So, something funny happened on the way to Barack Obama’s anointment to the Presidency. People in NH decided to vote for Hillary. Funny, I thought the polls had Obama way the fuck in the lead. Gee, what happens next? I can’t wait for the media to tell me what I think about all this. Not that it matters, really. All that matters is that summer in January is over. Now it’s spring for a few days instead. Have a happy hump day.

So, today is the big NH primary. More white people deciding who should be our preznit. Obama has already been anointed, so after he wins tonight, I predict the media will turn on him in hopes of getting a horse race story. That means they’ll have to boost Hillary, because the only thing they cover Edwards over is that he was mean to Hillary when she got all choked up over whatever it was she got all choked up over. Whatever.

Time to put on my magic underpants and face the day.

Finally, it’s Monday. I’ve been waiting for this day ever since quittin’ time on Friday, and I’m so glad it’s finally here. And not one of those wimpy two or three day weeks, but a full five day one (next Monday off, though)! Unfortunately, Friday will be here before you know it, but at least we have today to look forward to. And it’s supposed to be damn near 60 degrees here. I would so hate to be stuck with the day off. I’m also really, really glad I didn’t stop at three beers last night, the way I almost did. You just don’t fully appreciate a Monday morning on less than a six pack. Better yet if you can hit double digits. Yee ha!

On Press the Meat today, Timmy Potatohead subjects us to St. John McCain. Also on shills from both parties: Democrat Steve McMahon & Republican Mike Murphy. If for some reason you don’t get enough of St. John on Press the Meat, you can tune in to Part II on CBS’s Faze Nation with Bush Buddy Booby Schieffer.

On Fux News Sunday, Weaselface Wallce has Huckleberry Huckabee, and the magic underwear mannequin, Mitt Romney. Plus the usual Fux news assholes, of course.

The HuckaMitt festival continues on over at the Goebbels network on This Weak. George Snufalufagus also hosts John Edwards, and then there’s a roundtable of Sam :omg: Donaldson, political mastermind Donna Brazile, Cokie “the hag” Roberts and George :jerk: Will. Whoopie.

If you’re not quite full of the Huck just yet, you can catch him on Wolf Blitzer’s Late Emission, along with free market savior Ron Paul, Bill Richardson, and Pakistani Ambassador to the U.S., Mahmud Ali Durrani (I think he’s one of the Republican third-tier candidates, polling somewhere behind Ron Paul, but ahead of Grampa Fred).

Later, on 60 Minutes, Lara Logan talks to Pervez Musharraf, who tells us it’s Benazir Bhutto’s own damn fault she got (take your pick) shot/hit with shrapnel/hit her head on the sunroof/died of natural causes. Steve Kroft gives airtime to Boston mob triggerman John Martorano, who explains why and how he murdered 20 people (let me guess; it was just business). And Mike Wallace talks to Roger Clemens, because we apparently give a shit whether or not he used performance-enhancing drugs (Roger, not Mike).

But, who gives a shit about all that? Tonight is the final season premiere of The Wire, on HBO. Have a good one.

It’s Saturday. Saturdays make me think of Sundays. Sundays make me think of Mondays. And Mondays make me think of, well, suicide.

Oh, not that boo-hoo, my life is so horrible I want to throw myself into the bog of eternal stench suicide. More like, quit my job, start charging everything to my credit cards, go to minimum payments, borrow against my retirement, live off my savings, survive until it all comes crashing down on me, and then put a bullet in my brain (leaving aside, for the moment, that I don’t own a gun and am a coward).

If I went with just the basics that are important to me (beer, satellite TV, and broadband Internet access), I bet I could go for quite a while. Years, maybe (I’d just have to start accepting all those credit card offer I keep getting, get rid of the vehicles, and maybe pawn a few bills off on granny). And it’s quality of life that counts, right? I just can’t see that going to work every day gives me any kind of quality of life. It’s like I have a terminal disease, and working is the chemo that temporarily keeps me alive, but feeling feeble and nauseated (except work happens to be both the treatmen and the disease). Better to quit the treatment, and enjoy whatever time I have left in this miserable existence.

Anyhow, that’s my cheerful thought for the day.

I know this is a highly overused phrase, but thank god it’s Friday. All I can think about is getting through this godawful day, and getting home again. I have so far refused to pay attention to yesterday’s caucuses, but I suppose I ought to go take a look and see who the big winner was. Or maybe I should just call in sick and go back to sleep.

