A busy Monday in store for me. Have to cut the grass before it gets too long for me to push my way through it (I’d hate to have to resort to the carbon-emitting power mower). Then I need to bottle a batch of beer, and brew up a new one. And take the dog out for his daily romp, of course. Then, um, let’s see…. I guess that’s about it. I better get busy.

Happy Mother’s Day!

On Press the Meat, Timmy hosts a man only a mother could love, Maverick John McCain as part of the “Mr. Potatohead Meets the Candidates” series.

Then on Faze the Nation, Bush Buddy Bobby Schieffer talks War and Politics with Chuckie Hagel, Jeanne Cummings of the incessantly incorrect Politico.com, and Michel McQueen Martin, who is apparently from NPR.

Over at Fux News, the man not even a mother could love – Weaselface Wallace – hosts America’s Mom, the cross-dressing Rudy Guiliani, to remind us that he was the mayor of NYC on 9/11, and that somehow qualifies him to be preznit.

On the Goebbels network, it’s Barack Obama, and then the axis of drivel rides again, as Sam :omg: Donaldson, Cokie “the hag” Roberts, and George :jerk: Will sit around the roundtable and blather. Then Brooke Shields talks postpartum depression.

Wolf Blitzer’s Late Emission includes Mitch “the Prick” McConnell, Barbara Boxer, li’l Lindsey Graham, Drew Barrymore, and an assorted bunch of CNN hacks.

Later, on 60 Minutes, Mike “Gee, my kid’s an asshole” Wallace reports on Mitt “Big Love” Romney, Lesley Stahl listens to a bunch of realtors bitch about the Internet, and Bob Simon sees what’s up with Iraqi war orphan Ali Abbas, whose family was blown up (and arms were blown off) by “stray” bombs from the good old US of A. Oops.

Then it’s your basic Sunday night fare, including episode 6 of the final 9 Sopranos. Have a good day, muthas.

And so, another weekend is upon us. Gotta get up and get out fairly early today, so I don’t have much to say (except, if you haven’t gotten your mom anything for Mother’s Day, you’re running out of time).

So, how did out esteemed Attorney General do yesterday? I started to watch a bit, but the twisted and disgusting Republicans were way too annoying, and it looked like it was just gonna be the same old show one more time. I haven’t had a chance to read the reviews yet, and mostly I guess I’m bored with the whole thing. Maybe that’s their plan – kinda like Muhammad Ali’s rope a dope, in reverse. Just keep being so stupid and incompetent long enough, and everybody will just go watch American Idol and leave you the fuck alone. Personally, I think these desperadoes need to go to prison.

Well, I have to figure out whether I want to take the walk this weekend or not. My first inclination is to blow it off, of course. I wouldn’t bother with the commencement on Sunday anyway (though I wouldn’t mind hearing the speaker, Frank McCourt), but the convocation on Saturday would give me a chance to say goodbye to the folks I’ve gone through this with over the last couple of years.

Unfortunately, after something like $31,000 in tuition (never mind that it was the Feds that paid for it), if I want to attend the convocation ceremonies, I have to pay $60 to rent (rent, mind you; I don’t even get to keep it, not that I have a use for it) a cap, gown, and master’s hood. Oy. It’s not the money so much as it is the principle of the thing.

That and having to parade around in a goofy looking dress with a pizza box on my head.

It feels weird, not really having anything that urgently needs to get done. I guess I’ll go not do something.

Hey, turns out Alberto Gonzales is still Attorney General. What’s up with that? I guess with Bush being worse than Herbert Hoover, he doesn’t think he can afford to put anybody else on unemployment.

Hey, Martin Kuz. Bite me.

Got a little time on my hands, and have been pondering some things. Like, what do you call somebody who’s afraid of words that are pronounced the same, but have different meanings? Also, if people from Nigeria are called Nigerians, what are people from Niger called? And, if the timetable in the Iraq funding legislation that dummy just vetoed was non-binding, how come I never heard any traditional media people say so? Come to think of it, how come I never heard any Democrats say, “we sent a bill funding the occupation with a non-binding timetable for withdrawal to a President who has shown such disdain for binding legislation that he feels free to issue signing statements proclaiming that the laws Congress passes don’t apply to him, so why did he veto the legislation, and who, exactly, is the one playing politics with our troops?” Just wondering. By the way, if you get bored, go here and see if you find antonyms or synonyms for the words antonym and synonym.

Ah, the first boobleheads of May. Spring has officially sprung.

On Press the Meat, it’s a full hour of Meathead vs. Potatohead, as Timmuh hosts an “exclusive” with George “Slam Dunk” Tenet. Not to step on your buzz there, Timmy, but wasn’t Georgie already on 60 Minutes last week? Not much of an exclusive there. I think I’ll wait for his appearance on The Daily Show next week, instead.

Over at CBS, Faze the Nation ought to be at least half entertaining, as Bush Buddy Bobby Schieffer hosts full-wit Charlie Rangel, and half-wit (or is it newt-wit?), Newt Gingrinch. Would somebody please explain to me why this disgraced (and disgraceful) hypocrite is considered at all relevant by the traditional media to talk about anything (other than maybe to shill for Brylcreem^® and PoliGrip^®)?

