Here we are again, another Sunday, another round of talking heads. Last week was birdshot Sunday, but this week I reckon it’ll be all about ports. Well, as long as we don’t have to look at Mary Matalin, how bad can it be?

It’s a Republican love-fest over at Press the Meat, as Timmy boasts an “exclusive” with the Gropenator himself, Ahnold “Duh Peeg” Schwanzenschtupper. Vow, ein eggskloosif mit Ahnold. Oy. First, though, Republican Peter King (isn’t he the Sports Illustrated guy?) of NY and Republican John “Hey, so what if she was old, I banged Liz Taylor” Warner of VA talk ports. Warner tells us why it’s a great thing to let another country control our ports (and how we should only be xenophobic when the President tells us to be xenophobic), and King will no doubt try to harummph enough to appease his constituents, but not so much that he alienates his masters. Then they’ll discuss how well things are going in Iraq, for everybody except the Iraqis, the US soldiers on the ground, and anybody else crazy enough to be there. Check you local listings, because, believe it or not, the freakin’ Olympics are still going on. I thought theses things were supposed to happen every four years, not last four years.

Over on CBS, Bob “Claudia” Schieffer has, um, well, I don’t know who he’ll have on Fazed the Nation this week, because they aren’t saying. Must be a secret (or maybe they had Don Knott’s scheduled). Gee, I sure hope it’s Bill Frist and Joe Lieberman. They could get them to reenact a few scenes from Brokeback Mountain.

This Weak with George Snufalufagus has John “Sell Out” McCain and Carl Levin on to talk ports and Iraq. Hey, maybe Saddam Hussein can manage our ports (he’s got fewer ties to 9/11 than Dubai does). Let’s see how tight a leash the Bushies have McCain on this week. On the roundtable, there’s former Pentagon mouthpiece (and one of Mary Matalin’s bestest buddies) Torie Clarke, WaPost op-ed writer E.J. “Pass the Grey Poupon” Dionne, George :jerk: Will, and, providing a little bit of color to this vanillapalooza will be Fareed “Token” Zakaria. Finally, Richard “Got Any Gerbils” Gere (from North Syracuse, I might add) apparently has “a message [for] President Bush on the issue of AIDS in India.” I’m sure dubya will be watching closely.

Over at Fux News Someday with Chris “Dork” Wallace, it’s Port Talk, with Homeland Security Adviser Fran “Who?” Townsend (think they’ll ask her why DHS initially objected to the port deal, before being told to shut up?) and Senator MBNA himself, Joe Biden. Then it’s Republican Governor Mitt Romney of MA, and, um, Joe Gibbs, for some reason.

Later, on 60 Minutes, Ed Bradley talks to voodoo magic witchdoctor Hans Keirstead about the evil Stem Cell research, and walking rats, Lesley Stahl talks coal with Montana Governor Brian Schweitzer, and Steve Kroft talks to Stephen Flynn (who actually knows stuff, unlike everybody else you’ll hear from today) about port security. Oh, and if Andy Rooney hasn’t died yet, he’ll probably be whining about colored paperclips or something.

Over at CNN…. Well, who really cares?

Finally, a weekend with something to look forward to – the “about freakin’ time” debut of the Marc Maron Show, and the return of all our old friends from the MS. Ten ’til midnight should be a great time to hear these guys. I only wish it was 10 – 12 where I’m at, and, damn it, did they have to start it on a Tuesday, when I can’t (or shouldn’t) stay up and listen to the first show live? Well, I’m not gonna whine. It’ll just be good to get these guys back on the air. Otherwise, it’s a cold weekend with way too much stuff to get done before Monday rolls around, so I suppose I’d better get started.

Like a lot of you, I’m sure, I’m on a bunch of political e-mail lists (in fact, I’m on a bunch of them more than once, due to my multiple e-mail addresses and inability to remember what I’ve already signed up for). I get them from MoveOn and Chuck and Hillary, and the DFA. I even get them from someone named Sean Patrick Maloney, who’s running for NYS attorney general, and I don’t even know how I got on his list (but he sounds like a nice Irish boy, so my mother would have liked him). They’re generally full of fightin’ words, righteous indignation, and, more often than not, a request for money.

I got one yesterday from Democrats.com, with a big, bold “Demand an Investigation Now!” subject line. There was a litany of offenses perpetrated by this administration (which we’re all very familiar with here), and a plea to “Urge your Representative to join the 27 sponsors of House Resolution 635 for a Watergate-style investigation.”