Finally, the friggin’ Iowa caucuses are here. It’s way too early for this, but I’m sick of hearing about it already. My personal hope is that John Edwards does well. I’m tired of Kos’ conventional wisdom that says accepting matching funds is a loser proposition, and I’m tired of Hillary’s “inevitability,” and I’m really tired of hearing Obama talk a lot while saying pretty much nothing.

I’m also pretty tired of the Hillary haters. I’m not a supporter of hers, and I don’t want her to get the nomination, but I don’t feel the hatred toward her that so many people seem to. She’s a calculating politician type and I don’t especially trust her, but her voting record is, for the most part, pretty good. I’m pretty tired of the Obama true believers, too. They seem to be filled with so much venom, as they bask in the glow of Mr. Hope, Change, and Compromise. To me, Obama has about as much substance as dryer lint, but I don’t feel animosity toward him. But, whatever.

On the other side, I’m tired of all those fuckin’ loser Republicans. I’d sure as hell hate to get stuck with another one of those yo-yos until 2012. There isn’t any one of them I’d vote for over any of the Democrats (or any chance I just wouldn’t vote).

So, I guess we’ll see what happens.

So, back to work today. I’m really not up for it. I’m also not up to spend the next 11 months listening to all this election crap. I don’t know how things will turn out in Iowa tomorrow, but I have a feeling I’ll wind up having to vote for somebody I don’t really care for in November. And even if I actually like who I vote for, they probably won’t be able to actually accomplish anything once they get in. And that’s only if this asshole that talks to god doesn’t manage to blow up the world in the meantime. Oh well, let’s get this over with.

Happy New Year, everybody. Let’s hope 2008 is a better year for all of us. Now, getting back to dead people…

July

Lung cancer took soprano (but not Soprano) Beverly Sills on July 2nd, at the age of 78. The same day, “Yakety Sax” man Boots Randolph passed away after suffering a cerebral hemorrhage on June 25th. He was 80. Bil Pinkney died on the Fourth of July at the age of 81. He was the last surviving member of The Drifters. Actor Charles Lane – whose name you probably don’t recognize, but who you’d know if you saw him – passed away at the age of 102 on July 9th. He was in classic movies such as “It’s a Wonderful Life,” and “Mr. Deeds Goes to Town,” played the scheming railroad man, Homer Beadle, on “Petticoat Junction” and was in plenty of episodes of “I Love Lucy,” among many others (including episode 33 of the Twilight Zone). On July 11 – my anniversary – Lady Bird Johnson died at the age of 94. No doubt Kristapea recalls July 27, when two news helicopters covering a police chase in Phoenix slammed into each other. The pilots – Scott Bowerbank and Craig Smith – and photographers Jim Cox and Rick Krolak were killed. A guy I used to stay up late at night with – talk show host Tom Snyder – died of Leukemia on July 29 (I’d have figured him for lung cancer). He was 71. Swedish film director Ingmar Bergman died on July 30 at the age of 89. 75 year old football coach Bill Walsh died of leukemia the same day.

August

Another actor whose name you probably don’t know, but whose face you’d immediately recognize, James Callahan, died on August 3rd from esophageal cancer. He was 76. Singer-songwriter Lee Hazelwood (who wrote “These Boots Are Made for Walkin'”) died on August 5. He was 78. Prostate cancer took Merv Griffin on August 12 at the age of 81. A day later, the woman who was considered to be the oldest living person (not a title one generally hold for long) – Yone Minagawa – died in Japan at the age of 114. “The Scooter,” Phil Rizzuto, died on August 14th at the age of 89. Jazz drummer Max Roach died on the 15th at the age of 83. On August 17, former NBA forward Eddie Griffin took on a freight train with his SUV. The train won, and it took dental records to identify what was left of 25-yr old , after the fiery crash. “The Queen of Mean,” Leona Helmsley, died on Aug 20 at 87. Arthur Jones, who invented the Nautilus machine, died at the age of 80 on August 28. So did CBGB founder Hilly Kristal, who was 75. Lung cancer got him. Richard Jewell, who was falsely accused of the 1996 bombings in Atlanta, passed away at the age of 44 on August 29. Lung cancer got golfer Gay Brewer at the age of 75 on August 31.

September

Tenor Luciano Pavarotti died from pancreatic cancer on September 6th at the age of 71. Ronny Reagan’s first wife, Jane Wyman, died on the 10th, at the age of 93. Jazzman Joe Zawinul died the next day. He was 75. Jack Klugman’s estranged wife (and “Match Game” regular) Brett Somers died on September 15 from colon cancer. Alice Ghostly – Esmerelda on Bewitched – died on September 21st. She was 81. Marcel Marceau fell silent on the 22nd at the age of 84. He was buried in an imaginary coffin. Lois Maxwell, who played Miss Moneypenny in 14 James Bond movies, died on Sept. 29. She was 80.

