Yesterday was kind of a crappy day off. Nothing wrong with the weather or anything, though, in a sign that global warming is for real, the deer flies were out in force at the park. They normally aren’t this annoying until July. The bigger problem was with my 1998 Chevy Astro van. Turns out another brake line blew out, and the fact that it doesn’t get driven much caused the brakes to rust all to hell, and one caliper is frozen. Plus, turns out they added leaky gas tanks to the list of things that make it fail inspection. So, it’s big bucks for me, at a time when I really would just as soon not have to shell out big bucks. Then, even worse, I get an e-mail this morning from AARP (which is bad enough in and of itself) with a subject of “Your Sex & Relationship Questions Answered!” I don’t actually have any questions on those fronts, and even if I did, AARP wouldn’t my first choice for advice. I didn’t read it, but I can only imagine it has tips for how to have an active sex life with a catheter, and ads for a new line of thong Depends®.

Other sad news yesterday, as Himan Brown passed away about a month and half short of his 100th birthday. My condolences to Melina and her family. As a fan of old time radio, Hi’s shows have brought me a lot of enjoyment. Especially the CBS Radio Mystery Theater, which ran from Jan 1974 through the end of 1982 – taking me from 8th grade through dropping out of my second college. Hi and company managed to crank out something like 1,400 original episodes over those nine years, which is pretty amazing.

Then we had thunderstorms go through in the middle of the night last night. They don’t bother me, but they scare the hell out of the dogs, and when the dogs are scared, there’s no sleep for me. And there’s a big Frisbee – oh, excuse me – Disc golf tournament going on at the park today (yeah, they take this shit really seriously), so I can’t take the dogs there, and I can’t take them to visit their country cousins this week, either.

Well, let’s hope this weekend starts getting better from here on out.

The differences between President Obama and President Bush Jr are pretty clear. As Katrina bore down on the Gulf Coast, Bush played guitar with country singer Mark Willis. As oil gushes into the Gulf of Mexico, Obama sings ‘Hey Jude’ with Paul McCartney. I mean, some country singer I never heard of vs. Sir Paul? No contest. Obama’s VP is way better, too. I don’t blame Obama for not wanting to think much about what’s going on down there. I can’t bear to look at the pictures of oil slathered critters either. But I guess his handlers (who are doing a pretty shitty job of handling these days) are making him go back down today so he can look presidential and concerned.

Some people seem to think he needs to show more emotion. Personally, I don’t give a shit whether he “shows emotion” or not. I’d just like to see a little action. I don’t expect him to personally put a cap on the well (which means big bucks for BP, so we’re hopeful this last trick will work – at least a little bit), but how about a “moratorium” that actually stops new drilling, and regulations that require a relief well to be drilled along with the original well (the way those crazy Canadians do) instead of having to wait for months to drill one after the damn thing blows up?

While we’re at it, how about an Apollo-like program to get us off oil in the next decade or something? I’m no ‘Long Island Genius’, but it seems like that’d not only be cheaper than invading and occupying other countries, but also create a lot of jobs. Of course, that would take a bold leader with courage and vision, and not some typical politician cutting deals and compromising good ideas to death while protecting corporate interests.

OK, Congress sucks and Obama/Biden aren’t nearly as evil and stupid as Bush/Cheney, but, shit. I knew he wouldn’t be great, but I thought he’d be better than this.

It’s funny, sometimes shit happens that you think is so obviously wrong, that you figure any thinking human would have to denounce. A far-right conservative government boarding a ship carrying humanitarian aid in international waters and killing a bunch of the people on board would seem to qualify. Yet there’s Anthony Weiner (whom we all know from being an intelligent, articulate liberal, outspoken voice for single payer healthcare, and having a schnoz that could open an oil can – assuming you’re old enough to remember oil cans) out there doubling down on Israel’s actions, and calling Turkey a “former ally”.

Oy.

Well, I’m off today (you can tell by how I’m “sleeping in”), which means I get to see how many seconds of the Today Show I can stand to watch before I switch to reruns of Law and Order. Enjoy your Friday.

Apparently there’s a new thing that’s all the rage amongst the young people called “vodka eyeballing.” Basically, you pour vodka into your eye to get drunk faster. Odd, because I was always able to get plenty drunk, plenty quick by drinking vodka the old fashioned way. The thought of pouring the equivalent of rubbing alcohol into my eye is really rather unappealing. In fact, I’d have to be pretty drunk to stick a bottle in my eye, which begs a chicken-and-egg type question. Do you stick vodka in your eye to get drunk, or do you have to be drunk to stick vodka in your eye? Today’s youth: geniuses.