Well, OK. That’s not a bad idea, I guess (never mind that my “Representative” is a Bush/DeLay/Republican asslicker who has never passed up an opportunity to vote the way’s been told). But, you know, there are 202 Democrats in the House (plus Bernie Sanders), and you fucking people can’t get even 15% of them to co-sponsor this resolution? Come on, you’ve gotta do better than that, folks, ‘cuz you’re gonna need every stinking Democrat, plus Bernie, plus another 15 Republicans. To be honest, you’ll never even get it up for a vote the way the House is run. Come back to me when you’ve at least gotten your so-called Democrats to stand up and speak with one voice, for a change.

Hey, I’m sorry, but I got the same e-mails form you over the Alito nomination, and I called, and I wrote, and I faxed, and, in the end, you spineless weasels sold us all out, as usual. Just like the Bankruptcy Bill, the Patriot Act, and Authorization to start a war that everybody knew was a load of crap from the beginning (yeah, everybody; I’m tired of your “we were miseld” bullshit. I figured it out, and you should have, too).

You think you can’t win, so you give up and go along.

When you know you can’t win, you’ve got nothing more to lose, so it’s the best time to vote your conscience. We all saw how you voted, and I think that gave us a pretty good idea of where your conscience lies. So, Democrats, go ahead and keep e-mailing me, but until I start to see some consequences for the DINO’s who stab our country in the back by selling out to these disgusting, shameless criminals, you’re gonna have a tough time getting me all excited.

Hey, it’s getting close to the weekend here, and (unless I’ve missed it), we still don’t have the date for the begining of the new MaronEra. Will we get word before the weekend, or will they leave us hanging? And when are they gonna get the show syndicated outside of LA? Not that I’d be able to stay up from 1 – 3 most nights to listen live, but you never know. Well, one thing at a time, I guess.

Nuts, it’s Wednesday again, which means I have to get off my ass and get out of the house early. Plus, that means the dog’s alone until I get back, and he doesn’t like that being alone stuff. On the bright side, it’s supposed to be damn near 40 today, and that’s not too shabby. Maybe today’s the day we find out for sure when the Marc show starts. See y’all later on.

It was nice to hear from Marc again (so soon; he’s really getting the hang of this stuff, I think). Sorry to hear about his cat, though, but cats are pretty good at going away for days and days and then coming back and sleeping for a week, so hopefully his will be OK. And, we’ll hopefully get an official start date for the show. I’ll have to set up my ReplayAV to make sure I don’t miss anything.

Update: E-mail from Marc.

This is ridiculous. It’s just like the old days–on and on about the cats. Thanks for all your concern. LaFonda returned just as my marraige was at the brink of disintegrating because of her disappearance. Of course, I blamed Mishna for telling me it was okay to let all the cats out because they’re animals and it would be nice if they could all go to the bathroom outside. So, after much fighting, panic and the surfacing of all things irritating about our marriage the cat just saunters in around 2Pm the day after she split–saving the marriage (I’m exagerrating). She seems wiser, less skittish, perhaps she met a man cat out there. Meanwhile, Monkey, LaFonda’s male feral companion from the Astoria bunch is acting like he doesn’t know her which leads me to believe the scent of another is on her. It’s been rough for the Monkey. My wife’s nasty male dirt cat, Boomer, who we adopted to keep the now dead Butch company has been making life miserable for the Monkey. With LaFonda out sleeping around I can only assume his masculinity is fractured and I’m going to have to be supportive and keep his self esteem intact maybe bring him to some meetings. Good news–they are all accounted for.

Its best I get this stuff out of the way so I can talk about the important things when the show launches. As always, it’s so hard to separate my important from our important.

I hope you all don’t mind that we’re going to be leaning heavy on the funny for the new show. It’ll be a two hour show and we’ve already got some great comics lined up to hang out the first week.

No more from me until the “official” announcement in the next few days. I’m off to the port of Los Angeles to keep an eye on things. At least I trust me with the job. I just hope the night vision thingy on my old high eight camera works. Footage forthcoming.

Maron

Okay, so is this the week we get an official start date for the Marc Maron Show? Is the 27-28 date on Jim Earl’s website for real (not suggesting that his big page-o-crap is full-o-crap or anything)? Hey, Kent Jones and Marc Maron have stopped by to say hello, why hasn’t Jim? Too good for us, Earl? Or are your wrists just broken from that ignominious tree house incident? Whatever it is, we can’t wait for all those voices in your head to get loose again.

