I’m not sure what’s more stupid – the fact that the local news station is doing “live remotes” from Target this morning, or the fact that the store was already packed with long lines at the checkout at six o’clock in morning. I shouldn’t actually even be up yet, but when I went to bed last night and turned off my alarm, I apparently managed to set an alarm for 4 AM (a bugle playing revelery, no less). I managed to shut that one off, but then my usual 5:30 Sedition Radio alarm went off, and I figured sleeping in just wasn’t in the cards. It was snowing like crazy when I got up (very pretty, like being inside a snow globe), but that seems to have tapered off now, and it looks like we’re about to break the record for most consecutive days without at least an inch of snow (if we make it through today, it will be 276 days). In other news…

My German isn’t that great, but this story caught my eye (mostly, I like the picture). Near as I can make out, it appears that an Australian farmer called the fire department, thinking there was a gas leak, but it turned out to be pig farts. The best quote is from the farmer, who says “Ich glaub’ mein Schwein pfeift,” which translates to “I believe my pig whistles,” but is (according to dict.cc) an idiom for either “blow me down,” or “I think I’m going off my rocker.” I can hear Popeye now, “Ich glaub mein Schwein pfeift, Olive!”

The Huffington Post has pictures and video of a 6’8″ model named “Amazon Eve.” Kinda brings out the Edmund Hillary in me.

Oh well, time to go to Wal-Mart (not).

Yeah, I know this is too obvious, but…

So, Happy Thanksgiving Day to everybody. I hope there are no Republicans or teabaggers off today, since it was their evil nemesis Franklin Roosevelt who officially signed this holiday into law in 1941. Get your goddamn asses out there and go to work today, you Conservative sons of bitches, lest you be seen celebrating a Socialist Holiday. Come to think of it, Thanksgiving has some pretty darn socialist origins – people of different races getting together, sharing food, giving thanks, and acknowledging that the only way they managed to survive was due to the kindness of strangers (strangers they’d soon attempt to eradicate from the planet, in keeping with Christian tradition), and because everybody pulled together and helped each other out – those who had some, gave some, and those who needed some got some (exhibited today with the whole “need a penny, take a penny” thing). I find it hard to believe that the free-market, keep the government away from my Medicare, tea-partier crowd would stoop so low as to take part in such an evil tradition.

I’ve been trying to think of things to be thankful for today (not personally – there are plenty of those – but on a more global scale). So, let’s see. I’m thankful that Bush and Cheney left office peacefully, when they were supposed to. There was a time when I had some real doubts about that, and wouldn’t have put it past them to manufacture some terrorist event, declare martial law, and suspend the elections. So, I’m glad they went away, even if they did leave a big mess and Cheney doesn’t get that he ought to just shut the fuck up and go away. Bush, eh, he’s fairly harmless. An evil little man, but I don’t think he’ll be too dangerous out there on the old motivational speaker circuit.

Cheney, though…that’s a different story. He’s got his evil tendrils into everything, left moles embedded throughout the federal government, and has that demonic progeny of his poised to fulfill his legacy. When the Konservative morons get done playing with their Caribou Barbi dolls, don’t be surprised when Liz Cheney become the new teabag darling.

What else? Well, I’m grateful the USA finally managed to break through the white guy barrier and elect a non-white guy as President. It’s a good thing to have gotten behind us. I guess technically that was one for last year, but, well, nobody’s taken a shot at him yet, so I’m thankful for that. Sure, I wish he’d turned out to be that stealth Liberal we were all kind of hoping he’d turn out to be, but, well, that’s life. Funny, I honestly think if he did suddenly “go rogue” and exhibit Socialist tendencies, he’d have a successful presidency (as opposed to what I predict will be kind of a failed, Clintonesque one), but, well, what do I know?

I’m thankful that teabag asshole (hmm, that conjures up a disturbing image) Doug Hoffman lost in the NY 23rd, wasting the millions that the Hair Club for Growth put into his campaign (not that they don’t have plenty more where that came from), and showing that here in good old New York State, getting endorsed by the likes of Sarah Palin and Glenn Beck is more the political kiss of death than a guaranteed win.

