I have two tons in the garage, and am contemplating whether or not to get more. Except I don’t know where to put them (which is odd, as last year I had four tons in there; the garage seems to be shrinking).

My cold lingers on. Every time I think I’m better my head plugs up or I start coughing. It’s getting to be rather annoying.

Oh well, better enjoy this last month of 2011, because, as we all know, we’ve got barely more than a year before it all ends. Or not. Either it all ends, or it all begins to end. Or, it only ends for those who aren’t enlightened (which leaves me SOL). I don’t know. It’s all so confusing.

I only hope that, before the world comes to its terrible demise, I get to see the look on the faces of Fred Phelps and his disciples at the WBC when they find out that, no, actually God hates them.

See you in hell, assholes.