Washington Monthly has released a list of colleges ranked “based on their contribution to the public good in three broad categories: Social Mobility (recruiting and graduating low-income students), Research (producing cutting-edge scholarship and PhDs), and Service (encouraging students to give something back to their country).” With such namby-pamby categories, it isn’t surprising that five of the top ten schools in the “National Universities” category are in Communist California, the University of Texas in that socialist enclave of Austin comes in at #5, or that hoity-toity Harvard comes in at #9. I was, however, rather pleasantly surprised to see Syracuse ranked at number eight.

That’s higher than any Ivy League school, MIT, Georgetown (which, as we all know, sucks), and, well, any school east of the Mississippi (except for #7 Michigan, which I’m not counting; actually, if I leave out Michigan, I can say east of the Rockies). So, good for my alma mater, but you’re still not getting any money out of me (that double late fee adding up to $130 on a $25 balance was the last “donation” you’ll ever get from me).

You’ve no doubt heard that an activist US District Court judge has halted the appropriation of funds for stem cell research. No matter how you feel about the issue, you have to admit it’s pretty cool that it’s based on something called the “Dickey Wicker” amendment. That’s a great name – sounds like the kind of material they’d use to make a really funky condom. Sadly, it’s actually the name of an appropriation bill rider passed in 1995, and signed into law by Bill Clinton. It prohibits the Department of Health and Human Services from using appropriated funds (including funding for National Institutes of Health) for the creation of human embryos for research or for research where human embryos are destroyed.

In a battle to see who’s more racist, teabagger Mark Williams has called injun-fighter Mike Bloomberg a ‘Judenrat’ for Bloomies support of the Mooslam community center in the old Burlington Coat Factory. At least Williams didn’t say teabaggers need to march over to Bloomberg’s office wearing brown shirts and carrying Mausers to “enforce” the will of the people.

It’s primary day in AK, AZ, FL, and VT today, so, if you live in any of those places, go out and vote for, um, well, I guess you’ll have to figure that one out for yourself. It’s getting harder to justify the effort to vote for anybody these days. Our electoral process just seems like masturbation to me these days (not that I have anything against masturbation, of course), and with such an easily manipulated electorate and corporate ownership of candidates, I don’t see us ever being able to turn things around via the political process.

Time to build a bunker, I think.

I don’t know about where you live, but where I live, yesterday it rained. Actually, it rained and rained and rained and rained. It rained hard, and it rained constantly. In fact, we got nearly 4¼”, which – they tell me this morning – broke the old record for 8/22 by about three inches. Now, in my darn near half a century here, I’ve seen a lot of weather (snow, mostly, though there was that microburst in ’98 that devastated the area and knocked our power out for two weeks – which stopped being cute after about eight days), but I don’t recall this much rain in one day since the remnants of hurricane Agnes went through way back in ’72. Boy howdy (OK you geezers, who used to say that? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller? I’m thinkin’ Heath – played by Lee Majors – on ‘The Big Valley.’ I recall being shocked as a kid when Heath said “I’m you father’s bastard son!” ‘cuz I had no idea you could say that on teevee back in the sixties – though I must confess that my mother may have called me a little bastard a time or two back in the day. She also used to call me a son-of-a-bitch, which I of course agreed with whole-heartedly – which I think is what may have prompted her to call me a little bastard), that was a lotta rain.

The MacBook Pro I use (courtesy of work) has learned a new trick. Or, more accurately, has unlearned an old trick. Now, it has no sound (though it will pop a bit from time to time). So, the touchpad doesn’t ‘click’ (actually, if you push it a couple hundred times, it may actually work once or twice), the WiFi drops out for no reason whatsoever, and now there’s no sound. As much as I like it (and I really do like it), I’m really glad I didn’t actually pay for it. I could have bought two non-Apple laptops (with more RAM) for what this one would have cost, and while they wouldn’t have the ‘cool’ factor, I also wouldn’t have had to jump through all the hoops I’ve had to in trying to get this thing to do what I want it to do. This is my first long-term experience with a Mac, but now I can see why the TCO (total cost of ownership) is, statistically speaking, so much higher, and why you definitely have to get AppleCare if you buy one.