I’m glad this swine flu thing apparently hasn’t turned out to be one of those natural “culling” disease things that wipes out half the human population (which might not be a bad thing, really – as long as I get to decide which half). I’m also glad it doesn’t seem to be one of those “oops” accidental biological warfare lab release things that wipes out 99.4% of the human race. That would be kind of a bummer – and stinky, too. Although I do confess to fantasizing about being one of the lone survivors from time to time (ever since I read “Earth Abides” back in 9th grade). I’d get me a generator and move into a nice house somewhere in between a library and a Blockbuster (and near a good source of canned food, I guess).

Uh, let’s see. I’m running out of ideas here, and I have to go get the dogs tired out. So if you want to add to the list, that’s cool. Otherwise, I hope you and yours have a happy holiday. Rest up; gotta be at Wal-Mart bright and early tomorrow morning.

I had to skip the Obama’s Bollywood-themed State Dinner last night, due to a conflict with the Syracuse basketball game (where my alma mater beat Keith Olbermann’s alma mater). Not that I actually went to the game either, mind you. Instead, I finally got around to watching the new (OK, maybe “latest” would be more accurate) Star Trek movie. I won’t post any spoilers here (to protect both those who haven’t seen it yet, and those who really don’t give a shit), but I will say a couple of things. First, Uhura was pretty darn hot back in her academy days (not that Nichelle Nichols wasn’t good looking, mind you, but Zoe Saldana, oh my; a good reason to go see Avatar, even if she is just computer generated).

Saldana’s body isn’t even in Avatar; Cameron used motion-capture technology to transform her into Neytiri, a blue, 10-foot-tall kung-fu-fighting creature. But she didn’t just read lines in a sound booth. “Motion capture isn’t like shooting,” Saldana explains. “You’re in a suit with all these dots on you, and whatever you do, they get it. Sam and I did all sorts of stupid shit. If you burp, your character burps. I’d shake my booty, and you’d see my character shaking her booty.”

Indeed. I see great potential in this technology.

Also, why did they cast Billy Bibbit as Chekov? And the Sulu in this movie didn’t look at all gay. Not that it matters, I guess, except for historical accuracy, and the fact that anybody who is trained in fencing ought to be at least a little bit flamboyant, don’t you think (I mean, you gotta put the swash in swashbuckling, no?). Anyhow, it was a good movie – perhaps the best of the Trek bunch. And if they cheated a bit with the Trek time line, at least they came up with a creative way to explain it away. Too bad Mark Lenard wasn’t still around to be in it (since when does Sarek have a British accent?).

There have been a bunch of news stories on this morning regarding the danger of sharing more than food across the holiday table. Yes, that’s right: go to Thanksgiving Dinner tomorrow, and you run the risk of contracting (and therefore dying of) something even worse than the dreaded swine flu. The way I understand the science, swine flu has the potential to jump onto and embed itself into your turkey’s dead flesh (be especially careful with the gizzards, and for God’s sake, don’t use pork stuffing), thereby causing it to mutate into a form of zombified swine-avian flu (the terrifying SDCMG – Sus Domestica Cadavarus Meleagris Gallopavo – virus, :omg: seen here under an electron microscope) – potentially causing a pandemic of unprecedented proportion. If it spreads, soon millions – perhaps billions of people will begin sneezing their brains out, which they will then feel compelled to devour.

I’m usually not much for all this fear mongering stuff, but, in order to protect my relatives, I’m willing to make the supreme sacrifice of staying home tomorrow and watching some crappy football (Dallas and Detroit…why is it always Dallas and Detroit? Though there’s a night game this year between the Giants and Denver that might not be bad) after a quick trip to the dog park.

You see, my in-laws aren’t regular Americans, and therefore I don’t get to indulge in the T-Day tradition of consuming copious amounts of poultry, with the menfolk waddling off to the couch to watch football while the womenfolk wash the dishes and prepare the coffee and pumpkin pie (instead, I’ll probably have to suffer through a showing of the 1954 musical classic “The Student Prince,” starring “the singing voice of Mario Lanza” – where I’m supposed to suspend my disbelief sufficiently enough to pretend that a bunch of 40 year old men in lederhosen are German university students).

Oh, how I love musicals. :barf:

Oh, well. If you’re traveling today, you have my deepest sympathies. If your relatives are coming to your home, my advice is: run. Now. It isn’t too late yet, but you’re gonna have to hurry.

As for me, time to head to work. I have to drop Star Trek in the mailbox; maybe they’ll get my next one here by Friday.

A new report shows something I think we all pretty much knew – most teachers (63%) use their own money to buy food for their students. I predict that Republicans will draw two conclusions from this: teachers make too much money, and school lunch programs need to be cut in order to lower taxes on rich people (and by rich people, I mean multimillionaires, not those overpaid teachers).

