Another week winds its way to an end. And what a week it’s been. We had the release of the best phone ever (as long as you don’t hold it in your hand; personally, I’m lusting after the Droid X, which will not only not be tied to ATT, but will also run Android 2.2 and Flash Player 10.1, and, of course, is open source and not subject to the heavy thumb of Apple), had the General in charge of Afghanistan get fired (gee, I hope things don’t start to go badly for us there), and we got to see Weds Johnson and Jonny Flynn get reunited (which makes us happy here, even if the Minnesota fans don’t seem to happy about it). Of course, the best part of this week was getting my USB plasma ball yesterday. And today, my “Your Mom Sells Weed” t-shirt from Showtime should be coming.

The dogs and I will be bach’ing it for a couple of weeks, starting tomorrow, as Granny heads off Minneapolis. It would be nice if she’d take the cats with her so I didn’t have to clean the litter box, but I figure if I don’t feed ’em, I shouldn’t have much to clean.

This weekend is Jazzfest, too! I only wish I had time to go, but, sadly, I don’t.

Oh well, time to get this week over with.

Big, huge, enormous, tremendous, outrageous day today, as Apple releases the best thing ever in the whole wide world: the iPhone 4g. The 4g will do all the things that the old, crappy ones should have done in the first place (not Flash, though; f*ck you, Adobe!), so if you have the old iPhone, you officially now own a piece of shit that you should be ashamed to seen using in public. Yep, yesterday you thought you were cool as you sat down at Starbucks with your $5 cup of shitty coffee, whipped out your iPhone, and downloaded your free Frappuccino® Beverage Music mix on iTunes. Today? Meh. You’re just another loser who might as well be using a CB radio.

It may seem kind of unfair that your old iPhone became obsolete before your two-year commitment was even up, but, well, that’s the price you pay if you wanna be the coolest kid on the block. Not to worry though, that smug, snotty son-of-a-bitch over in the corner trying to look like he’s not trying to be noticed with his new phone as he sips his nonfat milk and sugar-free vanilla Caramel Macchiato and nibbles his Chocolate Chunk Cookie will be in the same boat by next Christmas, when the next bestest thing ever comes out.

The other big news today, of course, is the NBA draft. The only thing any real basketball fan cares about is who Wes Johnson gets picked by. We’re kind of hoping for a reunion with Jonny Flynn out in Minnesota as the #4 pick (thereby making the T-Wolves my official favorite NBA team, dropping the Denver Nuggets into the #2 spot) , but the NJ Nets have been making some noise about taking him at #3, and even Doug Collins of the Sixers made a little noise about taking him at #2 (Philadelphia is my sentimental NBA favorite, since, as we all know, they were originally the Syracuse Nationals). Around these parts, we’re also hoping that Andy Rautins gets picked up by somebody in the second round.

The world’s longest tennis match ever continues at Wimbledon today, as John Isner and Nicolas Mahut pick up where they left off yesterday – tied at 59 games apiece in the fifth set. I hope they keep going for a few more days. They might wanna re-think that whole “you gotta win by two games” thing, though.

Good thing you don’t have to win by two in soccer, or you’d never know how long those damn matches would last. Come to think of it, you don’t actually know when they’ll end now. I mean, they have a clock, so you’d think that when time runs out, the game would be over. But the referees apparently keep some sort of double-secret extra time clock, and only they know when the damn thing will end (personally, I think they make that shit up).

But, despite getting screwed out of yet another goal yesterday, the American team managed to not only win their match against whoever the hell they were playing, but win their division or unit or whatever the heck it is they call it. So, they get a better draw in round two. Or something. I don’t know. I admit to not really following (or even caring about) soccer or the World Cup, but, hey, any excuse for a little jingoism, right? So, “USA! USA! USA!” and all that.

Speaking of jingoism, despite the weirdness with McChrystal yesterday, I think we’re all really, really excited to have Petraeus in charge of Afghanistan. I think that, ‘cuz that’s what they told me on the teevee. He’s gonna bring the ‘success’ he had in Iraq over to Afghanistan. Li’l Lindsey Graham (who I think has a man crush on the good General; Lindsey was all dewy-eyed and aquiver when he spoke, and his mascara was kinda running) says Petraeus is our “best hope” to make things right. God bless you, General, and God bless the United States of America.