Sookie married Bill! Not on ‘True Blood’ but in ‘Real Life.’ Aw, what a nice couple they make, and that Bill (er, I mean Stephen) is a lucky man to have such a cute little bisexual wife. I mean, just imagine the possibilities (I know I am :hubba: ).

Oh well, I guess I better go make sure my car didn’t float away over night.

Update: The sound is back! After the computer locked up (in a very Windows-like manner that Mac people say never happens, but actually happens fairly regularly) and I had to kill it and restart, the sound started working again. Yay! I should have tried that before, I guess, but I try not to restart since the touchpad preferences don’t kick in until after your profile loads, which means I have to tab around to log in (not a huge deal, but a hassle nonetheless).

OK, carry on.

I’m not in a booblehead kinda mood this morning (kinda trying to figure out whether to make an offer on what we saw yesterday). If there’s anybody who knows (and cares) what talking heads are on tap, please feel free to let us know. Otherwise, I advise you to spend the day getting ready for tonight’s True Blood.

Ah, Saturday. The best day of the week, and the only day where you not only don’t have to go to work, but you don’t have to worry about going to work tomorrow, either. As a result, I typically sleep in on Saturdays, and today is no exception. I stayed in bed ’til damn near 5:30. But it’s a big day today, so it’s time to get cracking. We’re heading out to the sticks to look at a place away from suburbia (and neighbors). A while back, after I’d written about the unemployment in Syracuse, somebody commented that it was a shame what was happening in the “small towns” upstate. I thought that was pretty funny, ‘cuz while it’s far from Manhattan, Syracuse isn’t exactly Mayberry, either. Well, the place we’re looking at today is actually a five minute drive to Mayberry (and a half hour drive – about 23 miles – to where I work). So, we’ll see how it goes. I sure would be happy to thumb my nose at the neighbors on my way out the door, but I’d really miss all my brand new appliances.

Roger Clemens, as I’m sure you’ve heard by now since it seems to be almost as big a story as whether or not Michele Obama wore slacks or went on vacation, has been indicted for lying to Congress about steroid use. Really? Think back over the past ten years or so, about all the people who have testified before Congress and lied about things like 9/11, the invasion of Iraq, torture, illegal wiretapping…. People like Rumsfeld, Alberto VO5 Gonzales, Condi Rice, John Yoo, and Dick Cheney & his little buddy George (though, I suppose that since they refused to testify under oath or on the record, they’re off the hook), just to name a few. Now tell me how come Roger Clemens (who, frankly, I couldn’t care less about either way) is at the head of the line for “justice.”

You know, if baseball wants to not let him in the Hall of Fame or remove him from the record books, or whatever, well fine. That’s up to them. But for the DOJ to use its resources to prosecute him while turning a blind eye to all these other criminals who’ve done far worse damage to this country and are culpable in the deaths thousands of Americans, and hundreds of thousands of lesser humans, well, something just aint right. But then, you already knew that.

Yesterday, I brought you the news of Urban Outfitters opening a new store here. But today, it’s even bigger news: apple picking season. Yes, because of the warm weather and rain, the apple harvest is not only bigger, better, and sweeter than ever, it’s also very early this year. Normally, apple picking season doesn’t commence until sometime in September, but this year it starts tomorrow. Even better, after getting a special dispensation from the State last year, the new Beak and Skiff distillery is now open. And that means not only apple wine and hard cider, but apple vodka as well. I’ve never been much for vodka, but, were I not currently on the wagon (oh, how it pains me to say that), I think I might give it a try.

Good news for capitalists: jobless claims have risen to their highest rates since last November.

New applications for unemployment insurance reached the half-million mark last week for the first time since November, a sign that employers are cutting jobs again as the recovery slows.

The Labor Department says initial claims for jobless benefits rose by 12,000 last week to 500,000, the fourth increase in the past five weeks. Wall Street economists forecast that claims would drop.

I other words, when it comes to jobs, it’s a buyer’s market out there. At this rate, India will be outsourcing its help desk jobs to us, and Mexico will be talking about putting up a 3,000 mile “fence” to thwart the throngs of gringos trying to sneak across the border.