The folks over at New Left Media went to a “Going Rogue” book signing in Columbus, OH, to ask the policy wonks in line just what it is they love about Sarah Palin. Surprisingly, they seem to have had some trouble articulating anything specific about Palin that they think is so great. She’s the “rock star” of the Conservative Movement (CM – like BM, only more difficult to pass), she digs “freedom,” and “free speech,” and of course she’s “real.” Well, I find myself relating very much to these people. I don’t know what they see in Palin either. Not surprisingly, those in the throng weren’t big fans of Barack Obama (though of course they couldn’t really come up with specifics on why).

HHS has a web page up detailing – state-by-state – what the current Senate health care reform bill would mean for residents. For example, in Texas,

* 6 million residents who do not currently have insurance…

(by the way, that’s roughly 25% of the population of Texas)

and 1.1 million residents who have nongroup insurance could get affordable coverage through the health insurance exchange.
* 3.3 million residents could qualify for premium tax credits to help them purchase health coverage.
* 2.8 million seniors would receive free preventive services.
* 493,000 seniors would have their brand-name drug costs in the Medicare Part D “doughnut hole” halved.
* 223,000 small businesses could be helped by a small business tax credit to make premiums more affordable.

This, clearly, is socialism at its most insidious, and needs to be stopped. Especially in Texas, which already gets more Federal money than they send to DC. Fortunately, we can count on the Lone Star State’s congressional contingent to not only oppose reform, but quite possibly secede from the Union.

Carl Kasell is retiring from the news reader’s chair at NPR’s “Morning Edition” (a title which parodies a now defunct Air America morning show). Don’t worry, though, you still have a chance of winning Carl’s voice on your home answering machine.

The weekend’s come and gone, it’s Tuesday already, and I know what you’re thinking: “I thought Kreepy Konservative Krybaby Doug Hoffman was gonna announce how ACORN, Unions, and Democrats stole the election from him.” Well, no word from Dougie – now behind by about 3,400 votes with another 600 or so absentee ballots left to count – so far, but he promises to announce his plans today.

I get that some politician’s kid – especially if it’s a Democrat’s kid – driving drunk would be news. But why is it news that Alexandra Kerry got pulled over, took a breathalyzer test and wasn’t drunk? Oh, wait she had an expired registration. I hope they throw the book at her (and show lots of pictures of her in that see-through black dress she wore at Cannes, too)!

Speaking of criminals, I’m shocked and dismayed at federal prosecutors filing charges against terrorist dude Omer Abdi Mohamed – aka, “Brother Omer” – in Minneapolis. I can’t beleive they’re going to put this guy on trial in the US. It isn’t safe – especially at this time of year. Not only is the Mall of America a target, but so is the HHH Metrodome what with old man Favre and the Vikings kickin’ ass this season. These people are clearly suffering from a 9/10 mentality.

Oh well, off to the salt mines. What the hell, I need to work on my Netflix queue anyway.

I don’t know if you had a chance to watch Bill Moyers’ Journal on Friday night (if not, you can watch it online here), but Bill – a White House Assistant in the Johnson Administration – used LBJ’s phone tapes and Moyers’ own personal memories to give viewers an inside look at Johnson’s deliberations on escalating the Vietnam War. When JFK was killed 46 years ago, there were 16,000 US “advisors” in Vietnam. War hawks warned Johnson not to “dither,” lest the whole of Southeast Asia fall to the Commies (the boogieman of time) and LBJ took the bait. By 1968, there were over half a million Americans in Vietnam, dying at a rate of about 1,000 a month. Johnson might have been remembered as the Civil Rights President, or for his War on Poverty, or his “Great Society,” or federal funding for education, or Medicaid and Medicare. Instead, he’s remembered for Vietnam. Moyers concluded:

Now in a different world, at a different time, and with a different president, we face the prospect of enlarging a different war. But once again we’re fighting in remote provinces against an enemy who can bleed us slowly and wait us out, because he will still be there when we are gone.

Once again, we are caught between warring factions in a country where other foreign powers fail before us. Once again, every setback brings a call for more troops, although no one can say how long they will be there or what it means to win. Once again, the government we are trying to help is hopelessly corrupt and incompetent.

