My brain hurts too much to think, let alone write. Y’all carry on.

Well, today marks the beginning of the end. No, not for Gonzo (well, OK, maybe for Gonzo, but that’s not what I meant), but for the end of this horrible nightmare, known as “grad school.” I’ll spare you the gory details, but basically I have three days of acutely horrible hell, to be followed by roughly a week and a half (unless I can write faster) of chronically horrible hell, trying to crank out 60 pages of bullshit that will pass for, um, not bullshit. Or at least not so much bullshit that I don’t pass. Then you (and, more importantly, my wife) will never have to listen to me bitch about school again. I will promptly begin bitching about looking for a job, and then (hopefully fairly quickly) bitching about working.

Gee, everybody sure has their knickers in a knot over Alec Baldwin’s little voicemail to his daughter. Good thing nobody ever recorded some of the things my mom called me (not that I didn’t have it coming, of course). Anyway…

On Press the Meat, will it be all about saving mother earth today? Fuck no. It’s a mass murder kind of day, as Timmy Potatohead hosts Va Tech President Charles Stenger, plus HHS Secretary Michael Leavitt and Education Secretary Margaret Spellings, and retired VA State Police Superintendent Col. Gerald Massengill (I’ll refrain from douche jokes) and the rigid man himself, former DHS Secretary Tom Ridge. Then we’ll talk some Gonzo, Iraq, and SCOTUS at the roundtable, with Presidential Historian Doris Kearns Goodwin, Karl Rove’s rap partner, David Gregory, Newsweek Editor, Imus buddy, and war on Christmas warrior Jon Meacham and NBC News administration shill, Pete “Petey” Williams.

Over on CBS’s Faze the Nation, Bush Buddy Bobby Schieffer hosts Pat Leahy (to talk about what an impressive figure Alberto “VO5” Gonzales is, no doubt), and then Jim and Sarah Brady stop by to tell us what a great thing guns are (and Jim has the hole in his brain to prove it), plus former FBI profiler Gregg McCrary.

Over at Fux News Sunday, Weaselface Wallace gets a little action on the Va Tech tragedy with Virginia Lt. Gov. Bill Bolling (you can tell Fox is slipping when all they rate is a Lt. Gov.), plus GWU President Stephen Trachtenberg. Then it’s Chuck Schumer and – get this – somebody Fox lists as “Arlene Specter.” Oh, Arlen, I don’t think they love you anymore.

Over on the Goebbels network, George Snufalufagus is thrilled, just thrilled to have an EXCLUSIVE! with hypocrite, philanderer, and disgraced former Speaker of the House, Newt Gingrich. Then Curious George goes “On the Trail” with Democratic presidential “candidate” Chris Dodd. Finally, the Axis of Drivel is reunited, as Sam :omg: Donaldson, Cokie “the hag” Roberts and George :jerk: Will sit around the table to tut-tut, tsk-tsk, wink and nod.

Over at CNN, Wolf’s Late Emission consists of a bunch of people who couldn’t get a gig on a real network show, including an example of what’s the matter with Kansas, Sam Brownback, NY Times Bozo, Thomas “My Head is Flat” Friedman, asshole Lanny Davis, and a few other has-beens and never was(s).

Later, on 60 Minutes, you guessed it, we get some Va Tech action as Scott Pelley talks to the authors behind the Secret Service study of assassins, who compare their research to the characteristics of the Virginia Tech shooter, Lara Logan reports on bombs, shootings and long gas lines in Baghdad, and Anderson Cooper reports on how the hip-hop culture’s message not to cooperate with the police in any way has undermined efforts to solve murders across the country (hey, 60 Minutes, you couldn’t find anybody whiter than Anderson Cooper for that story?).

Earth Day? What Earth Day?

And of course at 9:00 eastern time, it’s number 3 of 9 in the final season of the Sopranos. And if anybody out there has Showtime, don’t forget to try and tape tonight’s Dexter for b@b.

Have a good Sunday.

I don’t know about where you live, but in these parts, it’s supposed to be a warm, sunny weekend. Last week, six or eight inches of snow. This week, over 70 and sunny. It’ll be too goddamn hot before you know it.

Update: Well, Granny is now an official granny, as little Violet Marie was born at about 3:30 AM Central time this morning, at 6 pounds 7 ounces. She was a bit anxious to arrive, coming into the world three or so weeks early, so she will be staying in the hospital for 12 – 48 hours, but mom and daughter are apparently otherwise doing well.

I kinda thought when the stories came out about Gonzo doing such a shitty job prepping for yesterday’s testimony, it was just one of those “lowering expectation” games. Obviously not. He may be a consummate suck-up, but he sure as hell isn’t any good at thinking on his feet (or on his ass). They obviously told him, “look, just fucking say you don’t recall.” He got that one down, at least. It’ll be interesting to see if the petulant little boy king cuts him loose or not. Big Al would probably be happy to just go home and spend more time with his family at this point, but I don’t think dubya and his boy Rove can afford an honest person in that position – and there’s no more rubber stamp for Senate confirmation anymore.