So I reckon I’d better get my act together and show up for work all bright and shiny. Sucks to have to be grateful for your job.

Like anybody in the vicinity of my age (and a generation before and at least a couple after), I became a fan of JD Salinger after reading ‘Catcher in the Rye,’ after which I tore through ‘Nine Stories’, ‘Franny and Zooey’, and ‘Raise High the Roof Beam, Carpenters and Seymour: An Introduction.’ I don’t know that Salinger is my favorite author, though he’s certainly on the short list with John Irving, John Updike, Kurt Vonnegut Jr., Isaac Asimov, Stephen King (yeah, that’s right, Asimov and King, you literary snobs), Philip Roth, Ray Carver, and, well, I think I better stop there, ‘cuz it occurs to me that I don’t actually have a “short” list, and this might go on for a while (and I haven’t even gotten to the ones who either went to or taught at SU).

Anyhow, suffice it to say, I’m a fan of Salinger, wish he’d published more stuff, and was quite enthralled to get to spend a night in the house where he purportedly wrote ‘Catcher’ (thanks to Melina), even if none of his literary genius rubbed off on me (though I am somewhat reclusive, and would be a hermit if I could still afford high-speed Internet and satellite teevee).

But I’m not a big enough fan to want to buy his toilet off e-bay – even if I could afford the $1 million asking price.

The listing claims that the toilet was purchased from the new owners of Salinger’s home in Cornish, N.H.
[…]
What the listing says about Salinger and this toilet:

When he died, his wife inherited all of his manuscripts with plans to eventually release some of them! Who knows how many of these stories were thought up and written while Salinger sat on this throne!

This vintage toilet is from 1962 and is dated under the lid. It will come to you uncleaned and in it’s original condition when it was removed from Salinger’s old home!

Oh, uncleaned. How wonderful. A dirty old toilet that might possibly have Salinger scat (or, dare we hope, perhaps one of the old man’s short-and-curly hairs containing sufficient DNA to attempt a clone?) embedded in its many nooks and crannies. Tempting as that is, I think I’ll have to pass.

In Tafalla, Spain, it was Humans 1 – Bull 40, as a bull jumped about 10 meters into the stands and managed to take out (though not kill) 40 people before he was captured and killed. Since they’d have killed him eventually anyway, I have to say, “good job.” By all accounts, Spain is a very nice place, but Spaniards really ought to see that this institutionally approved animal torture shit is pretty repugnant, and ought to stop.

The headline at the HuffPost says “Bloodsucking Bedbugs Found In Movie Theater.” What? As opposed to vegetarian bed bugs?

Bedbugs have attacked a popular movie theater in Times Square as New York battles the persistent pests. The AMC Empire 25 in Times Square was sprayed overnight and reopened Wednesday. A guest at the AMC Magic Johnson Harlem 9 theater also reported a bite in late July.
[…]
Bedbugs were found in two seats at the Empire 25 during an Aug. 3 inspection, and a guest reported being bitten this past weekend. Pest control experts were called, the seats were removed and new ones were installed.

You know, I thought the lo-cal news where I live was pretty lame (big news this morning: Urban Outfitters’ new store is opening today), but, geez, does “bugs found in movie theater” really rate national attention? What’s next, “cockroaches found in restaurant kitchen” or “Ponderosa salad bar cited for mouse droppings?”

Oh well, big day today. The doggie has to go to the vet for his rabies shot so that I can renew his lapsed license (we had a visit from the dog police, who said we have 7 days to get our shit together). He really (really) hates the thermometer part, and I of course can’t stand to be anywhere nearby when he’s being tortured. It really ought to be Granny doing this stuff, since, as a nurse, she’s trained to ignore (if not embrace) the suffering of others. However, my efforts to ignore things and leave it up to her has gotten us where we are today, so I guess I just have to man up and take care of it.

