Not much going on this morning. Looks like banks are puking out money to pay off our “representatives” in order to kill Obama’s mortgage relief program. Ditto for the health care, insurance, mining, and agribusiness industries, in hopes of killing everything that Obama proposed doing in his speech the other night. The President’s proposals are highly favorable with the public, so I predict lobbyist money will win the day, and kill (or at least maim) them all. ‘Cuz that’s how sacred Capitalism works, and we don’t wanna be goddamn Socialists, do we? Didn’t think so.

Looks like the Obamas (Michelle, anyway) have settled on a Portuguese Waterdog as their new doggie, assuming they can find one from a rescue. What, they couldn’t get a regular ‘merican dog?

So, Michael Phelps takes a hit off a bong, and one of his sponsors – Kellogg – channels our nation’s uptight Puritan roots, and gives him the axe. Unfortunately for Kellogg, some of its best customers are stoners (rather predictable, if you ask me; they must account for at least 90% of the adult Rice Krispies^® treats consumption), who organized a boycott of Kellogg products that was so effective that, when you call the company hotline, you get a recording – not about the salmonella outbreak – but a message regarding the decision to drop Phelps. And now the Kellogg reputation seems to have taken a hit from the affair. A company that monitors over 5,000 companies had Kellogg at #9 before they gave Phelps the boot – and #83 afterward. Far out, man.

Time to just make pot legal, and start to put an end to our long national nightmare of alcoholism. Especially at the price of beer these days.

I confess I didn’t watch the President’s speech last night (I actually was pretty beat and went to bed way early, though had I been up, I’d have most likely been watching SU kick the crap out of St. John’s, giving Jim Boeheim an NCAA record 31 20-win seasons; not something anybody outside of CNY cares about, I know, but at least I have it on the DVR). By all accounts, the speech went over very well. Lots of applause and ovations of the standing type and hope oozing out all over. And Obama got to suck a little face with Hillary. Not sure who got a bigger thrill out of that.

As for the rebuttal by LA Governor Bobby Jindal (what, now we’re outsourcing our Governor’s jobs to India, too?), well, that didn’t go over so well. Apparently everybody thought he sucked, with both Republicans and Democrats alike characterizing his speech as “amateurish,” “laughable” and “a missed opportunity.” Oooh, Democrats want to build modern, high-speed rail in this country. How horrible! Schmuck. Hopefully he’ll be the one looking for an extension of unemployment benefits soon.

And, just to show that stupidity and assholiness aren’t limited to Republicans (though there may be a bit of a geographic correlation), now TN Gov Phil Bredesen says he might not take Federal money for unemployment benefits either. And chickenman GA Gov Sonny Perdue is yammering away over it, too. Seems they’re terrified that the benefits might become “permanent.” As if they can’t just ram legislation through any time they want. Hopefully Obama will side with Chuck Schumer, that they can either take the money – all of it – or leave it. We can use it up here in NY if these idiots don’t want it.

Supposed to warm up and be sunny here. A good day for you single guys to rub some ashes on your forehead and try and pick up Catholic chicks (turning Ash Wednesday into a genuine Hump Day).

Good luck!

So, St. John McCain had his big “man of the people” moment yesterday, chastising President Obama because Bush ordered a new fleet of helicopters. Attaboy, John, you’re still relevant. Really.

As for Obama and the Bush legacy, I’m more disturbed by Obama’s DOJ siding with the Bush administration in seeking to dismiss the lawsuit brought by CREW and the National Security Archive. The groups are seeking access to Bush White House emails from time periods such as the run-up to the invasion of Iraq, and the investigation into the Valerie Plame leak. Sure seems like once these people become President, they back each other on everything (at least, on everything that may limit their own Presidential powers). Oh well, what the hell, nothing to see here anyway. Move along.

Speaking of things that are nobody’s business, Karl Rove once again ignored a subpoena, failing to appear before the House Judiciary Committee. I think John Conyers may need to issue a stern press release (and a fundraising e-mail) over this. Not to worry, though. There’s a March 4 deadline on the Obama administration to rule on the Bush executive privilege claims for Harriet Miers and Josh Bolten, which would have implications on Rove’s case, should it go to court. Any bets on whether Obama will back Bush on this one, too?

Still, Obama seems to have the confidence (and patience) of the people (at least in terms of fixing the ecoomy), who see the Republicans for the obstructionist assholes they are (not that you’d know it from the attention and credibility the traditional media seems to afford them). I really wish Obama would forget about playing nice with these douchebags, and just ram through a progressive agenda while he still has high popularity numbers (give it to ’em hard, Barack, like Congress is Larry Craig and you’re a frequent flier).

