After last week’s SNL with Betty White (which was actually funny for once), I had high hopes for last night’s season finale with host Alec Baldwin. After Betty’s moist muffin, I thought maybe Alec would pull out his Schweddy balls. Sadly, other than a chuckle or two, the show reverted to the usual suckiness that’s made it not even worth recording. Let’s face it, if anything actually funny happens, you can always watch it on the Internet while trying to kill time at work. Speaking of shit that’s not worth watching…

On Press the Meat today, it’s Ferret Face McConnell and Chuck Schumer. Plus a mostly disgusting roundtable with the not disgusting Jonathan Alter, the totally disgusting Peggy Noonan, the exceptionally disgusting Mike Murphy, and the more or less disgusting Bob Shrum.

Faze the Nation has Dino Feinstein, Krazy Jon Kyl, somebody named Jan Crawford, and Zany Jeff Zeleny of the NY Times.

On Fux News Sunday, Weaselface Wallace gets down and dirty with Laura Bush, and Newt Gingrich will be on hand to shill for his new bullshit book, while the usual fuxheads nod in agreement.

At the Goebbels network, it’s Pat Leahy and Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III, plus a roundtable with George :jerk: Will, Helene Cooper, Glenn Greenwald, Gregory Craig and Ed “I’m not gay and if you don’t believe me, ask my pal Larry Craig” Gillespie.

And at CNN, Fareed Zakaria has the Prime Minister of Greece (don’t drop the soap, Fareed), a discussion about the David Cameron and Nick Clegg coalition, and a chat with IMH head Larry Summers and the finance ministers of France and Singapore (who are too insignificant to name on Fareed’s web page, let alone for me to google).

Looks like some people (mostly the Krauts) are all kinds of miffed at Google, because their street view cars have been “collecting payload data (the information users send over a wireless network) from non-password-protected WiFi networks.” Um, so, like, you’re broadcasting your private information via an unencrypted radio signal, and you’re pissed at Google? You might want to worry more about that guy sitting in a car on the corner with his Pringles® can antenna pointed in your direction, or the kid across the street who’s using your Internet connection to surf porn while snooping through your hard drive, looking for that spreadhseet where you keep your bank account information and passwords.

Also pissed at Google are cougars, who are accusing them (or should it be “it”?) of sexism.

CougarLife, a dating website for women “looking to catch younger men,” has accused Google of sexism, claiming that the company deemed its web ads “non-family safe,” while condoning as “family-safe” Internet ads for “sugar daddy-type” sites.

Of course, when you go to the CougarLife site, you see an image of what I would consider to be a young woman (with some kind of caterpillar or something on her eye) and a young man (wearing an old man’s t-shirt with a carefully groomed “unshaven” look) snuggling together.

You know you’re getting old when the cougars look like kids.

I guess that makes me a candidate for SeekingArrangement.com, which helps hook young girls up with dirty (and rich, apparently) old men. And what is an “arrangement” you ask?

An Arrangement is short for “Mutually Beneficial Relationship” between two people. Such a relationship is usually between an older and wealthy individual who gives a young person expensive gifts or financial assistance in return for friendship, or intimacy.

Let’s face it… It’s human nature for people to want younger and more attractive partners. It’s also natural for younger men & women to seek out more experienced, sophisticated partners, specifically those who have the means of providing them with comforts and luxuries.

Yeah. Specifically with the means of providing comforts and luxuries.

Any chance there’s a site out there for hot young babes hoping to hook up with fat old broke guys? Like, young people seeking revenge on their parents?

Daddy wouldn’t let you take to Porsche to school this semester? Break his heart by hooking up with a working slob who’s older than he is!

Nothing will piss your parents off more than pictures of their daughter “doing the nasty” with a furloughed State Worker!

Visit rent-a-slob.com today!

Either that, or join the “horror rock band,” Voluptuous Horror Of Karen Black.

It’s finally Friday, and there’s a big weekend coming up with college graduation ceremonies taking place all over. If you’re the parent of a graduating senior who’ll soon be heading back home to seek gainful employment, you have my sympathy. I only have two words of advice to offer: “tough love”. You can give them about a week of sleeping in, and then I suggest you get their asses up and out of bed at the crack of dawn and have them hit the streets. And don’t fall for any of this “I’m applying online” bullshit, either. You know they’re just updating their facebook pages. Get ’em out there pounding the pavement, and tell them to remember: there are no small jobs, only small people. Also, there is no free room and board after the Fourth of July.

The NCAA lacrosse playoffs begin (or continue) for Divisions I, II, and III this weekend, too. Onondaga Community College has already taken the Junior College national championship (second in a row, and fourth in five years), and we’re hoping that the other local schools – defending National Champs Cortland in Div III, last year’s runner-up, Lemoyne in Div II, and of course SU, who is looking for a three-peat in Div I, can give CNY a sweep. Hopefully they can all make it to Memorial Day weekend.