For the long term, though, I’m getting really tired of suburbia, and am starting to look for a place out in the sticks where we can get the hell away from neighbors. It’ll mean trading in my 3 minute commute for something ten times longer (still not much for those of you who live in real cities with actual traffic and all that). It’ll give me a chance to listen to my mp3 player and podcasts and stuff on the ride to and from work, so I think that’ll work out fine.

Speaking of podcasts, I’ve been a little off my Maron lately. Haven’t listened to one in a while, and I’m not quite sure why. I suppose I’ve just been listening to music more lately, and have been too lazy to even sync my player in about a week. That and maybe I’m a little tired of his opening schtick. Just feels like I’ve heard it before, and, well, I dunno. It’s not him – it’s me. I guess I’ve just got my own insecurities and stress and hopelessness and hassles and shoulder pain and high blood pressure to deal with, and I really don’t have room for anybody else’s bag of shit right now.

Just a phase, no doubt, and I’m sure I’ll get over it. Or have a paralyzing (though not immediately fatal) stroke. Whichever comes first.

Oh well, time to get out the door. Crappe diem.

With the state of the world these days, and given the fact that Iran’s first nuclear power reactor at Bushehr is set to launch August 21st, the last thing anyone needs is a fear-mongering, loud-mouth, walrus-puss douchebag opening his yap. Enter John Bolton, who told the Fox Business Network

…if Israel is going to do anything against Bushehr it has to move in the next eight days.”

Oh, great. Not that the Israelis need any encouragement, but should anybody really be trying to goad them into an attack that’s likely to, at best, not do much good, and at worst, well, I’d just as soon not think about the worst case scenario.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (is it typical for people with a PhD in physiology to be referred to as “doctor”?) told Larry King that she’s ending her radio show when her contract ends later this year. Is it because, in light of recent events, she’s realized that konservative talk radio consists of nothing but hate-filled blowhards who are polarizing this country, making serious discussion impossible while all but eliminating any possibility of solving any of the myriad of problems the country currently faces? Nah. It’s ‘cuz she wants to be able to call a n*gger a n*gger without catching shit for it.

“The reason is I want to regain my First Amendment rights. I want to be able to say what’s on my mind and in my heart and what I think is helpful and useful without somebody getting angry, some special interest group deciding this is the time to silence a voice of dissent and attack affiliates, attack sponsors. I’m sort of done with that.”

Oh well, looks like it’s time to go away now.

As you no doubt have heard, spineless Harry Reid has decided it’s more politically expedient to oppose the building of an Islamic mosque and community center in the old Burlington Coat Factory building in New York City (BTW, for those of us unfamiliar with the area, TPM has pictures of the neighborhood; I must say, for the most part, it looks like a shithole) than it is to defend the US Constitution and the right it grants “we the people” – be they Catholic, Protestant, Muslim, Moonie, or Hindu – to worship (or not) as they see fit (short of human sacrifice or something) without government interference. Whether or not this helps old Harry get reelected, it’s precisely this sort of behavior that has control of Congress on the verge of flipping to Republicans.

Democrats, on the whole, don’t appear to actually stand for much of anything and, given the fact that they appear to be no different than Republicans, aren’t likely to win the seats that are actually in play. All else being equal, boot out the party that’s in power. It’s a shame, really, since – much as the Democrats disgust me – I honestly think having Republicans in charge will be way worse in every way imaginable. Obama looks to be a one-and-done at this point (way too early to call, of course; if the economy and unemployment turn around or things stop looking like such a quagmire in Afghanistan, maybe he can limp to a ineffective second term).

Of course, Obama “stood up” for the rights of citizens to build whatever they want on private property (and good for him), but then of course he had to couch his remarks in a rather Clintonesque way the next day by saying, “hey, oh, wait a minute. They have a right to build there, but I think it’s wrong to actually do it.”

I know, I know. It’s very nuanced. Like saying you defend the right of Nazis to march through downtown Poughkeepsie, but you hate the message they’re sending. OK, I get that, I guess, though I don’t get what’s wrong with building a community center/mosque, and I don’t get why Obama can never just come out and be on the correct side of an issue without trying to have it both ways.

