Somebody though it wold be a good idea to have fireworks that went on for what seemed like hours at about two o’clock this morning. The dogs did not concur, which of course meant that there would be no sleep for me last night. My guess is that today is “Dolphy Day” at Lemoyne College (fun fact: although Lemoyne’s mascot is a dolphin, Dolphy Day has nothing to do with it – it’s named for Jazz great Eric Dolphy), the start of which is kept a secret until it starts in the middle of the night with fireworks, ushering in a day of drunken revelry and the skipping of classes. Or the cancellation of classes, since the school’s administration long ago realized that if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em, and turned the unofficial “holiday” into an official one. Say what you want about the Jesuits, they’re usually pretty smart (and not opposed to a good party). I’m not opposed to a good party myself, but I’m pretty sick and frickin’ tired of the damn fireworks in the middle of the night. Some of us have to go to work in the morning.

Folks are all up in arms in these parts due to the fact that all the “good” tickets were pre-sold for the upcoming Rush concert in September. I know what you’re thinking: why would people want to see Rush Limbaugh in concert? No, it’s not that Rush, but the Canadian three-man rock and roll band. And, yes, apparently they are still alive. There will be an awful lot of geezers in the fairgrounds grandstands in September, that’s for sure. As for me, I saw Rush about 30 years ago (as I recall, Molly Hatchet was the warm-up band, but I could be wrong, ‘cuz I may have been just a little wasted at the time), and that was pretty much enough to tide me over for the rest of my life. I do like the line from “Tom Sawyer” that goes, “no his mind is not for rent to any god or government,” though.

That’s how I know they have nothing to do with Limbaugh, whose mind (and the minds of his followers, such as they are) is most certainly for rent, sale, or long-term lease.

Speaking of rush, I reckon I ought to, ‘cuz it’s about that time.

Today’s the anniversary of the Oklahoma City bombing, which led to the racial profiling of clean-cut white guys. Well, not really. White guys can still do pretty much whatever they want (often with the praise of teabaggers and Republicans), whether it’s flying an airplane into a building (as long as it’s an IRS building), shooting a doctor at church, or screwing people out of billions of dollars. It’s also the anniversary of Waco, which of course led to Republicans and the ancestors of teabaggers to praise the illegal stockpiling of weapons (as long as that stockpiling is done by white guys, of course).

The brave Republicans are goose-stepping in unison in opposition of Financial Reform. This despite Barack “I’ll never learn” Obama making a major concession in hopes of getting GOP support. Whatever. I can’t decide which bunch I’m more tired of. All of them, I guess.

Speaking of tired, it’s Monday again, and I’m beat. If I didn’t have to go to work today, I’d be in Boston running the marathon. Bummer. Maybe I can find an XBox version.

On Press the Meat – Timmy Geithner and a roundtable of Gov. Ed Rendell (D-PA), Rep. Marsha Blackburn (R-TN), National Journal’s Ron Brownstein, and Telemundo’s Jose Diaz-Balart.

Faze the Nation has Senator Scott Brown of Massachusetts.

On Fux News Sunday, Weaselface Wallace has former maverick St. John McCain and Gen. Ray Odierno, top U.S. commander in Iraq.

At the Goebbels networks, it’s the Big Dog, Bill Clinton, and a roundtable of George :jerk: Will, Donna Brazile, Al Hunt and the global warming denying WSJ hack, Kim Strassel.

Over at CNN Fareed Zakaria has a conversation with the Foreign Minister of Poland (aka, the guy who wasn’ton that plane), plus the man who effectively oversees the global financial system (who is that? I guess you’ll have to watch to find out), and a debate over the Obama administration’s approach toward the Israeli-Palestinian peace process.

And, finally, happy belated birthday to Soupy’s granddaughter. Hard to believe she’s 8 years old already.

A 24-yr old woman from Manchester is claiming that falling off her Wii has turned her into a sex addict.

Randy Amanda Flowers needs 10 sex sessions a day after the slip-up.

And now the slightest of vibrations, from mobile phones to food processors, turns her on.

The catering worker said: “It began as a twinge down below before surging through my body. Sometimes it built up into a trembling orgasm.”