On Fux News Sunday, Weaselface Wallace hosts Presidential “hopeful” Chris “will somebody please pay attention to me” Dodd, and the man who uses more mascara than Elvira and Katharine Harris combined, “Poppa” John Boehner.

Over on the Goebbels network, it’s John Edwards (no doubt on to answer questions about how he gave his wife cancer, and sues fine upstanding corporations in order to pay for his $400 haircuts). Next, George Snufalufagus gets the Republican asshole point of view from the man who doesn’t believe in evolution (because he never evolved), Tricky Tom Tancredo. At the roundtable, it’s the man that barely edged out Tom Friedman as the NY Times’ biggest douchebag, David Brooks, the ever-worthless George :jerk: Will, and the woman who, in the 2000 election, engineered a tiny popular vote victory for one of the smartest men in politics over one of the dumbest, Donna Brazile. And then fellow SU Alum Ted Koppel is on to talk about the documentary on his longtime friend’s battle with cancer, and “the importance of teaching people that they can still live productive lives.” Hey, somebody wanna make sure Katie Couric gets a copy of that?

Over at CNN, Wolf Blitzer’s Late Emission includes Dick Lugar and Chuck Schumer, on to discuss how Condi Rice is a traitor to the American people for having spoken to the Syrian Foreign Minister, former CIA Director George Tenet (hey, wait a minute, Timmy said he had an exclusive on Tenet; I guess it depends on what the definition of “exclusive” is) on to hawk his book, a few middle east ambassadors, and your basic assortment of CNN hacks, twits, and shills.

Later, on 60 Minutes, Lesley Stahl demands to see Lou Dobbs’ green card, Bob Simon reports on how Nasir Abas is now our BFF, and, Anderson Cooper tells us about retired truck driver Teri Horton, who bought a crappy painting for five bucks in 1987, that turns out to be an original Jackson Pollock, worth upwards of $50 million (sorry, I realize I’m an ignorant moron, but if that thing’s worth fifty mill, the wall in the basement I use to clean my paint brushes has to be worth enough for me to retire on, and then some).

Then, it’s the usual Sunday night stuff, as we pass the halfway point in the final season of the Sopranos, or you can opt to watch clips from the last time Saturday Night Live was actually funny – the 1990’s. If you live in the Midwest, bring the teevee down into the cellar. Enjoy your day (don’t forget, next Sunday is Mother’s Day; for those of you that have mothers, better get out there and get a card).

In the spirit of recycling (not to mention laziness), I’ve decided to repost this from last year. Vaya con Dios, mis amigos.

Hola! Today isn’t a holiday in the United States, but it ought to be. And it ought to be a reason for us to embrace our neighbors to the south, instead of trying to demonize them.

In 1858, Benito Juárez (a full-blooded Zapotec, and member of the Liberal Party) was elected President of Mexico. Thanks to their Civil War (oh, and that little Mexican-American War thing), Mexico was financially devastated, and Juárez was forced to suspend all foreign debt payments, which England, Spain and France weren’t really happy about. Being imperialist Europeans, they did what imperalists do – they invaded. England and Spain cut deals and split pretty quickly, but not those pesky French (under Napoleon III – who was not dissimilar to dubya, in many respects).

Napolean wasn’t all that crazy about the United States (we were in the midst of our own little difficulties at the time, you may recall) , and he was hoping to toss out the Mexican Constitutional Government and set up something a little more favorable to France (to that end, he installed Maximilian I as Emperor). In fact, he had plans to institute a monarchy over Central and South America so France could exploit the region’s raw materials (plus supply the Confederacy in its fight against the Union). The French were in cahoots with the plutocratic Mexican land owners, who weren’t real crazy about this Juárez guy.

Anyhow, in April of 1862, a French force of seven thousand set out for Mexico City, having somehow gotten the impression that the Mexican people would welcome them (I believe they were told they’d be greeted as liberators, and showered with flowers and candy). Juárez ordered General Ignacio Zaragoza (who had 2,000 soldiers entrenched in the fortified hills of Loreto and Guadalupe by the city of Puebla) to set the French straight.

On cinco de mayo, 1862, the very well-equipped French attacked the two forts (defended mostly by Mexican Indians armed only with machetes) with cannon and rifles. Zaragosa ordered his cavalry (commanded by Colonel Porfirio Diaz) to attack the French flanks (which I understand are excellent with a nice Burgundy), and the French, in turn, sent their cavalry off to chase Diaz, who pretty much butchered them. What was left of the French infantry charged the Mexicans – or at least they tried to – through a stampeding herd of cattle that the Mexicans stirred up.

By the end of the day, one fort was in ruins, but more than a thousand French soldiers were dead.

So, the French didn’t get to run guns and supplies to the Confederacy, Union forces were eventually sent to the Tex/Mex border under the command of General Sheridan, who made sure that the Mexicans got whatever weapons and ammo they needed. Poor old Maximillian was eventually executed by firing squad, and Napoleon III was deposed as Emperor of France in 1870, and dead by 1873.

So, anyhow, that’s how the Mexicans saved the Union, and why cinco de mayo ought to be a holiday in the US, filled with piñatas, Sangria, and much singing of La Bandera de Estrellas.

That, and it’s a long way between New Year’s and Memorial Day.