And once again, a President pushing for critical change at home is being pressured to stop dithering, be tough, show he’s got the guts, by sending young people seven thousand miles from home to fight and die, while their own country is coming apart.

And once again, the loudest case for enlarging the war is being made by those who will not have to fight it, who will be safely in their beds while the war grinds on. And once again, a small circle of advisers debates the course of action, but one man will make the decision.

We will never know what would have happened if Lyndon Johnson had said no to more war. We know what happened because he said yes.

I hope Barack Obama was watching. It’s funny, while I voted for Hillary Clinton in the New York Primary, one fear I had was that she’d be easier for the war mongers to manipulate into a military entanglement to prove she was “tough.” While I knew Obama would be no flaming Liberal (if only he really was the scary socialist that Republicans make him out to be), I thought he was smarter than that.

I hope I was right.

Over the weekend, the Senate voted to allow its health care reform bill to be debated. That’s nice, I guess, though it seems unlikely to get to a final vote if people like Blanche Lincoln and Ben Nelson have anything to say about it. The sad part is it takes 60 votes for cloture, so even if some horrible, tragic accident were to befall the DINOs and sad sack Joey Lieberman, it wouldn’t help. Oh, you folks in Nebraska, Arkansas, and Connecticut must be so proud of your Senators. Not as proud as you Okies, though. Your bold (and extremely intelligent) Senator James Inhofe has declared himself a big winner in the battle against the hoax known as Global Warming, telling Barbara Boxer, “we won, you lost, get a life.” Indeed, Senator, indeed. And well said, too. Of course, you’ll be dead before the effects of climate change really take hold (and, really, how much worse can it get in Oklahoma anyway?), so who cares? Take the money and run.

Like most people, my happiness and sense of self worth are tied to the success of my sports teams (though maybe not as much as this guy). As such, it was a pretty gosh gosh darn good weekend. Not only did our hoops team crush two highly-ranked teams in Cal and last year’s National Champs, North Carolina, but our poor beleaguered football team – which didn’t exactly start out the season “deep” and has lost something like 10 starters over the course of the season (including six over the past two weeks) – beat the crap out of a ranked (though obviously overrated) Rutgers. It’s a sad sign of how low our football team has fallen when beating the Scarlet Knights is a big deal, but hopefully order will soon be restored to the world, and beating pissant teams like Rutgers will once again be the norm. Next up, the final game of the season at UCONN (which got the “biggest victory in its history” on Saturday against Notre Dame). Hard to believe beating a crappy team like ND in double OT is that big a deal (hell, even SU beat ND last year, and didn’t need OT to do it).

Ah, well off to work. At least it’s a short week.

Oh, and Happy Birthday, Dr. Who!

I don’t know if any talking head idiots will bother to mention it today or not, but it was 46 years ago today that John F. Kennedy was assassinated in Dallas, TX. What would have come to pass had JFK survived? Supposedly, Kennedy – no dove – had come to see what a steaming pile of crap Vietnam was, and was ready to get the US the hell out. I don’t think, in hindsight, many people would disagree with that, or that we’d have been a lot better getting out of Southeast Asia back in 1964. Certain other Presidents out there today might want to give that some thought.

As for the boobleheads, today’s bunch includes…

Press the Meat: Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-CA), Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchinson (R-TX), Sen. Joe Lieberman (I-CT), Sen. Dick Durbin (D-IL), Susan G. Komen for the Cure founder Amb. Nancy Brinker, NBC’s Chief Medical Editor Dr. Nancy Snyderman

Faze the Nation: Sen. Jon Kyl (R-AZ), Sen. Charles Schumer (D-NY) and CBS medical correspondent Dr. Jennifer Ashton

The Goebbels network’s This Weak with George Snufalufagus: Sen. Tom Coburn (R-OK), Sen. Ben Nelson (D-NE), Rep. Marsha Blackburn (R-TN), Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultz (D-FL) and a roundtable with ABC’s George :jerk: Will, evil spawn Liz Cheney, Aspen Institute’s Walter Isaacson and former Clinton Labor Secretary and The American Prospect’s Robert Reich

Fux News Sunday: Sen. Lamar Alexander (R-TN), Sen. Kit Bond (R-MO), Sen. Arlen Specter (D-PA), Sen. Debbie Stabenow (D-MI) and former director of the National Institutes of Health Bernadine Healy

CNN’s GPS with Fareed Zakaria: Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh and Newsweek’s Maziar Bahari.

Have a good Sunday.