I don’t have a Wii ‘cuz it isn’t HD, but now I’m thinking it would make a nice birthday present for my wife. An early present, at that. And maybe we could host an exchange student from England, too.

Sad news this morning. Porn star Stormy Daniels has decided not to run against David Vitter for US Senate in Louisiana. As the reason, she cited her inability to compete with Vitter’s $5 million “war chest.” Too bad. You’d think she could raise the money somehow.

One of these two guys is stoned. Can you tell which?

Oh well, off to work.

OK, this is it. If you haven’t gotten your taxes filed, you have until midnight tonight to get ‘er done. Or at least file for an extension. Or just blow it off, and hope they forget about you. If you’re old enough, are permanently disabled, or are a corporation operating out of the Cayman Islands, you can even join the teabag movement and tell Obama to keep his Kenyan hands off your government handout.

The feds are claiming that former Illinois Gov Rowdy Roddy Blagojevich tried to get his wife a State job, despite the fact that she was less than qualified for it. Hey, that’s called taking care of your family, and I thought family values were important. Besides, if they start imposing “qualification” requirements on State jobs, we’ll have to fire the entire New York State legislature.

Speaking of wives, I know we all thought this would be the one, but, sadly, Larry King and wife number seven are getting a divorce (fun fact: seven wives, but eight divorces; some dummy married him twice). His soon-to-be former wife is apparently alleging that old Lar’ had an affair – with her sister (though the sister is denying it; god knows I’d certainly deny having sex with him). I’ve never been a big King fan, but you have to give him credit. For somebody that looks like a dried up old frog, he certainly seems to do pretty well with the ladies. Go figure.

Sometimes I really wonder about you women.

Not a lot of time to try and think of something to write this morning, since I’ve been squandering time reading about SU’s last second, come from behind 8-7 lacrosse win over Cornell last night (a bit of a rematch of last year’s NCAA title game, where SU stormed back to tie the game in regulation and then win in OT). But I wont mention it, since nobody but me really cares. If, however, you were wondering why Sarah Palin quit halfway through her single term as Governor of Alaska (and why teabaggers consider a quitter to be their hero), here’s about 12 million good reasons (for the first part; I still have no idea what the teabaggers see in her – and don’t tell me it’s ‘cuz she’s “hot,” ‘cuz she aint no Tina Fey).

And if you’re gonna pay her to speak to your organization (why?), thanks to some college kids in Sacramento who pulled a copy of her “confidential” rider out of the garbage before it could be shredded, you can get an idea of what you’ll need to do to get here there [pdf]. Aside from her speaking fee, her rider requires (among many other things) bottled water and bendy straws, first-class airfare (or a Lear 60 or larger for West Coast events, or a Hawker 800 or larger for East Coast events, and three hotel rooms (a suite and two singles – and no flea bags, either). Oh, and keep the dirty little autograph hounds away, too (autographs are extra).

Speaking of that piece of crap Sarah Palin, you may have heard that the Discovery Channel is planning on giving this wolf-killing, global climate change denying “drill baby drill” mouth-breathing moron has no place in the Discovery Communications lineup, you can sign this petition (for what it’s worth).

Although nobody but reporters are asking, Amy Klobuchar says she won’t accept a nomination to the Supreme Court. I’d like to use this space to declare that I, too, will not seek a SCOTUS nomination, nor, if nominated, will I attend confirmation hearings or meet with any Senators (except maybe the Vermont delegation, ‘cuz I like Boynie Sanduhs, and Pat Leahy’s a deadhead, so he’s cool). If confirmed, however….

Over $200,000 a year and a guaranteed job for life? Damn right I’ll serve. I may not be a lawyer (let alone a judge), but, based on recent opinions, I think I have a better grasp of the Constitution than Fat Tony Scalia, Sammy Scalito, Johnny “I’m so shocked that Obama criticized our shitty decision” Roberts, or Clarence the Crosseyed pervert uncle Thomas.

Well, time’s-a-wastin’ here, so I reckon I’d better fire up the Hawker and get to work.