Hey, Lent starts tomorrow, so you better go out there and get it out of your systems today. Just try and stay out of jail.

Oh yeah, and show us your :boobs:

Hey, they had the Oscar’s last night, and I didn’t even notice. Didn’t that used to be in March or April or something? Am I supposed to know who Hugh Jackman is? Oh well, I don’t guess I missed much (haven’t even heard of – let alone seen – most of the movies, for one thing). Certainly nothing worth missing Big Love for.

Sad news this morning. Apparently Simon Cowell (the epitome of somebody that I am forced to know, despite having absolutely no interest in him or televised Karaoke) has decided he wants to be frozen and bought back to life after he croaks. From what I can tell, he seems to be a waste of a life the first time around; I can’t see a reason to have him back for another round. Fortunately, I can’t afford to be put on ice, so at least I won’t have to put up with snotty, prissy British accent once one or the other of us die. And, really, shouldn’t his 15 minutes have been up a long time ago?

We got a little bit of snow here over the weekend. Not too much, compared to our friends to the north in Oswego (or the folks up in Maine, who are getting pummeled this morning), but we got about 9 inches on Friday night (making the dog park spectacularly beautiful on Saturday), and a few more yesterday (and it’s blowing and snowing pretty good right now). We’re about three inches away from the 12 foot mark for the season. We average about 40 inches from now until the end of the season, so it isn’t looking good for hitting 200 inches (unless we get a couple of good storms, which is possible).

Well, time to get ready to get ready to go to work. Enjoy your Monday.

It’s Governor’s Day on the teevee this week.

Starting off on Press the Meat, it’s that wonderful example of piety, Bobby Jindal, who had the courage to turn down a small fraction ($98 million out of $7.68 billion – about 1.2%, if you’re counting) Louisiana’s share of the stimulus package. That would be the ninety-eight million dollars that would have temporarily extended unemployment benefits to the citizens of Louisiana. He’ll be damned if that commie bastid Obama is gonna force him to help out his people (and, really I’m sure unemployment is no concern in LA, right?). What an tremendous piece of shit this asshole is. Also up, Charlie Crist (who’s at least smart enough to take the whole pile of money when it’s offered), plus Bloomberg’s Al Hunt, NPR’s Michelle Norris, and CNBC’s Becky Quick.

On CBS’s Faze the Nation, it’s HUD Secretary Shaun Donovan (hey, how’d he get on?), NJ Gov Jon Corzine, IN Gov Mitch Daniels, and OH Gov Ted Strickland (I wonder if he’s any relation to Buck, the TX Propane mogul).

On Fux News Sunday, Weaselface Wallace has PA Gov Ed Rendell, MI Gov Jennifer Granholm, SC Gov Mark Sanford, and MN Gov Tim Pawlenty. Plus the usual fuxheads, of course.

No Governor’s Day would be complete without the Governator himself, Ahnuld Schwarzeegger, and the Goebbels network has him. Ten, joining George Snufalufagus at the roundtable are Paul Krugman, NYU economics preofessor Nouriel Roubini, Business Week columnist Suzy Welch, and (of course) George :jerk: Will.

Later, on 60 Minutes, Lesley Stahl brings us the debate on lowering the drinking age to 18 :alc: (hey, that’s what it was when I started drinkin’, and look how great I turned out), Lara :hubba: Logan reports on CBS News producer Richard Butler, who was kidnapped and held captive in Basra for three months, and Bob Simon tells us about a Jewish boy found by the Nazis after his family had been killed. They didn’t realize he was Jewish, so they gave him a little uniform and a gun and made him their mascot. Who knew the Nazis were such mensches?

Have a good Sunday.

Is it just me, or does everybody find this as sad and disappointing as I do?

The Obama administration, siding with the Bush White House, contended Friday that detainees in Afghanistan have no constitutional rights.

In a two-sentence court filing, the Justice Department said it agreed that detainees at Bagram Airfield cannot use U.S. courts to challenge their detention. The filing shocked human rights attorneys.

“The hope we all had in President Obama to lead us on a different path has not turned out as we’d hoped,” said Tina Monshipour Foster, a human rights attorney representing a detainee at the Bagram Airfield. “We all expected better.”
[…]
“They’ve now embraced the Bush policy that you can create prisons outside the law,” said Jonathan Hafetz, an attorney with the American Civil Liberties Union who has represented several detainees.

Oh well. I’m sure there’s a rationalization for it.