Why not just say, “look, do you want the government or ‘majority rule’ to deny you the right to build your church in a particular location, just because it happens to fall out of favor with the unwashed masses? Should we deny the right of Christians to build churches and assemble freely because Fred Phelps is an asshole and his church is a perversion of Christianity? Should we refuse to allow a Catholic Church to open within a mile of a school because it’s a ‘slap in the face’ to kids and their families who have suffered abuse by priests?”

Yeah, you’re right. It wouldn’t make any difference to these mouth-breathing idiots. But it would make a difference to me.

Then again, nobody’s asking me.

Every once in a while, somebody or other will send me the latest and greatest razor “handle” in the mail, with a sample two or three blades. I’ve got quite a collection, ranging from double, triple, and even “quad” blades, plus strips of skin moisturizer (or whatever it is) attached to it, for whatever it is that that’s supposed to do. Since I only shave my neck (and that only two or three times a week at most), I don’t really go through a whole lot of blades. Unfortunately, it’s been a while (like, a few years, I think) since anybody’s sent me one, and the blades on the one I’ve been using have gotten pretty dull.

So, while I was out at my local “buy everything in bulk” club store (paying for the privilege of spending money goes against my principles, but I get a “deal” on membership through my union, it’s really close by, and if you’re in the market for a 500-pack of toilet paper – and who isn’t? – you can’t beat the deals) yesterday, I figured I’d pick up some replacements. Holy Crap! These things are really goddamn expensive. Like, $40 or something for a 16-pack. Granted, 16 of these things would last me the rest of my natural life, but still. I really wasn’t prepared to make that kind of commitment.

Since I’m philosophically opposed to buying disposable razors (all that plastic to wind up in the landfill for a tiny sliver of metal), I passed on the whole idea, and picked up a four-pack of ‘speed stick’ (cheapest they had) instead. Fortunately, I was able to revert to a triple-blade handle that was still kicking around (and this, I feel obliged to point out to my wife, is why I don’t throw shit away).

Since the blade that was in there seemed pretty new, and since I have two more sample ones left after that, I should be good to go for another five years or so. In the meantime, hopefully somebody will come out with a “penta-track” system that lifts, separates, cuts, lifts higher, and cuts again and sends me a free sample, or I might be forced to switch to a straight razor (which, I’m reasonably certain, will only lead to bloodshed).

Why am I telling you all this? Clearly, it’s because I’m too tired to think of anything else this morning. How you can not drink and still wake up feeling hung over is beyond me.

Even worse, it’s Monday. Bleh.

On Press the Meat today, Gilligan Gregory goes “one-on-one” with war hero and modern day MacArthur, General David Petraeus.

At Faze the Nation, Bob Schieffer has Tim Kaine, PA Gov Ed Rendell, ex-RNC Chairman Ed Gillespie, Republican “strategist” Ed Rollins, the WaPost’s Karen Tumulty, and John Harris of Politico.

Over at Fux News, Weaselface Wallace has Crazy John Cornyn and Jack Reed, plus, Liz Claman of the Fux Business Network and Moody’s Analytics Chief Economist Mark Zandi. Plus a whole lotta fuxheads.

At the Goebbels network, Christiane Amanpour talks with Republican scmuck Bob Corker, Jon Corzine, Laura D’Andrea Tyson of the President’s Economic Recovery Advisory Board, and Martin Regalia from the U.S. Chamber of Commerce. Then Jim Sciutto gives is the latest on the flooding in Pakistan (I guess that commie pinko Amanpour doesn’t give a shit abotu Iowa), and a roundtable with Cokie “the hag” Roberts, political “strategist” Matthew Dowd, Chrystia Freeland of Reuters and David Ignatius of the WaPost. No George :jerk: Will? Is Christi putting him out to pasture?

Over at CNN, Fareed Zakaria has “the most important Economist in the World,”Jeffrey Sachs. Then, a scorcher of a summer in the U.S., a third of Pakistan is under water, fires rage across Russia and Europe is flooding. Climate change? What climate change? A panel of climate experts discuss the issue. Then Farred asks a former Muslim and Muslim reformer what the state of Islam is in America and around the world. And now you can be under 5’3” and be a French cop.

Have fun.