So, the Tea Bag Express rolled through town yesterday, with a rally featuring Jimmy Labriola, famous for, um, well, according to the “news” story, he was in ‘Home Improvement,’ and has-been who never really was, Victoria Jackson, famous for being (or at least pretending to be) really f*cking stupid. There was also a counter-rally of non-teabaggers. This is all in anticipation of National Tea Bag Day, which takes place on Thursday, April 15.

Speaking of April 15, I did my taxes yesterday, making this two years in a row I’ve done them ahead of time. I’d also intended to pay the property taxes on 10 acres of land I bought a few years ago in hopes of building an earth-sheltered home (it’s more or less the side of a hill with lots of trees on it), which were due back in February. Turns out, I actually paid them on time for once, much to my surprise.

Unlike tea baggers, I don’t mind paying my taxes. I’m not thrilled with everything the Government uses them for, of course, but for the most part, I have it pretty good (not as good as the rich people, who hate paying taxes), and am relatively happy to chip in my share. I mean, I pretty much use the roads and highways and all that, and, while I have no kids, I used to be one, so I guess it’s only right that we educate them. Besides, it keeps the little bastids off the streets.

Also unlike tea baggers, I have no problem with the wealthiest people ponying up a few more bucks. I figure the more you make over the bare minimum it takes to survive (whatever that amount may be), the more you can afford to pay. And it’s only fair, since you get better access to health care, the political system, the legal system, and every other damn thing out there in our “Capital is King” society. Plus you’ll never need to watch them pull your loved-one’s lifeless body from a non-union coal mine that should have been closed down a few hundred violations ago.

Move over, iPad; the wePad is coming. Oh, I’m sure it’s not as “cool” as the iPad, but it runs on an open source operating system (Android), has 2 USB ports, a multi format card reader, a webcam, comes with a full office suite, and will run any apps that can run on Android – including Flash. Plus, the name of the guy that founded the company that’s making it is Helmut Hoffer von Ankershoffen. You can’t beat that.

Oh well, off to be a good little citizen taxpayer.

The teabaggers are coming to town today, and are slated to hold a rally at about four o’clock this afternoon. No word on whether the dynamic duo of Sarah and Michelle will be here, but I kind of doubt it. We’re not nearly important enough for such auspicious company. We’re apparently good enough for the NY Jets, though, who are expected to announce that they’ll hold their training camp here in Cortland again. It worked out pretty well last year, so what the heck. If you don’t want outside distractions, we’re your venue.

Once again, KFC’s “Double Down” sandwich (bacon and cheese on a chicken bun) has ruffled feathers (so to speak). It’s not my idea of Haute Cuisine either, but, geez, if people want to eat it, that’s their deal. And if you want a “healthy” choice, word has it you can get a grilled chicken “bun” instead of a fried one. Add a side of potato salad and a chocolate milkshake, and you’ve got the perfect breakfast. There’s even a KFC right on the way to work.

Speaking of work, yeah, it’s back to it again. Weekends are too damn short.

SecDef Bob Gates and SecState Hillary Clinton will be hitting the shows this morning, appearing on CBS’s “Faze the Nation,” NBC’s “Press the Meat” and the Goebbels network’s “This Weak.”

Press the Meat also has Patrick Leahy and Jefferson Beauregard Session IIIs, plus a roundtable of empty suit David Brooks, Harold “thank god I don’t have to go north of Westchester anymore” Ford Jr., WaPost columnist Kathleen Parker, and David Sanger.

“Fux News Sunday” has a typically fair and balanced show, as Weaseface Wallace interviews Joey Lieberman, Tennessee cracker Lamar Alexander, and the fairly unbalanced Michelle Bachmann, the pride of Minnesota.

This Weak also has Senate Judiciary Committee members Chuck Schumer and Krazy Jon Kyl, on to talk about SCOTUS, no doubt.

At CNN, Fareed Zakaria wants to know if Hamid Karzai is on drugs, and he’ll ask Peter Galbraith. Plus, Fareed has the Editor of Time Magazine, a Pulitzer prize-winning historian, Reuters’ global editor-at-large, and the newest and youngest columnist for the New York Times on to debate the future of Western conservatism.

Or you can just watch the Masters.