House Republicans have introduced their version of health care reform (good job staying ahead of the curve there). According to the CBO, it will cover about 3 million people who are currently not covered – by 2019 – reduce premiums for those who are covered by a whopping 0 – 3% (locally, Excellus just announced they were increasing premiums by 8.8% in January), and would reduce the budget deficit by $68 billion. In comparison, the House Democrats’ version of reform would cover 36 million people w/o health insurance, would reduce the deficit by $104 billion, and would be paid for by taxes and spending cuts. The Republican bill, however, would cost a mere $61 billion compared to $1.1 trillion for the Democrats’ bill. So, that’s either a savings of $966 billion (figuring in the deficit reduction), or a waste of $61 billion (seeing as it doesn’t really seem to do a goddamn thing). Good plan, Republicans. It makes the Democrats’ shitty bill look great in comparison.

Speaking of the evils of health care reform, Michelle “Soron” Bachmann has summoned her teabag zombie army to DC today, to make “one last stand” against reform. There may be upwards of 1,000 mouth-breathing orcs, trolls, and other mindless morons hitting the Capital today, demanding that the government stay away from Medicare and Michelle Bachmann’s government-provided health insurance, so that they can keep paying higher and higher insurance premiums in order for insurance executives to continue getting hundreds of millions of dollars in bonuses.

So, apparently this Joy Behar person has a show on CNN or something, and she’s interviewed a Playboy Playmate – Nicole Narain – who’s a recovering sex addict, who says being a sex addict is – not surprisingly – “exhausting.”

You know what, I really try hard not to think about masturbating too much. I had a moment there where I really did, I could not get out of bed one day because I was just, it was a constant thing. That was an exhausting day. It was like, I didn’t even want to eat food because that was my food for the day. It was exhausting and it was scary because it consumed my entire day and I try very hard not to have any triggers around me where I would feel like I need to masturbate today.

I don’t know about you, but I think that would make for an incredible documentary.

A cat in Iowa got the Swine Flu. That would be a good Rapture Watch item, I think. Speaking of the Rapture and evil and whatnot, the Yankees won their 27th World Series last night. As much as everyone hates the Yankees, if there are any fans less sympathetic than Yankees fans, it would have to be Phillies fans. Or at least fans in Philly – especially Eagles fans.

The “Parents Television Council” (PTC) has its collective panties in a bunch over an upcoming episode of a teevee show that I’ve never heard of – “Gossip Girl” – on a network that I don’t think I’ve ever watched – the “CW.” Apparently there’s a coming (so to speak) episode that includes a teenage threesome. Hmm. Maybe I should start recording that show. I wonder if they can get Nicole Narain to guest star?