Goyishe Jesus has given His tacit approval to a new anti-stimulus ad campaign by appearing with the three wise men (Larry, Curly, and Moe?) in a new ad hitting the airwaves today sponsored by the American Issues Project.

“Suppose you spent $1 million every single day starting from the day Jesus was born — and kept spending through today…You would still have spent less money than Congress just did.”

No word on how white Jesus feels about the $600 billion or so spent on the US foray into Iraq (so far). He’s probably OK with it, though, since that only represents $800,000 a day. Plus it was used for the noble purpose of killing people, and not for something as trivial as putting people to work or feeding the poor or any of the other things that corporate Jesus hated so much.

Speaking of the anti-stimulus crusade, the NY Post has issued a standard non-apology apology for its dead chimp anti-stimulus cartoon. You know, the one that goes, “sorry if anybody was offended by the offensive thing we did, but we’ll really apologize when pigs can fly.”

If pigs could fly, they might stand a chance against a proposal in Texas to let good old boys (and gals) shoot wild pigs from helicopters. Used to be if you wanted those pigs dead, you had to hire professional flying pig killers (that’s pig killers that fly, not killers of flying pigs) to do the dirty work, but now Texas wants to issue permits to “sportsmen” (bit of a distorted definition of “sporting” if you ask me) to do it. Hell, kill animals and burn a shitload of fossil fuel at the same time? It don’t get any better than that. My advice to Texans would be to keep your dogs (and kids) in the house until pig season is over.

A rather shocking tidbit from a recent Quinnipiac poll. Turns out, a vast majority of New Yorkers support a bill proposed by NY’s Working Families Party (by a 56% to 38% margin) to raise taxes on people making more than $250,000 a year. It’s widely favored by Democrats and Independents, and opposed (of course) by Republicans (most of whom are – like Joe the Plumber – too stupid to realize that they actually make less than that). Don’t worry you simpleminded GOPers, you have Governor Paterson on your side.

Speaking of Governors running our fair State into the ground, our old friend George Pataki is apparently mulling a run for the Senate in 2010. Part of me would love to see George and Guidi Ruliani rip each other apart in a primary, but the thought of either of these creeps “representing” me in the Senate is pretty nauseating. I guess, if forced to choose, I’d have to go with Pataki. He’s basically just another dumb George, while Guidi is a dangerous lisping narcissist (I just wish somebody would call him that in public, so I could hear his denial: “I am not a narthithitht!”). I guess I’ll just have to support Annie Oakley Gillibrand.

I have a bit of a confession to make this morning. Not a liberal confessional; more of a comedy one. I heard a spot on the radio last night for an upcoming appearance by Larry the Cable Guy, and I confess that I laughed at one of his jokes. It went,

“You ever walk into the room and see your parents having sex? I’m never going to that website again.”

Hey, I thought it was funny. So sue me.

Speaking of funny, Bill Maher is back tonight. Unfortunately one of his guests is David Frum, who I find to be a really disgusting waste of oxygen, and very difficult to watch. I mean, you don’t have to limit your guests to people I agree with (though that’d be OK too), but must we be subjected to this pompous prick spewing the same old Republican talking points we’ve already heard a million times, while pretending he wasn’t an integral part of an administration that has taken this country into the toilet? When you’ve been wrong on everything for the past eight years, sorry dude, I no longer want to hear your opinion. Guess I’d better hide all the breakable objects in the vicinity of the teevee.

The forecast for the next four days here is snow, snow, snow, and snow. I guess Granny will get some quality time with that shovel.

Have a good one everybody.

President Obama makes his first foreign visit as President today, traveling all the way to Canada. It may not seem like a big trip, but it’s a pretty good idea to keep our largest foreign supplier of oil (and natural gas, too; actually, our #1 trading partner, period) happy. Plus he might need to ask them to beef up their troop presence in that quagmire known as Afghanistan, now that Obama is increasing the number of US armed forces there. Personally, I’d look at history, then at Afghanistan, then at history again, and then run like hell. But that’s just me.

Maybe while he’s up north, the President will catch him some Socialist Fever, and become an advocate for single-payer healthcare and the elimination of insurance companies and the profit motive from what should be a right guaranteed by one’s citizenship, and not the ability to pay.

Speaking of Socialism, looks like Republicans are falling over each other, trying to get them a piece of that horrible stimulus money (all while poo-pooing Obama’s $75 billion mortgage relief plan). If I didn’t know better, I’d think they might be hypocrites. But I guess they’re just being ironic.