October

Carol Bruce, who played Arthur Carlson’s mama on “WKRP in Cincinnati,” died of COPD on Oct. 9 at the age of 87. A week later, Deborah Kerr passed away at 86. A day after that, singer Teresa Brewer died. She was 76. Rat Pack member comedian Joey Bishop died that day, too. He was 89. Former Green Bay Packer Max McGee, who caught the first ever Super Bowl touchdown pass, fell off his roof on Oct 20, and died at the age of 75. TV’s “Chef Tell” (aka, Friedman Paul Erhardt), died of heart failure on Oct. 26. He was 63. On the 28th, country legend Porter Wagoner died of lung cancer at the age of 80, in a Nashville hospice. Robert Goulet died on Oct 30 at the age of 73, while waiting for a lung transplant.

November

Paul Tibbets, commander of the mission to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima, died at the age of 92 on November 1st. The head of the Osmond clan, George Osmond, died on Nov. 6 at the age of 90. Kayne West’s mother, Donda, died at the age of 58 on November 10, as a result of plastic surgery. Author Norman Mailer died the same day. He was 84. Ira Levin, author of “Rosemary’s Baby” and “The Boys From Brazil,” died of a heart attack on Nov. 12 at 78. Mr Whipple – Dick Wilson – squeezed his final roll of Charmin on Nov. 19. He was 91. Quiet Riot lead singer Kevin Dubrow was found dead in Las Vegas on Nov. 26, at the age of 52. The man who invented Gatorade, Dr. Robert Cade, died of kidney failure (nothing he drank I hope) on Nov. 27 at the age of 80. 24-yr old Washington Redskins safety died that day as well, a day after being shot at home in an attempted robbery. Republican hypocrite Henry Hyde, who led the impeachment of Bill Clinton, died on November 29, at the age of 83. That was also the day that Roger Smith – former GM Chairman/CEO and star of Michael Moore’s film, “Roger and Me” – died. He was 82. Evel Knievel died at the age of 69 on November 30th. The wonder is how he made it that long.

December

Ike Turner passed away on December 12, at the age of 76. Somehow, I doubt Tina spent much time mourning. Dan Folgelberg died on the 16th. Prostate cancer got him at the age of 56. Art Linkletter’s son Jack died on Dec. 18 from lymphoma at age 70. The great jazz pianist Oscar Peterson died on Christmas Eve, at the age of 82. And, of course, Pakistan opposition leader (and incredibly brave human being) Benazir Bhutto was assassinated on Dec. 27 in a suicide attack that also killed at least 20 other people in Rawalpindi, Pakistan. Exactly who killed her and how she died, we’ll probably never know.

Of course, a lot of other people died in 2007. Hundreds of US Solidiers were killed in Iraq and Afghanistan. We’ll never know how many Iraqi’s died this year. May they all find peace in whatever comes next.

And peace to all of you, today and in the year to come.

Time to kiss 2007 goodbye, and what better way than to look back and see who died over the past year? This isn’t meant to be a comprehensive list, so if I’ve missed your favorite dead guy or gal, feel free to add them in the comments.

Denver Broncos cornerback Darrent Williams was killed in a drive-by shooting in on Jan. 1. He was 24 years old. Steel guitar virtuoso “Sneaky” Pete Kleinow, an original Flying Burrito Brother, died on Jan. 6 at the age of 72. He was also an award-winning animator and special effects artist. Suffering from Alzheimer’s, he died in a nursing home in California. The next day, NASCAR driver Bobby Hamilton died at the age of 49, of cancer in the head and neck. Film producer Carlo Ponti died at the age of 94 on January 9. His films included “Doctor Zhivago,” but those of us of the male persuasion are most grateful to him for discovering a teenager by the name of Sophia Loren, who he also wound up marrying (despite being threatened with bigamy charges and excommunication from the Catholic Church). Well, who could really blame him?