Big day in the Senate today, as it’s up to one or two douchebags to allow the Senate to actually talk about health care reform. Not whether to pass it – or even to allow a vote on passing it – but to allow it to come to the floor for debate and amendment. Pretty stupid system, but one you’ll never see changed as long as it serves to give egomaniacs like Joe Lieberman a form of “power.” On the bright side, it appears that there’s been an agreement on the “Wyden Amendment,” which would allow people – not all people, of course, but some – to opt out of their employer’s insurance plan, and opt in to a public one.

It’s also a big weekend for the teabaggers, who will be storming DC in an effort to give aid and comfort to the enemies of reform. Not only that, but their hero – Doug Hoffman – will be deciding on whether or not to contest the election for NY’s 23rd District, based on his claims of ballot tampering (he’s got evidence – honest – but will only make it public if and when he decides to contest the election that he’s un-un-un-conceded.

In related news, Roy Williams would like to un-concede his North Carolina Tar Heels 87-71 loss to Syracuse last night.

I’m having a hard time concentrating this morning, being deeply depressed over the announcement that Oprah will be ending her show in 2011. How we can live in an Oprah-less world is beyond me. I guess she just wants to take a year off before the world ends in 2012 or something. There is hope, though, as I hear she’s buying the Discovery Health Channel and turning it into the Oprah Network.

Now that Doug “Old Yeller” Hoffman is behind by more votes than there are absentee ballots outstanding, he’s doing what any spoiled rich-kid crybaby loser would do: claiming election fraud, charging the Axis of Evil (ACORN, Unions and the Democratic Party) with ballot tampering (ACORN? Really? Up here in the Great White North? Well, they stole the Presidential election for Obama, so I guess it’s possible.). As evidence Hoffman and his lackeys cite, um, well, nothing really.

“We have found certain irregularities,” said [Hoffman spokesman Rob] Ryan.

Might I suggest Metamucil^®, Rob?

From all the reports I’m hearing in the media, I am forced to come to the conclusion that women are stupid. This hasn’t been my personal experience, of course, as almost all the women in my life – a greater percentage than the men I’ve known, that’s for sure – have actually been quite smart. But the other day, somebody or other changed the recommendations for getting mammograms (wait ’til you’re 50) and doing breast self-examinations (don’t bother; my advice, outsource the job), and the media reported that women were “confused.”

Now, the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists is saying women don’t need to get their first Pap test until they’re 21, and don’t have to get them as often, and this has apparently sent women over the edge. Women are now walking around with their shoes on the wrong feet, putting their shirts on backwards, and pulling their cars out without opening the garage door first.

According to the Today Show, even female doctors are affected – one just said she was “angry and confused” – by all this (to be fair, she was blond, though). I know I’m just a dumb old man, but I don’t really get it. I mean, if they came out and said men didn’t need prostate exams until they were 60, I would be neither angry nor confused (but I don’t get the damn things anyway; nothin’ goes up my ass until you put a ring on my finger, pal), and if I was inclined to continue my “self exams,” well, goddamnit, I would. I’m pretty sure I’m entitled to touch myself in the privacy of my own home (or the Minneapolis mens room) in any way I want.

All this and Oprah going off the air, too? Maybe the world really will end in 2012.

Some Congresscritter from Arizona that nobody’s ever heard of – except for when he held up a baby on the House floor, and told us how much the baby hated the thought of health care reform – (what is it with Arizona, anyway?) apparently has apologized for suggesting that if the US puts those scary terrorist dudes on trial in NYC, Mayor Bloomberg’s daughter will get kidnapped. I know what you’re thinking, “Bloomberg has a daughter? I thought he was, you know, like Ed Koch?” 😉 Or maybe I’m thinking of Malcom Forbes? I dunno, I get all those rich guys mixed up. Speaking of former NYC mayors with ambiguous sexual preferences, Guidi Ruliani must be bummed that Bloomie managed to get out of his term limits, while the hero of 9/11 couldn’t even exploit a major terrorist attack to get a third term.

Harry Reid unveiled what Senate Democrats will attempt to pass off as health care reform yesterday. The details will ooze out over the coming weeks (the National Right to Life Council is pissed, so it can’t be all bad), but it’ll supposedly cover 94% of the people (the other 6% can go Cheney themselves, I guess). Time for Ben Nelson and Joe Lieberman to start throwing tantrums in order to get somebody to pay attention to them. Hey guys, if you want some real attention, make some “solo” sex videos. :barf: OK, now I’ve managed to gross myself out.