Speaking of irony, a man shot and killed himself in front of a cross at Robert Schuller’s “Hour of Power” mega-church in Garden Grove CA, as a tour leader was extolling the virtues of the church’s suicide-prevention program. It’s not the first suicide at the church, either. In 2004, the church’s orchestra leader killed himself during a standoff with police. Oh, those wacky Orange County people. Somebody ought to make a teevee show about them.

Irony (and hypocrisy) seem to be rampant out there. For instance, Chase Bank’s CEO Jamie Dimon had some tough words for people who find themselves in tough financial straits. Mainly, that these goddamn deadbeats should keep paying their mortgages. Chase, of course, received $25 billion in taxpayer bailout money.

Well, time to head out there and face the world. Have a good day, y’all.

While our esteemed Governor has been trying to screw us over by pushing for huge cuts in non-essential services like healthcare and education, and telling state workers they should forgo a negotiated 3% pay increase, it turns out he secretly doled out pay raises to his “inner circle” of as much as 46%. Way to go, Guv. And fuck you very much. I know Granny is happy for your pals, seeing as she routinely works 36 hours (if not more) for 24 hours pay. This is the same Governor who said the last thing you want to do is tax millionaires, ‘cuz that would be bad for the economy (or something; never did quite get his reasoning).

Paterson is doing such a great job, he currently trails Andy Cuomo by 32 points among Democrats for the 2010 nomination. If only there were more millionaires in NY, Paterson would be doing much better, I guess.

Poor Republicans. They’re so proud of (and charged up by) their unanimous opposition to the Stimulus Package, they decided to launch a “we’re back” campaign (which personally reminds me of the movie Poltergeist) using Aerosmith’s “Back in the Saddle” as a theme song. Unfortunately, they didn’t ask Aerosmith. They really need to stick to Toby Keith.

Stimulus bill signed, Obama now heads to Kristapea’s neck of the woods to launch the War on Foreclosures. Maybe KP can go see the President with her boss.

Halfway (almost) through the week, and more than halfway to March. Sure is nice to see some daylight after work again. Have a good one.

Ah, kids. They really do say the darndest things. Take Bristol Palin, for instance, who told Fux News that expecting teens to abstain from sex (as her mommy and many other foot-tapping GOP geniuses preach) is “not realistic at all.” Well, duh. She does confess that it would be a whole let better not to get knocked up at 18, though. Gee, let’s see, hard to keep young kids with hormones raging from having sex? Not good to get pregnant so young? If only there was some sort of, oh, I dunno, call it “contraceptive” or something that we could inform these kids about, just in case they lose their Purity Rings down the drain or something. Nah, that’s crazy talk.

In other news, the carnage continues during this month of accidents and pratfalls. Not one, but two models hit the deck while attempting to walk down the runway during Herve Leger by Max Azria’s Fall 2009 fashion show in New York. Just goes to show, your parents were right again: always wear sensible shoes (and clean underwear).

Apparently Uncle Dick is furious (furious, I tells ya) at the Chimp for not pardoning his boy Scooter. We’ll have to see what develops out of this (a tell-all book, perhaps). As the saying goes, hell hath no fury like an Angry Dick (and this one’s not shootin’ blanks, either).

Speaking of anger and chimps, a 200 pound “celebrity” chimpanzee named Travis flipped out and mauled a woman in Connecticut. Apparently he was incensed when they re-elected that weasel Joe Lieberman, and just couldn’t let it go. Sadly, the cops killed Travis before Fox could sign a deal for their new reality show, “When Chimps Attack.”

And let’s hear it for Arnold Schwarzenegger and California. You may recall (so to speak) their last Governor, Gray Davis, was ridden out of office on a rail, due to his fiscal irresponsibility and whatnot. Well, the Governator has racked up budget problems far worse than Davis ever managed.

They might have to have a “going out of business” sale, and there are rumors that Schwarzenegger may be willing to sell Southern California back to Mexico if the price is right (assuming they can agree on a plan to keep the filthy gringos from crossing the border and stealing jobs from honest, hard-working Mexicans first, though). Of course California’s system (making it easy to pass ballot propositions and next to impossible to pay for them) would make things tough for anybody.

But apparently Ahnuld has been particularly ineffective on both sides of the aisle (being from NY, where we have our own ineffective Governor – who is withholding a Medicare payment of $38 million to the hospital where I work, forcing us to get a bridge loan from Stony Brook University – I don’t really know much about CA politics, and am certainly in no position to criticize).

Looks like I need to get ready for work. Plus, the Today Show seems to feel a need to shove Karl Rove in my face this morning (I’d sooner watch the big fat cellulite covered ass in a thong commercial, frankly). No time to proofread today, so feel free to pick apart any typos and left-out words you come across. Have a good one.