On the 13th, we lost half of the Brecker Brothers, as sax player Michael Brecker passed away at the age of 57 from leukemia. Lung cancer got former taxi driver and NASCAR legend Benny Parsons on January 16. He was 65. On the same day, actor Ron Carey (the short cop with a chip on his shoulder from Barney Miller) died of a stroke at the age of 71. A day later, Pulitzer prize winning columnist Art Buchwald died at the age of 81. He’d decided to quit dialysis treatments almost a year earlier, and checked into a hospice where he was expected to die within weeks. Instead, he came back home and wrote a book, and died in his own bed, surrounded by loved ones. On the 19th, Denny Doherty – one of the Poppas from the Momas and Poppas – passed away at the age of 66. Watergate conspirator E. Howard Hunt died of pneumonia at the age of 88 on January 23. Among his other accomplishments are the orchestration of a military coup in Guatemala, and helping to mastermind the Bay of Pigs operation. Tige Andrews (Capt Greer on the Mod Squat) died on the 27th of a heart attack at 86. Author Sydney Sheldon died on January 30th, and the great Molly Ivins passed away at the age of 66, after a long battle with breast cancer.

The Spinners’ Billy Henderson passed away from complications due to diabetes on Feb 2nd. He was 67. The same day, Funk Brother Joe Hunter died at the age of 79. Actress and singer Barbara McNair died on Feb. 4 after battling throat cancer. She was 72. Another singer, Frankie Laine (“rollin’ rollin’ rollin’, keep them dogies rollin’. Rawhide!”), died on Feb 6th at the age of 93. Anna Nicole Smith passed away at the age of 39 on Feb 8. She was equally exploited in death, as she had been in life.

Thomas Eagleton, who was forced to resign as George McGovern’s running mate because he’d once been treated for depression, died of a combination of heart, respiratory and other problems on March 4 at the age of 77. Two days later, wine guy Ernest Gallo passed away at the age of 97. Boston’s lead singer, Brad Delp, passed away at the age of 55 on March 9th. The next day, comedian Richard Jeni apparently committed suicide at the age of 49. Director Stuart Rosenberg (“Cool Hand Luke”), died of a heart attack on March 15, as did former baseball commissioner Bowie Kuhn. Singer Luther Ingram (“If Loving You Is Wrong I Don’t Wanna Be Right”) died at 69 of heart failure on March 19. The same day, Calvert “Larry ‘Bud’ Melman” DeForest, died at the age of 85.

Former Grambling football coach died at the age of 88 on April 3rd. Daryl Stingley, who’d been a quadriplegic since a preseason football injury in 1978, died on April 5th. He was 55. BC cartoonist Johnny Heart passed away on April 7 at the age of 76. So did actor Barry Nelson, first person to play James Bond. He was 89. Actor Roscoe Lee Browne died on April 11 from cancer at the age of 81. That same day, we lost the great Kurt Vonnegut, who was 84. Don Ho died of heart failure on the 14th, and Kitty Carlisle died at the age of 96 on April 18. Boris Yeltsin died at the age of 76 on April 23rd. So did journalist David Halberstam. Bobby “Boris” Pickett, who gave us the “Monster Mash” in 1962, died of leukemia on April 25. He was 69. Jack Valenti – who gave us the movie rating system – had a stroke and died at the age of 85 on April 26. ongtime Tonight Show Band member Tommy Newsome passed away on April 30 at the age of 78. Actor Tom Poston died the same day. He was survived by his wife, Suzanne Pleshette.

Astronaut Wally Schirra – the only man to fly on the Mercury, Gemini and Apollo spacecraft – died on May 3 at 84. Moral Majority founder Jerry Falwell died on May 15th. He was greatly surprised to find out that God is gay. Lucky for him, he went to hell. Yolanda Denise King (MLK’s oldest child) died the same same day. New England Patriots defensive end Marquise Hill died on May 27 at the age of 24, after a jet ski accident on Lake Pontchartrain. It was the same day that Charles Nelson Reilly died of complications from pneumonia. He was 76.

One of my personal heroes, Don “Mr. Wizard” Herbert, died of bone cancer on June 12, at the age of 89. He inspired me to blow up all kinds of shit. Former UN Secretary General, Austrian President, and Nazi, Kurt Waldheim, died of heart failure on June 14 at 88. Keyboard player and songwriter Richard Bell – member of Janice Joplin’s Full Tilt Boogie Band, among other things – died of multiple myeloma June 15 at 61. Pro wrestler Chris Benoit strangled his wife and smothered his 7-year-old son. Then he hung himself on June 25. The next day, Liz Claiborne died of cancer. She was 78. Film critic Joel Siegel died at the age of 63 on June 29th of colon cancer.

Well, that’s a recap of some of the deaths in the first half of 2007. I’ll have look at who died in the second half of the year (along with any last minute entries) tomorrow. For now, it’s time to get ready to watch some Twilight Zone, which starts at 8:00 Eastern Time. Whatever you do, be careful out there tonight.