Reid also came out as solidly pro-boob (or pro solid boob or something; I dunno, I don’t have time to fact check these things what with all the searching for Carrie Poupon or Dijon or whatever the hell her name is sex videos on the Internet), saying that women shouldn’t have to wait until they turn 50 to get mammograms – whether it does more harm than good or not. Give ’em hell, Harry! Women everywhere are outraged – outraged, I tells ya – at the new recommendations. Well, except my wife, who has long thought they were bullshit. But then she thinks flu shots are bullshit, too.

Speaking of boobs, Guidi Ruliani will be on the Today Show this morning. Whoopdie-doo.

A new law went into effect on November 1st here, decreeing that thou shalt not smoke within 100 feet of a hospital. What with today being the “Great American Smokeout” and all, the institution for which I work chose this day to begin enforcing the ban. Which is odd, since I didn’t realize that hospital officials had the authority to enforce laws (I just pray they won’t try the offenders locally – it’d be giving them exactly what they want, and that’s just not safe).

But, whatever. I gave up smoking cigarettes many years ago (something I once considered almost as unthinkable as the thought of smoking one is to me now), don’t work at the hospital per se, and don’t really care if people want to smoke (as long as it isn’t in my house, car, or indoors anywhere near me). In fact, if people actually do quit smoking, we’re gonna have to figure out how to replace all that $4 or whatever it is per pack tax revenue they bring in (and then we won’t be able to afford to buy the “No Smoking” signs, let alone pay the $125 per diems for our State Legislators to sit around Albany and do nothing).

But it makes the “big thinkers,” important people, and do-gooders feel as if they’re doing the big work and justifying their six and seven-figure salaries, so that’s good. I guess. Patients, nurses, and other smokers will just have to walk a little bit farther to light one up (kind of a hassle when the temperatures get down into the teens around here; sucks to be a smoker these days), so their smoke breaks will just have to last longer, and the non-smokers will have to pick up the slack. No biggie.

In a fit of desperation, I not only renewed my annual Mega Millions subscription, but also added one for the regular NYS Lotto. This means I can be a loser 4 times a week instead of just 2 (oh, I know what you’re thinking: “dude, you’re a loser every day of the week.” True, but paying to be a loser makes it more poignant, doncha think?). It’s really all I can think of to get me out of this “get up, go to work, come home, go to bed, get up again” rut that my life seems to have become. If I win the lottery, I can eliminate the “go to work” part.

On the bright side, drinking excessively is good for a man’s heart. Not so much for you women, I’m afraid. You’ll just have to content yourselves with mammograms. On a happy note, though, if we men drink to the point of passing out, at least we won’t be pestering you in the boudoir (which reminds me of a scene from the Sopranos, where Sil’s wife tells Carmella and Rosalie “I’m glad [Sil] has a goomar; that’s one less thing I have to do around here”).

Anyhow, I just want to take a moment to wish everybody a Happy Thanks…. Oh, wait. That’s next week. Crap.

I guess that means I gotta go to work.

Some great news for four lucky cities out there, as Glenn Beck and Bill O’Reilly are teaming up for the “Bold and Fresh Tour 2010.” Yes, because nothing says “bold and fresh” like two old white guys. No news on what other white supremacists they’ll be traveling with. Hey, here’s a suggestion, guys, if you need another bold and fresh old white guy, Lou Dobbs has some free time on his hands, why not get him as your warm-up act (Lou’s apparently not on the Sarah Palin campaign bus, but he hates Mexicans, so the teabaggers ought to accept him)? The Dynamic Duo will be heading to Westbury, New York (the “Levittown section” of Westbury, no doubt), Tampa, Florida, North Charleston, South Carolina, and Norfolk, Virginia (I guess that constitutes the teabagger “Borscht Belt”). Sorry, Kevin, but the Tampa show is already sold out.

Speaking of Bold and Fresh, former Klansman (hey, he said he was sorry about that; joining the Klan in the 30’s and 40’s in West Virginia was kinda like joining the Rotary Club), and supposed distant relative of mine on my mother’s side, Robert Byrd, has now officially become the longest serving member of Congress, having served in the House and Senate for almost 57 years. When I think of Robert Byrd, I think of his eloquent and courageous speech in opposition to giving Dubya the authority to invade Iraq.

Oh well, time to go be a productive American.