Speaking of young geniuses, the NY Post ran a story on one from Long Island who came up with an idea to stop the BP oil leak. Her plan is to shove a bunch of deflated tires into the hole, and then inflate them, thereby stopping the leak. Voila. Genius!

Now, I’ve never claimed to be a genius, but, as we mentioned yesterday, the pressure of the water down a mile or so is over 2,000 psi. Seems like a bit much to expect your basic set of all-season radials to be able to hold that kind of pressure, doesn’t it? I mean, I think the depth record for a submarine (with, like, air and people in it, as opposed to a submersible) is like 4,000 feet. And they’re made out of something a little more substantial than rubber.

But, as I said, I’m no genius (one might wonder whether there are lower standards for the “genius” classification on Long Island), so what do I know?

I guess I’ll go for the “Nuclear Option” where they set off a nuke down there to stop the leak. Not only would the leak (maybe) stop, but the resultant radiation might help to create a new super race of Gulf residents that can breathe underwater, and live off a combination of oil and seawater – think of it; in a generation or two, New Orleans will be filled with a species that can thrive in any hurricane and clean up oil spills, all while playing Jazz. It’s a win-win.

Oh well, time to make the donuts.

As promised, our Governor has announced plans to layoff up to 10,000 NY State public employees. In typical brave fashion, these layoffs will take place on Jan 1, 2011 – the first day of the next Governor’s term, and the day that Paterson’s pledge to not lay off workers expires (which he agreed to when the unions agreed to a deal to reduce pension costs). Of course, both the likely Republican candidate, Rick Lazio, and Democrat Andrew Cuomo have already said they intend to cut the State workforce, so I suppose they’re down with whatever Blinky comes up with. What the hell – they can always just blame it on him. I can think of a lot of layers of unnecessary management that could easily be done away with, but my guess is it’ll be the little guys (and gals) that get axed.

Folks in Pensacola, FL may be seeing a little oil on their beaches today. They ought to ask Obama to come down for a photo-op this weekend so BP will bus in a few hundred cleanup workers for the day.

BP is now moving into the “cut and cap” phase, where apparently they plan on cutting through the bad pipe and putting a cap on it. All at a depth of about 5,000 feet, which I think – and Andy will probably be able to tell us the exact number – is at a pressure of over 2,000 pounds per square inch. I’m guessing that putting a cap on a pipe that’s gushing oil under those conditions (I mean, since the oil is coming out of the hole, rather than sea water going in means it’s got more than 2,000 psi behind it, but then I don’t really know how all that works) is a little difficult. I mean, threading pipe is kind of a pain in the ass under normal conditions (but then, I don’t reckon they’re doing it by hand).

Now, I’m a bleeding heart, big-government, tax and spend socialist librul, so it should come as no surprise that I’m OK with Robbie Reich’s plan to have the feds take BP into temporary receivership until the leak is plugged and everything’s all cleaned up (twenty, thirty – fifty years, tops). But I’m not quite sure why so many teabaggers and redneck Republicans seem to be clamoring for government intervention in all this. I mean, I know the golden rule is that the taxpayers assume the risks and a handful of corporate executives get the profits, but I thought the teabaggers wanted all that to stop. It’s almost like they’re a bunch of, oh, what’s the word? Hypocrites.

Well, so yesterday sucked, and I don’t see today being any better.

They always make us put an “away” message on our e-mail at work if we’re gonna be out of the office for a while. What I’d like to do today is put an “I’m back – don’t f*ck with me” message on, telling people that this is my first day back after a few days off, and I need a day to deal with it, so leave me the hell alone. The people I deal with tend to be needy and whiny, and having a holiday weekend just seems to charge up their whine batteries, getting them all gung-ho to come in and want, want, want. Well, screw them. I need a day to chill out and try to finish all the shit I was doing last week before they add more of their crap to my pile. No such luck.

The curse of the “Number 3” strikes again, as a predator drone supposedly killed some guy they’re calling the Al Qaeda #3 dude. I don’t know – beard, turban…. Would it be wrong of be to suggest that these guys all look alike? For all I know, they keep killing the same guy over and over again. Which only seems to piss off the people who want to blow up buildings a little bit more (like they needed any extra motivation).