Speaking of the good old US of A, Homeland Security is going to start using unmanned (but will they be unarmed?) drones to patrol the border. If you’re kinda Mexican looking and you’re down that way, I suggest you tape your birth certificate to the top of your hat so they can read it as they fly over. Otherwise you might get a Hellfire missile or two tossed your way. Oh, and if Afghanistan is any indication, I wouldn’t be having any wedding parties near the border. Could ruin your special day.

Speaking of ruining the day, I have to go ruin mine by going to work.

A cheery little story from my neck of the woods yesterday. NY State Troopers responded to a 911 call from a house (OK, well, a trailer) in the Town of Vienna (which is about 20 miles north of Wampsville, in case you were wondering). There, they found some 21-yr old kid named Adam Theall holding his 3-month old son (with another 1-yr old son inside) and a shotgun, threatening to kill the kid if the police responded. When the troopers got out of their vehicle, guess what? He killed the kid. I’m not sure what’s left of a three month old baby when you shoot him with a shotgun, but I reckon it aint much. I hope to never find out for myself.

Anyhow, then Theall turned the gun on the Troopers, who, not surprisingly, shot the bastard (though they didn’t manage to kill him). He was airlifted to the hospital I work for (doesn’t seem worth the expense, what with our budget woes here in NY), where he’s in critical condition.

Maybe he’ll find Jesus in prison.

Speaking of the budget, our Governor says Monday is the deadline for the legislature to have a budget in place, or he’ll use the next emergency spending bill to impose one. Governor Paterson stated:

“Maybe somebody thinks I’m playing around. Maybe someone thinks this is a game. … But let me just say: That budget is going to get passed Monday.”

In a sign of just how much respect the Guv gets (here’s a hint; it’s about as much as Stanley McChrstal has for both the President and Vice President of the United States) – not just from the legislature, but even from within his own party – Manhattan Democrat and Assembly Speaker Sheldon Silver responded with:

“There is no deadline. April 1 was the deadline.”

Lest you think we have a bunch of do-nothing slackers running the State, I feel obliged to point out a spectacular bipartisan legislative success.

The state Senate voted unanimously Tuesday to ban using embalming fluid as a recreational drug.

By a 61-0 vote, senators voted to make it a misdemeanor to possess embalming with the intent to inhale it, ingest it or sell it to someone to do so.
[…]
Embalming fluid is combined with the hallucinogen phencyclidine, also known as PCP, and used to coat marijuana cigarettes….

Took a lot of guts, but they managed to ram that one through.

Speaking of ramming through, it’s time for me to get ready to try and ram myself through another day. It’s getting harder and harder.

I guess I can’t put it off any longer, so it’s back to work today. Not that I haven’t been working all weekend, of course. Construction is more or less complete, though, so it’s down to filling in nail holes, sanding, and painting. Hopefully before the cats have a chance to puke on everything too much. I really hate the thought of going back to work today. I’m really getting tired of it – it just screws up my whole damn day.

An emergency spending bill passed yesterday (late, not surprisingly, meaning pay for state workers will be at least a day late next week). The NY State budget is now 183 days late, with no resolution in sight. I think they should just start working on next year’s budget.

Speaking of days, it’s, what, 64 days of the Gulf oil leak? They say the rate is 60,000 barrels of oil a day, and, at 42 gallons to an oil barrel (why isn’t it 55?), that’s over 2.5 million gallons and counting. And who knows how many gallons of toxic dispersant used to try and hide it. Makes me glad I live up her in the hinterlands, where all we get is a little snow once in a while (and whatever acid rain falls, courtesy of our neighbors in the Midwest). Oh, and if you’re on a well and happen to live near where they’ve done some hydrofracking, you might be able to set your tap water on fire. But they actually decided to pretty much outlaw that up here. Funny, nobody seemed to complain about the dirty gubberment interfering with the right to make your water flammable. Fortunately, there’s a loophole that exempts it from the Clean Water Act.

Speaking of hydrofacking, ‘Gasland‘ premieres on HBO tonight. Make sure you watch it before you smoke around your sink.