Otherwise, I need everyone to concentrate and send their energy my way into my winning the lottery (preferably the mega millions tonight, but I’m willing to settle for the NYS lotto drawing tomorrow) so that I can drop out of school. Some would say it would be a shame to get this close and drop out, but I say “balderdash,” and that there’s no better time than right now. I promise to do good things with my winnings, like launching a true progressive radio station that won’t put on some libertarian schmuck in the pursuit of “ratings,” and of course building an earth sheltered home on several hundred acres of land where seditionists are free to hang out. I’ll also buy up all of the melamine in the world, and personally shove it down the throats of the people who decided to add it to pet food.

So, does big Al finally get to go to Congress and straighten everything out today? I certainly hope so, though I really won’t be able to (or at least shouldn’t) pay attention, since I have way too much shit to do. Sounds like Harry Reid has taken about all the crap he intends to take from our petulant little boy king, too. Well, good for you Harry. Even if I don’t always like where he stands on some things, he at least seems to have a bit of a spine. The liberal media is gonna crucify him, so let’s hope we the people stand up and support him.

Don’t have much to say, as my brain appears to be totally empty. I mean, even more empty than usual. I think it’s because I haven’t had Sam Seder to listen to in the morning. It’s making me stupid(er). Quick, somebody write something cool and interesting.

Oh, and Mark Green sucks.

This is a special dedication request, from George to Condi. xoxoxxx

Gonzo goes to hides from Congress today. Should be enlightening.

I expect to get a lot done today, particularly between the hours of nine and noon, Eastern Time. Unless they actually put somebody interesting on as a guest host. Maybe they’ll just have the Turds do six hours. Well, I suppose I should go look out the window and see if we really got all that snow they were threatening us with. If we really got a foot of wet, heavy snow last night, I’l have to wake up da wife and get her crackin’ with the shovel.

Here goes, another edition of the talking heads. How they manage to be heard with their heads so far up their asses is beyond me. But anyways….

On Press the Meat, Timmy Potatohead hosts Retired Gen. Anthony Zinni (on to say “I told you so,”) and then it’s a roundtable on (among other things) Don Imus, with the nappy-headed ho from the NY Times, David Brooks, Gwen “The Cleaning Lady” Ifill, WSJ and CNBC stooge, John Harwood, and Eugene Robinson from the WaPost.

Over at CBS, Bush Buddy Bobby Schieffer hosts the Sultan of Snarl himself, Darth Cheney. Hey, Dick, go fuck yourself. This promises to be one vewy, vewy, scary half hour, indeed.

On Fux News Sunday, weaselface Wallace hosts Senator Carl Levin and that snivelling little bitch from South Carolina, Lil’ Lindsey Graham. Plus, Al Sharpton takes a victory lap on the corpse of Don Imus. Time to start working on the rest of these racist, homophobic, evil pieces of shit, Al.

At the Goebells network, George Snufalufagus hosts Bill Richardson (who is the only presidential candidate that doesn’t look like the Keebler^® Elf who’s called for a complete withdrawal of all US forces from Iraq), PA Republican Arlen “all hat, no cattle” Specter, and, um, Rich Little? Damn, I guess he’s ready for a comeback tour. Then at the roundtable, it’s little Robbie Reich, former pentagon spokesbitch and Mary Matalin BFF, Torie Clarke, political genius Donna Brazile, and Bill Buckley wannabe, George :jerk: Will.

Wolf Blitzer serves up a Late Emission which includes Jim Webb, the evil of two lessers in Arizona, Jon “Krazy” Kyl, Former NO Mayor, Marc Morial, Amy Holmes (who used to score cats for Bill Frist), Marian Wright Edelman, president of the Children’s Defense Fund, the Prince of Darkness, Richard Perle, John “husband of the hag” Roberts, and Ted’s little girl, Andrea Koppel.

Later, on 60 Minutes, Lesley Stahl asks the Duke Lacrosse players if being exonerated is better than being indicted, plus she’ll talk to North Carolina Attorney General Roy A. Cooper. Then, Mike “father of weaselface” Wallace profiled Don Imus a decade ago. Was he just as big an asshole then as he is now? Tune in to see. Plus, Bob Simon goes to a prison where inmates serving long sentences are getting a college education courtesy of Bard College.

I think I may skip the boobleheads this week (for a change), and get to work doing my taxes. Sure, they’re not due to until Tuesday, but I’m not one to put things off. Enjoy your Sunday.

Oh, by the way, looks like some interesting weather headed up and down the east coast, so everybody stay safe. And if we’re all out of commission, you folks in the rest of the world will just have to pick up the slack. And somebody go find Fred, will ya?