Speaking of people who didn’t need any extra motivation, expect to see a new rash of impotent, random rocket launches from Gaza into Israel, thanks to the Israelis, um, whatever you want to call what they did over the weekend. This of course will lead to attacks in Gaza by Israeli helicopter gunships, which will no doubt lead to suicide bombings, which, well, go on and on and on. In other words, business as usual.

I was thinking that our Peace President ought to send US ships in to escort another flotilla ships carrying humanitarian aid and see if Israel wants to fuck with the US Navy, but, then again, one of the people aboard this weekend’s flotilla was a USS Liberty survivor, so maybe we already know the answer to that question. Besides, doing anything beyond mindlessly mouthing “the US recognizes Israel’s right to defend itself” is political suicide in this country for some reason. It’s kind of like saying we ought to just kiss and make up with Cuba already, or that pot ought to be legal.

Oh well, time to get ready to go back to work. This is gonna suck.

So, while we were sleeping last night (well, I was sleeping, anyway), the brave Israeli Navy attacked a flotilla of ships in International waters carrying humanitarian aid for Gaza, killing at least 10 people. Among the 600 or so people on board the aid ships were a Nobel Peace Prize winner (a real one, not like Obama) and an 85 year old Holocaust survivor. A dangerous crew, indeed. According to the Israelis, when they attempted to illegally board the ships, those aboard actually had the temerity to defend themselves.

“That is a lie,” said Greta Berlin, a leader of the pro-Palestinian Free Gaza Movement, speaking by telephone from Cyprus. She said it was inconceivable that the civilian passengers on board would have been “waiting up to fire on the Israeli military, with all its might.”

“We never thought there would be any violence,” she said.

Rather unfortunate name you got there, Greta.

I’m sure that when Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu visits Washington on Tuesday, our President will give him a stern talking to. He may even scale all the way up to BP-level righteous indignation (very scary, that). Hey, here’s an idea; why not take some of the billions in aid and loan guarantees to stop the oil gushing into the Gulf of Mexico, and maybe fix New Orleans with the leftovers? I know, that’s crazy talk.

Anyhow, it’s Memorial Day, which you can celebrate via the teevee by watching all number of really depressing movies. Just last night, I watched Kevin Bacon in “Taking Chance“, “Alive Day Memories” is on this morning, and hopefully “Last Letters Home” will be on at some point, ‘cuz that’ll make you cry faster than “Old Yeller”.

I’ll bet there’s even a few movies on today starring our most famous veteran and war hero, John Wayne (who of course was neither vet nor hero, but he was pretty much down with sending young men off to die in some stinking jungle on the other side of the planet).

Personally, I’ve been fortunate enough not to have lost any friends or loved ones to military action. It would be nice if the last person killed in war was just a distant memory that you had to read about in a musty old history book that told the story of how things were back when humans (or the ones in charge, anyway) were still savages.

Some day, maybe. But not today.

On Press the Meat today, it’s White House Energy Adviser Carol Browner & BP Chief Executive Tony Hayward, Rep. Luis Gutierrez, and chowderhead J.D. Hayworth. Then a roundtable with the Washington Post’s E.J. Dionne & dickhead David Brooks.

Carol Browner heads over to Faze the Nation along with Ed Markey, BP Managing Director Bob Dudley, and Edward Overton, Environmental Scientist from LSU.

Dudley makes his way over to Fux News Sunday, and then a “fair and balanced debate” about Obama supposedly offering Joe Sestak a job. Plus there’s Ed Rendell, Douchebag Darrell Issa, Mike Mullen, and a whole bunch of fuxheads.

At the Goebbels network, they’ll have Colin Powell, Bobby Jindal, and a roundtable with George :jerk: Will, Matty Dowd, Clarence Page of the Chicago Tribune, and Joan Walsh.

Over at CNN, Fareed Zakaria has Bill Gates, “picture the Iranian regime doesn’t want you to see”, and a panel of Martin Wolf, Richard Haass and Chrystia Freeland.

No work tomorrow. Cool.

So, I was looking at the Huffington Post last night, and there was a headline that read “Starr’s Ex-Stripper Wife Allegedly Profited From Ponzi Scheme“, and I thought, “Barbara Bach used to be a stripper?” But no, wrong Starr. Turns out it’s Kenneth Starr. And I thought, “holy shit! Ken Starr’s wife used to be a stripper, and now she’s involved in a Ponzi scheme? And then I saw another story that said Ken Starr was arrested for fraud and hid in the closet when they went to arrest him. Wow. I mean, I always kinda figured he was in the closet, but I had no idea about the fraud stuff. But, no, turns out it’s a different Ken Starr. Who knew? Here I thought one Ken Starr in the world was one too many, and now there are two.