Smoking in NY State will cost you, though, even if your water doesn’t catch on fire. As part of the last spending bill, they’ve added an additional $1.60 a pack tax on cigarettes beginning July 1st. That make this the most expensive state to buy cigarettes in (an average of $9.20 a pack). Holy crap, I thought it was bad when they hit a buck a pack in a machine. I’m sure glad I quit back, oh, must be close to 15 years ago.

Oh well, time to fly. If you don’t watch True Blood, you won’t get this. But if you do, it’s pretty gosh darn funny. Apparently Snoop is a big fan of the Sookie, too.

OK, actually summer in suburbs. We don’t really have much of a city around here (which is okay by me). But, wherever you’re at, if you live north of the equator, summer will be here at about 7:30, my time. So enjoy the longest day of the year, ‘cuz tomorrow the days start getting shorter. I say we double down and set the clocks ahead another hour. Not today, though, ‘cuz I decided to take today off. Lets do it at noon tomorrow instead.

So, did you hear about the 8-yr old kid in Rhode Island who glued a bunch of toy soldiers to a hat as some sort of “patriotic” school project theme? Apparently, the tiny little plastic soldiers violated the school’s ‘zero tolerance’ weapons policy because they carry little tiny guns. Of course, they’re not friggin’ guns, they’re little time pieces of pointy plastic. Are we really this stupid? Really? It’s not quite as stupid as strip searching a girl on suspicion of Ibuprofen (thanks again, Arizona), but it’s still pretty stupid.

I was looking up ‘spitz’ for some reason this morning (not quite sure why). Near the top of the results was a listing for “Spitz Restaurant – Home of the Döner Kebab”, and right underneath that were image search result thumbnails showing a bunch of Spitz dogs. At first, I thought it was a menu (I was afraid Döner was some kind of dog, but fortunately it turns out to be kind of the Turkish equivalent of a Gyro, which, I suppose, could be dog, now that I think about it). Döner Kebab also sounds like something they do when they don’t get the transplant organs to the recipient in time. That’s why they use those little picnic coolers.

Anyhow, there was also a link to the website of somebody I haven’t though about in a long time – Mark Spitz.

Mark’s site caught my eye, because it says,

Mark Spitz, most notable athlete of all-time, is synonymous with excellence.

Really? Most notable athlete of all time? And most humble, too. I mean, don’t get me wrong – the seven gold medals were great, Mark. But, hey, it’s swimming. You know where you go from there? The motivational speaking circuit, apparently. Hell, I wouldn’t even rate Spitz the most notable Jewish athlete of all time (personally, I’d go with Dolph Schayes, but you could probably make a pretty strong case for Sandy Koufax or Max Baer – Jethro’s dad, the boxer).

Oh well, time to get back to work on the living room.

Still a lot of work to do around here, so there’s only time for a quick look at today’s talking schmucks.

Press the Meat has Governor Oily Barbour, DINO Mary Landrieu, Ed Markey, former Shell Oil President John Hofmeister, Katty Kay of the BBC, and the man who gets to decide how to spend BP’s $20 billion, Ken Feinberg.

On Faze the Nation, it’s the Senator whose hair isn’t up to Carly Fiorina’s standards, Barbara Boxer, Republican Congresscritter Joseph Cao, Bill Nelson of Florida, and the aptly named Dick Shelby.

Fux News Sunday will have Defense Secretary Robert Gates, ferret-face Mitch McConnell, “Power Player of the Week” Janine Turner (remember her?), and a whole bunch of fuxheads.

At the Goebbels network they’ll have slimeball Rahm Emanuel, plus a roundtable with mushmouth Greta Van Susteren, George :jerk: Will, Michel Martin, and Richard Haass of the Council on Foreign Relations.

Over at CNN, Fareed Zakaria tells us we need to stop being so mean to big oil, ‘cuz, let’s face it, we’re just a big oily bunch, and that’s not gonna change anytime soon. Then Fareed talks Afghanistan with Afghan opposition leader (and head of the Afghanistan’s Department of Redundancy Department) Abdullah Abdullah. Plus scumbag neo-con mastermind Paul Wolfowitz will tell us what’s wrong with Obama’s foreign policy (hint: he hasn’t invaded any new countries), and some rich Chinese woman tells us how to make a whole lotta yuan (from putting melamine in dog food and antifreeze in toothpaste, no doubt) ? And, finally, St. John McCain wants more regime change in the Middle East (let me guess, “bomb, bomb Iran?”).

