So, tell me again, why is it controversial for the President of the United States to give a back to school pep talk to the nation’s kids? Oh, that’s right. To paraphrase Gabby Johnson from Blazing Saddles, “the President’s a nig….”

Really, who can blame parents for being upset? After all, show some respect to a black man who’s acting all presidential and in-charge and shit, and the next thing you know, them people will start thinking they’re as good as we are, and we can’t have that, can we (while watching a civil rights march on the teevee once, my grandmother muttered bitterly, “look at ’em. They actually think they’re as good as weare”)? Good thing she’s been dead for thirty-five years, or this Obama thing would have killed her. Well, that and she’d be like 120 years old.

Somebody better double Pickles Bush’s Thorazine prescription though, ‘cuz she doesn’t appear to be with the plan.

You know, you really gotta hate this government run health care, rationing access to doctors and treatment and stuff. I mean, here’s just one disgusting example:

“They said I never mentioned I had a back problem,” said Marrari, 52, whose coverage…was abruptly canceled in 2006 after a thyroid disorder, fluid in the heart and lupus were diagnosed. That left the Los Angeles woman with $25,000 in medical bills and the stigma…that she had committed fraud by not listing on a health questionnaire “preexisting conditions” Marrari said she did not know she had.

By the time she filed a lawsuit in 2008, she also got a diagnosis of pancreatic cancer and her debts had swelled beyond $200,000.

And another, as the evil government death panels

…searched in vain for an inconsistency in the health records of the wife of a dairy farmer after she filed a claim for emergency gallbladder surgery, according to attorneys for the family. Turning to her husband’s questionnaire, the company discovered he had not mentioned his high cholesterol and dropped them both.

Then there’s Yvette Thomassian, who

lost her…policy because she did not declare a deviated septum. She questioned why a common misalignment of the nostrils would disqualify anyone but emphasized that her doctor never clearly indicated she had the condition. They spoke Armenian in the exam room, she said, where the physician’s words were “You have a bone in your nose.”

“It’s been three years of hell,” said Thomassian, whose suit over the $31,000 in bills is scheduled for trial in January.

And

[f]or Teresa Dietrich, it was fibroids. The Northern California real estate agent was left to pay $19,000 after Blue Cross said she did not disclose a diagnosis of the benign uterine tumors. But Dietrich said the doctor who had written “fibroids” on her medical record never mentioned his suspicions to her. The bills destroyed her credit and cost her her home — and, in a comically cruel twist, the surgery proved the doctor was wrong.

“They said I had a condition I didn’t even have,” Dietrich said. “And they canceled me.”

Shameful. Ignominious. We can’t let the damn government keep getting away with this shit!

Oh, wait. Those weren’t examples of government-run socialized medicine running amok. Those were just a handful of examples of private health insurers boosting profits by frivolously canceling policies (in testimony before a House subcommittee this summer, executives from just three insurance companies admitted they’d saved $300 million by canceling 20,000 policies over five years). Imagine what they’re not admitting to!

Well, hell, why didn’t you say so? As long as it was in the name of profits, it’s a good thing.

Just keep that goddamn you-know-what the hell away from my kids.

Back to work for most folks today, so I’ll leave you with a few of the terrifying words from the President’s upcoming socialist indoctrination of the nation’s sweet, innocent, (ironic that Omen IV: The Awakening – a spectacularly crappy made-for-teevee movie – is on HBO as I write this) impressionable children today:

“So today, I want to ask you, what’s your contribution going to be? What problems are you going to solve? What discoveries will you make? What will a president who comes here in twenty or fifty or one hundred years say about what all of you did for this country?”

As for me, I took today off, so I think my contribution will be doing my laundry, grouting my kitchen counter back splash, and taking the dogs to the park.