I don’t really buy into all this bird flu panic shit (unless they’re planning on releasing something around election time to kill a bunch of us and invoke marital law under a “health emergency”), but it’s nice to know that the Bush Administration has the best minds working on a solution, just in case.

Here’s Health and Human Sevices Secretary Mike Leavitt’s plan for the avian flu:

“When you go to the store and buy three cans of tuna fish, buy a fourth and put it under the bed,” Leavitt said. “When you go to the store to buy some milk, pick up a box of powdered milk, put it under the bed. When you do that for a period of four to six months, you are going to have a couple of weeks of food. And that’s what we’re talking about.”

Hey, Mike, I’m on it. I’ll keep my canned tuna handy, right next to my duct tape, and my two boxes of “emergency” wine. Bill Frist would probably suggest we grab an extra cat or two from the shelter, too. If you don’t need to eat ’em, you can always pick up a copy of “So, You Want to be a Surgeon” and get a little practice in.

The Chimp’s gonna be in my neck of the woods today, as he flies in to Rochester, and heads off to the Canandaigua Academy, apparently to try and sell his prescription drug plan to senior citizens. Yo, dubya, just tell ’em to stash a couple extra cans of cat food under their beds. Who meeds medicine?