To all the dads out there, Happy Father’s Day. If you’re dad is still around, do something nice for him today.

OK, back to work. Lots to do before True Blood.

It’s the weekend, but that doesn’t mean there’ll be any slacking off allowed. This week, it’s the living room. We started pulling up the shitty wall-to-wall carpeting that was covering very nice hardwood floors that look like they’re actually in really good shape (why the hell people cover stuff like that up is beyond me), but there’s a lot more to go. I’ve already framed out shelves and bookcases under, around, and over the picture window (which we installed, gee, I’m guessing it was about four or five years ago, but hadn’t gotten around to finishing), as well as little pony wall that connects to it to form an ‘L’ (with more shelves/bookcases), and I hope to at least get that part close to finished (well, built – not necessarily finished) by the time True Blood starts on Sunday.

Plus the grass needs to be cut, the dogs need to get to the park, Granny wants Windows 7 installed on her laptop, I really ought to install WordPress 3.0 – but that’s always a hassle – and I need to do my laundry and all that other weekend-type stuff. Hardly any time to drink beer (though I reckon I might manage to squeeze one or two in somewhere along the way). It’s gonna be 90 today, too, which doesn’t help, and there may be some thunderstorms, which will freak the dogs out (and they already hate it when we bang things around and make noise; they much prefer to hang out in the basement and watch TV).

We’ve got a deadline of Thanksgiving to get everything done. Well, “everything” will never be done, but in this case, it means finishing all the little odds and ends in the kitchen, doing the kitchen ceiling, totally gutting the half-bathroom (which is semi-gutted already), painting everything, and then putting down a new floor in the kitchen, bathroom, and hallway. Thanksgiving seems like a long way away, but we’re already almost at the summer solstice, and Turkey Day will be here before you know it.

So I guess I better get going. Or at least have another cup of coffee.

Tough day in Congress yesterday over the BP oil hole. Not for BP CEO Tony Hayward, whose day wasn’t great, but he sat there and took it like a man (well, not so much a man as pasty-faced little corporate shill, but whattya gonna do? I mean, the man already postponed his summer vacation – what else do you want out of him). But it turned out to be a really bad day for meathead Republican Joe “Shakedown” Barton, who was forced to apologize for apologizing to BP, lest he lose his position as Ranking Member on the House Energy and Commerce Committee.

Barton rescinded his apology (so, does that mean he wasn’t really sorry? Or is it that he’s just a callous, lying, loudmouthed blowhard), and is reportedly on a very tight leash. In addition to the leash, I’d advise a muzzle. No word on whether Michele Bachmann will be getting fitted for a muzzle as well (though I get the feeling she’d prefer a studded collar).

After several short weeks, I’ve actually made it through a five-day one (assuming I make it through today, which isn’t exactly a gimmee).

As everybody (except maybe Sue, who’s out on the prairie somewhere, attempting to acquire news via telegraph and a crystal radio set) heard yesterday, BP said it would set up an escrow account to be managed by a neutral party in order to satisfy ‘legitimate’ claims resulting from its little oil mishap in the Gulf of Mexico. They expect to eventually build the fund up to $20 billion over the next 3½ years, and they aren’t considering it a cap on their liability. They’re also going to set up a separate fund of $100 million to help out the oil workers affected by the 6-month pseudo moratorium on offshore oil drilling. Call me crazy, but I think this is a good thing. A really good thing, and I credit Obama with getting BP to commit to it (assuming there isn’t some scam in there somewhere that I can’t see). It doesn’t fix things, it doesn’t bring back all the dead sea critters (with many more to come), and it doesn’t do anything to get us off fossil fuels, but hopefully the “small people” will actually get some help out of all this. They sure as hell need a break.

And, yes, BP Chairman Carl-Henric Svanberg said

“I care about the small people. I hear comments sometimes that large oil companies are greedy companies or don’t care, but that is not the case at BP. We care about the small people.”

That, of course, has professionally offended people all kinds of pissed off. You know what? Go ahead and be pissed off at the cutting of corners to maximize profits at the expense of safety (not looking so cost-effective now, is it?), and be pissed off at the oil-coated sea turtles and dying pelicans, and the wetlands that won’t return in our lifetime, but to be pissed because some Swedish guy said “small people”? Give me a break.