UPDATE: New e-mail from Marc:

Has anyone seen my grey and white cat?

Gang of Folks-

Coupla things. Sorry to all who received a Randi Rhodes mailing and hold me responsible for giving away their e-mail address. Here’s the scoop-I am transitioning into a new web site that will be managed by the AAR team. The have my mailing list and accidentally hit send to all lists on the last Randi mailing. Her team does not have the list. This is what I have been told.

Secondly-I should be able to tell you definitely when the show will launch this week. If everything goes as planned, it should be next Tuesday. Let’s hold out on our excitement until I’m sitting in the studio with my cans on and a mic in my face.

Thirdly-Some people are asking how they get the CD. At the website. www.marcmaron.com hit the shop thingy.

Fourthly-One of my cats is missing. Sad day.

Maron

Sunday, and once again time for the bobbleheads. Press the Meat will be on a little early for many of us this week, due to coverage of the Olympics (which apparently are still going on). I think I heard they were being held in a Torino or something (wasn’t that what Starsky and Hutch drove?). Anyhow, set your alarm clocks, because Timmy has DHS Director Michael Jerkoff on, to tell us what a great job he did during Katrina, and it’s all Michael Brown’s fault. Then Mary Matalin will try not to look too fucking smug and ugly sitting next to Maureen Dowd while David Gregory hopefully chokes the living shit out of Paul Gigot as they all discuss who Dick Cheney shot this weekend, and why Cheney forgives him for screwing up an otherwise glorious day of killing things.

Over at Fazed the Nation, Bush Buddy Bobby Schieffer has on Bill :billcat: Frist to tell us there’s more than one way to skin a cat, Barbara Boxer will be on to explain why she never did Morning Sedition until she had a book to plug, and Elizabeth Bumiller will be on to pretend there’s a liberal media.

Fresh off his grand appearance with Timmy Potatohead, Michael Jerkoff stops by to visit with George Snufalufagus, along with fellow Republicans Joe Lieberman of CT and Tom Davis (wasn’t he Franken’s partner?) of VA. At the Roundtable, Katrina vanden Heuvel will be on (mostly so we can hear the obligatory “Katrina” jokes after Jerkoff’s visit), while George :jerk: Will and Cokie “Skeletor” Roberts take turns tsk-tsking, while being pompous, arrogant, and condescending. And fellow Irishman Shaquille O’Neal will be on so we can see a bunch of middle aged white guys treat a young black man with respect.

Over at Fux News Sunday with Chris “I wanna be Marv Albert’s Bitch” Wallace, Lindsey “I’m not gay” Graham and Evan “Birch” Bayh come on to talk about what a safety conscious hunter Dick Cheney is, and how Democrats are playing the Katrina “blame game.” Also Alan Simpson will be on to say that, in Wyoming, they shoot each other in the face for kicks all the time, and anything less than double-ought buckshot is for wimps.

Later, on 60 minutes, Bob Simon reports that there’s something rotten in the State of Denmark, Scott Pelley goes above the Arctic Circle in Greenland to interview another one of these leftwing radical nutsy cuckoo scientists who thinks that just because the rate of ice melting in Greenland has doubled in the last five years and we had to go into the Greek Freakin’ alphabet to name hurricanes last season, there’s something to this “Global Warming” myth. Next thing you know, they’ll be telling us that apes and humans had a common ancestor. Also, Steve Kroft interviews Phillip Seymour Hoffman, who says that giving up drugs and alcohol was the turning point of his life (apparently it’s been all downhill ever since), and Andy Rooney will be on to piss and moan about something nobody gives a shit about.

And over at CNN, Larry King will be on to tell us how Ester-C really put the snap back in his suspenders.

Enjoy your Sunday.

Damn, it got cold again, but at least the wind didn’t blow the roof off. I thought it was pretty big of Whittington to apologize to Cheney yesterday for standing in front of Cheney’s shotgun and all. Hopefully if I ever shoot somebody in Texas, I’ll be able to go back into the house and hide until I sober up, too.

It’s Friday, ya bastids! Oh, wait, wrong show. Anyhow, tonight marks the return of Bill Maher, and, unlike anything you’ll see on those Sunday bobblehead shows, it should be very interesting, as Bill has Russ Feingold, Eddie Griffin, Helen Thomas, and, just to get Nicki fired up, Dan Senor (now there’s a guy with “c*cksucker” written all over his face, am I right?). I don’t know who’s in studio and who isn’t, but I hope Helen Thomas slaps the shit out of this prick.