So then I’m clicking around the Internets, and I’m reading this thing over at the Wonk Room about how this oil well blowout in the Gulf of Mexico is actually a pretty routine thing that’s happened 39 times since 2007 (I don’t recall seeing any of those on the Today Show, do you?), and how BP isn’t exactly this “environmentally friendly” oil company it’s been made out to be. And the Wonk Room ends their post with:

But this event is yet another tragic reminder of the truth of George Santana’s dire maxim: “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.”

And I thought, “holy shit, it was Carlos Santana’s brother that said that?” But, no. Turns out it was George Santayana. But, well, close enough, I guess.

Besides, I’m still trying to get over the death of Gary Coleman. He was great in Office Space (and made a really good Mike Brady, too).

Sue Lowden got all pissed-off and refused to say on-air whether she was cool with the Civil Rights Act (though she sent a follow-up saying she did support it; I guess she just didn’t want to alienate any teevee watchin’ racists out there). I guess when it comes to civil rights, Republicans prefer “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.”

Speaking of which, the House voted to repeal DADT, as did the Senate Armed Services committee (or, as our lo-cal news twit just said, it passed “both sides of the Senate.” 🙄 Republicans like Grampy McCain and Roger Wicker, however, adamantly oppose the repeal, and are vowing to do everything they can to keep it from happening. Hmmm. These Queens doth protest too much, methinks. 😉

The Senate also voted to approve $60 billion in war funding, while the House voted to strip $24 billion in aid for health insurance subsidies for laid-off workers. That should be OK, though, ‘cuz congress enacted all that sweeping socialist health care reform, meaning that all Americans will get affordable health care regardless of their employment status. Right?

I heard a little bit of Obama’s press conference yesterday while I was driving around. I had to turn it off; he just sounded like he was full of shit when he told us he was in charge of the oil spill from day one. He needed to tell us ‘cuz we sure couldn’t tell from anything he did.

BP is thinking about adding rubber balls to its “top kill” mixture. No so much ‘cuz they’ll do any good, but because they’ll look really cool flying out of the leaks in the pipes on that live video feed.

Our Governor has announced a deal that will hopefully open all State parks for the Memorial Day weekend, and the rest of the summer. The deal gets the $11 million to keep the parks open by stealing $74 million from the Environmental Protection Fund. Now, hold it right there, math majors. Never mind a slight discrepancy between those two numbers. No doubt the balance will go to something important – like subsidies for oil exploration in Long Island Sound or something.

Speaking of our esteemed Governor and the NYS budget, we may get a ruling on the legality of the Guv’s attempt to furlough unionized State Workers. Of course, I’ll keep you in the loop, no matter how much you don’t care.

Otherwise, I’m just gonna lay low and try to slide through Friday and into this three-day weekend, which will be over too damn soon.

There’s a “social media” conference in town this week called Biz Buzz. I wonder if they know that’s a drinking game we used to play? For Buzz, you get in a circle and go around clockwise counting. But when you get to a number that’s got a 7 in it or is a multiple of 7, you say ‘buzz’ and then you reverse direction. If you screw up, you have to chug a beer (or do a shot, whatever). When you add Biz, you do the same thing on the sixes. So Biz Buzz could get pretty tricky. Especially when you threw in the other rules, like no swearing, no pointing, and no false accusations. Ah, those were the days.

Looks like the “top kill” thing is working OK, so far. If you can believe BP, anway. Let’s keep our fingers crossed and hope for the best so we can get back to ignoring Louisiana and offshore drilling again. Until the next catastrophe.

We had the hearing here in NY to see if the Gov. is allowed to break legal contracts on a whim. I’m guessing the ruling – which may come as early as tomorrow – will be in favor of the unions. Then it’ll be time for layoffs, I guess. Something more to worry about.

Makes me want to start smoking again like this 2-yr old, who smokes two packs a day. You gotta wonder what would possess a parent to start giving their 18-month old baby cigarettes. I mean, lit ones (or did they teach him how to use a lighter).

It hit 90 degrees here yesterday, which broke the old record of 89, set the year I graduated from high school (which was a long, long time ago). Sucked. And it’s supposed to be hot again today, too. So far, we’ve managed to keep the a/c off.

Beats having two-inch hail and tornadoes, I guess. I hope all you folks (and your cars) out in Colorado came out unscathed.

Well, crap. I guess it’s about that time again.