Go give a press conference in Swedish, and let me know how you made out.

By the way, you know what turns the “small people” into “big people”? Unions, that’s what. That’s why we need them, that’s why they’re good for the country, and that’s why Blanche Lincoln and her anti-union cronies should go f*ck themselves. But I digress…

Not everybody likes the $20 billion escrow account, of course. The knee-jerk conservatives that were crying about Obama not doing anything are now crapping themselves in a fit of fake outrage over what they’re calling a “Chicago Style Shakedown”.

I suppose we should all be used to their hypocrisy by now, but it sure would be nice if somebody would stand up and tell them to just STFU. And you know what? I say it’s high time for a Chicago-style shakedown of the insurance industry, big pharma, Wall Street, and the military-industrial complex, too. Just for starters. These f*ckers have been shaking down us small people for an awfully long time, and I’d be more than happy to get some pay-back. So bring it on, you ignorant, corrupt, amoral konservative korporatist kocksuckers.

And of course Michelle Bachmann had to chime in, calling this a “redistribution of wealth.”

The Minnesota Independent reports that Bachmann spoke Tuesday to the Heritage Foundation, and badmouthed the idea. “The president just called for creating a fund that would be administered by outsiders, which would be more of a redistribution-of-wealth fund,” said Bachmann. “And now it appears like we’ll be looking at one more gateway for more government control, more money to government.”

Also, David Weigel reports that Bachmann also said: “They have to lift the liability cap. But if I was the head of BP, I would let the signal get out there — ‘We’re not going to be chumps, and we’re not going to be fleeced.’ And they shouldn’t be. They shouldn’t have to be fleeced and make chumps to have to pay for perpetual unemployment and all the rest — they’ve got to be legitimate claims.”

Because, of course, “those people” down there just want to collect welfare and unemployment, and honorable corporations can’t trust them – or that you-know-what in the White House – to do the right thing.

Michelle, honey, if it wasn’t for the chumps of Minnesota’s 6th Congressional District, you wouldn’t be in office, now would you?

Oh well, time for this chump to head out amongst the small people and seize the day.

I didn’t watch Obama’s speech last night, and from what I’m reading this morning, I’m glad I didn’t waste my time. It appears he said basically nothing, proposed nothing specific, and didn’t give Congress anything at all to work with. From “kinda better than nothing” health care reform to “barely better than nothing” financial reform to a “basically nothing” reform of US energy policy to “staying the course” (if not doubling down) on Afghanistan and whatever the hell it is we’re doing in Iraq these days, Obama has squandered every opportunity to really do something for the people of this country, and to be a real commander-in-chief. When faced with crises, memorable Presidents rise to the occasion. Much like his predecessor, this one hasn’t. I don’t know if he’s trying to play it safe, or if he just doesn’t care. I’d like to see him throw Rahm Emmanuel out on his ass and start over again. Where’s Leo McGarry when you need him?

On the bright side, fisher people in North Carolina caught and killed a record-size (883 pound) Blue Marlin. They look so proud.

June is past the halfway point, yet they’re still playing basketball. Just doesn’t seem right. It’ll all (finally) be over Thursday night as the Lakers and Celtics will battle to see if we can have the most boring 7-game Championship in NBA history. Last night, the Lakers only managed to score 89 points, which turned out to be plenty, since Boston only managed an anemic 67. :yawn: OK, I admit, that’s not fair, since I haven’t watched any of it. I haven’t liked the Lakers since they moved from Minneapolis (which, as that happened before I was born, means forever), and of course I hate the Celtics for the fierce rivalry with the Syracuse Nationals (also mostly before I was born, and certainly before I have any memory of them playing here). I’ve seen interviews with Red Auerbach talking about how much he hated Syracuse and their fans, which I take great pride in.

Our Governor has proposed an early retirement incentive program. If it passes, there’s a possibility that I could retire early. Sadly, the place I work at would have to allow it, since they wouldn’t be able to fill my position if I retire (and they seem to think I’m needed), and, even if they did let me go, I’d take a 42% penalty for not being old enough, on top of only having about 12 years of service, which would only net me about $750 a month. That’s just not gonna cut it – even with a part time job at Home Depot.

So, as usual, it’s off to work I go. Can’t believe it’s only Wednesday. This week is taking forever.