Today, the space shuttle Discovery is slated to lift off at 2:20 PM EDT. There are only two more shuttle missions scheduled after this one, and then, well, we’ll have to rely on, like, 50-yr old Russian technology to get us back and forth to the ISS. While I realize that it isn’t easy to justify the money to continue the space program in light of all the other shit that needs to get fixed in this country (or on this planet), I think maybe we could divert a few billion of the bucks currently spent on wars and destroying things over to NASA. But what do I know?

It also looks to be a busy weekend for trying to stop the oil gushing into the Gulf of Mexico, with 4 new schemes set to be tried, including putting on a “top hat” and shoving a bunch of shit into the pipe to clog it (which sounds like something I’d have come up with).

Hey, anybody tried duct tape yet?

Have a good one!

First it was Roger Ebert, and now it’s Francis Ford Coppola saying that 3D is a bullshit waste of money. I find it hard to disagree, and it sort of feels like they’re trying to shove 3D movies and TV down our throats whether we want it or not. Then again, I wonder how many people thought color was just a fad, nobody would actually want to hear the actors speak, and teevee was just a curiosity that would never surpass radio. Yet, here we are.

The President heads to Buffalo today, to do, um, something or other. Maybe he’ll take the girls to Niagara Falls (travel tip: the Canadian side is much better, and, while you’re there, why not check out the Love Canal to see how the Gulf Coast will turn out, and then have a date night with Michelle at the King Edward?).

My one word of advice is to not meet with our Governor while you’re in the State. He’s not real popular these days. But then you didn’t want him to run for reelection either, so I guess you know that.

As for me, it’s off to work again, and then I’m being forced to go to an acupuncturist. I’m just gonna tell him to put a pin in everything ‘cuz, you name it, it don’t work so good no more.

Our brave governor continues his fight against working people, all while raising the pay for staff in his communications office, where five staffers have just gotten about $50,000 in pay raises (most in the vicinity of 20% increases, which is rather ironic to those of us about to face a 20% pay cut). Of course, the overall payroll in that office is down, thanks to the top two people resigning in disgust when they found out the governor put the screws to a domestic violence victim in order to protect on of his aides. The fight moves to Federal Court, where the Public Employees Federation (PEF) was the first to file for a restraining order to prevent the furloughs. Absent any action from the courts, the furloughs will go into effect beginning Monday. No doubt our management is working on a plan to deal with all this but, so far, us regular people are in the dark as to how this will all work, who gets screwed and who doesn’t, and how they intend to distribute our unpaid vacations. All I know is, I better not have to take, like a Tuesday off. If I’m gonna lose money, I at least want three-day weekends.

In other news, apparently it’s appropriate for “legitimate” news outlets to speculate about the sexual persuasion of Elena Kagan. Even Eliot Spitzer felt obliged to defend her heterosexuality (and when Eliot says you’re not gay…). Why this would be anybody’s business is (like so many other things) beyond me. Unless she was a closeted day who had devoted her entire career to discriminating against and vilifying gay people (like, say this guy), I see no reason why anybody should care. And, of course, this kind of speculation would be considered verboten if she was a dude or looked like a Barbie doll.

Though I bet Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachman star in the lesbian fantasy dreams of many a teabagger.

Oh well, time to get ready to get going.

So, as expected, and despite the thousands of protesters, the NY State legislature approved an emergency spending bill that includes a one day per week furlough for unionized employees. It’s Governor Blinky’s revenge against the unions for the sin of insisting that the State abide by the contract it signed. Nobody ever offered state workers more money when times were good, but of course they’re happy to go after them when times are tough and the governor and legislature mismanage the state to the point of bankruptcy. To close a $9.2 billion deficit, Blinky and his posse want to screw state employees (but only those represented by a union) out of $250 million by giving them eight weeks of unpaid time off. That only leaves another $9.175 billion to go. God forbid they should raise taxes on rich people.

Of course, the unions are already challenging this furlough as illegal (which, although I’m no lawyer, seems pretty clear to me: it’s both an illegal lockout and a contract violation). My old union – CSEA – has already filed for a restraining order, and I expect the other unions to follow suit. Especially after Blinky yesterday said the unions “…just want to frolic along do commercials and have rallies.” Oh, and do our jobs and get paid, unlike you and the legislature, whose only actual job is to get a budget in place by April 1st, which you never, ever manage to do. Of course, you keep getting paid, don’t you?

Go frolic yourself, Governor.

It was a pretty miserable weekend, weather-wise. Especially yesterday – it snowed most of the day, was windy as hell, and while the official high temp for the day was 42, it never made it higher than 38 at my house. I did manage to get the grass cut, though (wasn’t easy; it was thick and wet – and cold – but I didn’t want the lawn police after me). Then I stayed up too late last night (damn Treme), so now I’m pretty beat, and facing a day with multiple meetings. Bleh.

I’d hoped Obama would pick a woman for the Supreme Court, but he picked Elena Kagan instead. OK, OK, I know that wasn’t very nice. But you have to admit, she’s no Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

Lena Horne died. Only 92, too.

