Well, I’m not much for going to funerals, but I sure woulda liked to’ve been sittin’ next to dubya yesterday, watching him squirm. Of course the Bush apologists are all over it, saying “those people” don’t know how to behave themselves. Well, fuck all you Hannitys and Limbaughs and O’Reillys and Matthews and whatever other wingnut assholes are out there that are so offended by the truth, and the people who have the balls to speak it.

Maybe if your boy hadn’t had all his events managed and sanitized for the past five years, we wouldn’t be in the goddamn mess we’re in today. I just wish some of it would sink into that ventriloquist’s dummy head of his, but I reckon that’s about as likely as Danny Goldberg learning how to run a radio station.

Gee, things are going great.

First, we have a wonderful Attorney General like Alberto Gonzalez to make sure our laws are upheld. As Jimmy Carter said:

Obviously, the attorney general who said it’s all right to torture prisoners and so forth is going to support the person who put him in office. But he’s a very partisan attorney general and there’s no doubt that he would say that,” Carter said. “I hope that eventually the case will go to the Supreme Court. I have no doubt that when it’s over, the Supreme Court will rule that Bush has violated the law.”

Meanwhile, in New Orleans, The US Governement can’t do anything to help, so Mayor Ray Nagin is looking to foreign countries like Jordan and France for a helping hand. Talk about ignominious. :no:

Oops! Revote today, since there were more votes than voters on Diebold machines in Ohio. Shocking! :omg:

Oh, well, plenty more where that came from.

Happy Waitangi Day, everybody. Well, except for you Maori seditionistas out there. To you, I say: Kia awhinatia mai te kaupapa nei! I think.

Or, as my wife will no doubt say, “oh, is that today?”

Anyhow, like most regular Americans, I didn’t get much sleep last night, because I was tossing and turning over the sad news that Sheryl Crow and Lance Armstrong have broken up (all she wanted to do was have some fun :hubba:).

Isn’t there anything out there to help us get some sleep…? :billcat:

Yes! It’s the Sunday talking head shows! This week’s theme: Republicans only.

First, on Press the Meat, Timmy “Potoatohead” Russet shows us his Boehner, and then Arlen Specter drops by to show us that, other than doing whatever the Kristian Konservatives want him to do, he’s a true moderate. Oh, and some asshole from the Wall Street Journal will be there, too.

Faze the Nation will discuss how spying on Americans is actually a good thing, and then recap our bold leader’s glorious SOTU address (or is that, our glorius leader’s bold SOTU address?), with Alabama Senator Jefferson Beau “I say” Beauregard Sessions III (who wanted to capitalize on Hurricane Katrina to rejuvenate his bill to premanently repeal the estate tax, passionately opposed John McCain’s anti-torture amendment – and now supports Dick Cheney’s proposal to exempt the CIA from the torture ban – unsuccessfully prosecuted three civil rights workers on bullshit charges of voter fraud- they were acquitted in four hours – and once labeled the NAACP and ACLU as “un-American,” and “Communist-inspired,” saying they “forced civil rights down the throats of people.”), and Senator Pat Leahy. Hey, how’d Leahy get on? Didn’t Schieffer get the memo? They’ll also have David “Asshole” Brooks from the NY Times, and Karen Tumulty, from Time.

This Week, George Snufalufagus has Ken “I’m not gay” Mehlman on to tell us that Republicans aren’t really a bunch of amoral, unethical, corrupt criminals, and, even if they are, the Democrats are too, so there. Plus, Gen. Michael “Elmer J. Fudd” Hayden will be on to tell us how he plans to lie to the Senate Judiciary Committee on the domestic spying program he designed at the NSA when hearings begin on Monday. Oh, and Olympic gymnast Dominique Dawes will be on because apparently there’s nothing important happening in the world. And of course there’s always ABC’s axis of drivel, Sam Donaldson, Cokie Roberts and George Will.

Fux News Sunday with Chris “Oedipus Wrecks” Wallace does the big work (as usual), investigating whether the outing of the NSA spying program helped the terrorists. Then they, too, pull a Boehner, trot out Gen. Elmer Hayden on to work on his lies some more, and then Surgeon General Richard “Who?” Carmona will be on to tell us, um, whatever.

If you’re still awake after all that, I suggest you start drinking heavily. :alc:

Hey, is anybody going to see Marc at the Paramount in Aurora, IL tonight? Looks like a great place to see a show – any show.

Well, if you do go, tell him everybody here says “hey,” and we’d sure like to know how long his show’s gonna be, and when and where it’ll be on. And if he knows why this information seems to be a better kept secret than the undisclosed location of Dick Cheney’s crypt, we’d like to know that, too.

Well, it’s been quite a week, hasn’t it? All but 23 Democrats (I’m not counting Obama and Biden) stabbed us on the back on Monday. Scalito was crowned on Tuesday morning, after which freedom of speech (or at least freedom of t-shirt) was officially outlawed, and dubya gave a eunuch’s version of the SOTU address, boldly pledging to “form a commission,” and officially denouncing Rick Santorum’s attempts to cross-breed with a schnauzer.

Wednesday saw the Capitol Police saying “oops” about the whole t-shirt thing, but at least everybody was treated equally (Bill Young’s wife was asked to leave, and Cindy Sheehan was given the bum’s rush out the door, handcuffed, thrown in the hoosegow, and charged with a crime).

On Thursday, Bush said he was just kidding in the SOTU when he said he would “replace more than 75 percent of our oil imports from the Middle East by 2025.” Later on that day, Republicans pulled a Boehner, and, in a tough new approach to ethics reform, voted to ban former members of Congress from the House gym. Over at Gobbler’s Knob – insert Monica Lewinsky joke here – Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow, presumably indicating that we will have six more weeks of unseasonably warm weather.

What joys will Friday bring?

I’m pretty sure that human-animal hybrids get better gas mileage, so I don’t know what all the fuss is about. I wonder if we can enlist Bill O’Reilly and John Gibson in the fight against the War on Chimeras?

I’ve got my eye on this cute little half-woman/half-dog (at least, I think that’s what she is) myself. You gotta love those, um, puppies of hers.

I don’t know who the White House entertainment coordinator is, but let’s hope they don’t let Bush trip and watch The Island of Doctor Moreau again. God help us if he gets hold of Doctor Strangelove.

Well, if you’re like me, the Führ– er, I mean, President’s speech was just so rousing (dare I say, a-rousing?) that you couldn’t get to sleep last night. I dunno ’bout you, but I just think he’s dreamy. Anyhow, for those who just can’t get enough of that bush, this thread’s for you.