Speaking of old broads, I don’t normally bother to record SNL these days, let alone actually watch it, but I made an exception this week so I could watch Betty White host it. She was great. No dried out muffin there.

On Press the Meat today, Eric Holder is on to defend his shameful use of the Criminal Justice system to prosecute criminals. Plus, a roundtable of Douchebag Dave Brooks, the Washington Post’s E.J. Dionne, BBC World News America’s Katty Kay, and Author Wes Moore.

Over at Faze then Nation, it’s John Brennan, Assistant to the President and Deputy National Security Adviser for Homeland Security and Counterterrorism, Christopher Dodd, Dick Shelby, and the Commandant of the Coast Guard, Admiral Thad Allen.

Brennan also heads over to Fux News, and Weaselface Wallace also has two of the most disgusting people I can think of: racist xenophobe (and those are his better qualities) Peter King of NY, and Senator from the terrorist haven of Connecticut, Joey Lieberman. Plus “power player” Jennifer Griffin and the usual bunch of fuxheads.

Speaking of disgusting people, the Goebbels network has Guidi Ruliani, plus Eric Holder and a roundtable of George :jerk: Will, Shelby Steele, Robin Wright, and John Podesta.

On CNN, Fareed Zakaria has counter-terrorism expert Richard Clarke, and then a discussion on how a guy with a good job, a wife, kids and a mortgage gets radicalized (I think it’s probably the wife, kids, job, and mortgage).

Hard to believe it’s Mother’s Day again (especially since it’s snowing here). So, happy Mother’s Day to all you mothers out there.

The good news is that I got on the presale list to buy tickets for the upcoming Roger Waters “The Wall” tour for Philly, Buffalo, NYC, Long Island, and Hartford. Great, I thought. Until I found out how much the tickets cost. I was fully prepared to be outraged by (yet pay) prices of $50, maybe even $75. Turns out the good seats cost $440 a pair. And the “cheap” seats go for like $240. And then I’d have to travel (most likely drive to Buffalo, see the show, and then drive back, to both avoid the cost of a hotel, and also because I don’t have anybody who could babysit the dogs). So, no Roger Waters for me. I’m sure it’s an expensive production, and I’d really like to see it, but I’ll just have to wait for the DVD. Even if I wasn’t about to get a 20% pay cut for who knows how long (the answer, Andy, is I don’t know how long it’ll last, because Governor Blinky intends to continue it until the state legislature passes a budget), I just can’t justify that much money to see a show. Bummer.

Once again, Bill Maher insisted on having that schmuck David Frum on his show last night. He’s not only worthless and adds absolutely nothing to the conversation, but it looks like his hair was styled by BP. I expected the woman (whose name escapes me, even though I just watched the show; sorry, that’s what happens when you get old) who was the former Fox VP of something or other to be a typical plastic twit, but she was actually pretty lucid and not annoying.

Bill was kind of annoying when Sarah Silverman was on, I thought. Mostly because he wouldn’t STFU while she was talking.

Big goings on here in town last night, as Stephen Strasburg made his AAA pitching debut in front of close to 14,000 people (on a pretty cold and crappy night), which was the largest crowd to see a game in Syracuse’s 135 years of baseball history. For those keeping score (which would be, like, nobody), he allowed one hit and one walk in six innings (he was on a six inning or 90 pitch limit – and he only threw 65 pitches). I’m not really a baseball fan, but it looks like this kid is gonna be pretty impressive. I think he’s the best pitcher we’ve seen in these parts since Ron Guidry was here. We’ve got him for five or six starts, and then he’s off to DC in early June.

Oh well, it’s a cold, rainy morning here. I guess that gets me out of doing any work outside.

Interesting developments in the British parliamentary elections. The Tories have picked up a lot of seats (92 so far), and have a plurality of 291 seats to Labour’s 251 and the Liberal Democrats’ 52, with 621 of 650 seats declared as of this writing (the balance of seats have gone to minor parties like the Scottish National Party, Sinn Fein, the Green Party, etc.). 326 seats are required for a majority, so it’s looking like no party will have what it takes to put together a majority government. That’s what they call a “hung parliament,” and now somebody will need to wheel and deal and try to put together some sort of coalition. And that coalition promises to be be pretty fragile, so the next PM will have a pretty rough road ahead, I think.

Otherwise, it’s just nice that Friday’s finally here. It’s actually been a pretty quick week. Not as quick as they weeks will be starting May 17th, of course, ‘cuz my furlough is looking all but certain at this point in time. For me, a 20% pay cut is gonna be kinda sucky. For people with families who aren’t making much money and live paycheck to paycheck, well, I don’t know what they’ll do. I guess it’ll be time for people to decide between paying the mortgage or buying food. The people making the most money are, of course, unaffected by all this, as are our brave state legislators.

Since I’m salaried, I’m sure they’ll just expect me to work longer hours to make up for my extra unpaid day off. And I know all this makes me really motivated to get out there and be productive, so I’ll be happy to do it. Honest.

Speaking of which, time to get going, I guess.